Well court happened and it isn’t good
So court didn't get postponed that's about the only good news from the hearing. So the pendete lite hearing is supposed to be around a half hour long and only people who get questioned is bf and BM. Well that's not what happened today. It lasted almost two hours and BM brought her dad from the other side of the country as a witness.
It is official the older child is officially gone from my bf which we knew was going to happen. Then for the younger child my bf was granted every other weekend from Friday at 3 pm till Sunday at 3 pm. My bf gets her for thanksgiving from 8 am - 1 pm and BM gets her on Christmas because she lied and said my bf had them this past year which is a total lie.
So the judge said he ordered this on the basis that he does not want to separate the sisters. Also found out BM no longer works her old job for 35 hours a week but now works 10-25 hours a week as a nanny but it fluctuates from week to week, her mom lives with her now, and her mom is the child care provider for when she is at work.
Only other good news is my bf was not ordered to pay child support for the child but that is literally the only bright side. So literally BM can cheat, pass off a child as her husband's for years then get custody of both because they don't want to separate sisters. It's such bullshit it's not even funny
supposed to go to my parents for thanksgiving which they live three hours away and I don't know anyone any way who eats thanksgiving dinner before one pm. At least the gray area of the older child is done with but I feel horrible for my bf.
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I am so sorry but not
I am so sorry but not surprised. The courts try to rule in the best interest of the children and tearing siblings apart would be a bold move by the judge.
Your Holiday schedule SUCKS! Usually it is Wed-Sunday for Thanksgiving weekend. Christmas is either the week of Christmas or some people do one parent gets Christmas eve and then drop off at the other parent that evening or at like 8 am Christmas day... I can't believe that your lawyer didn't object or anything to those times. That is unreasonable.
Also, do you get any longer visits in the summer? If she is in school, those become pretty standard. I would petition for them before the summer is here if you don't get those.
I agree that it is rough
To tear siblings apart but my bf has to suffer the consequences more because of BM cheating and such? It's disgusting.
yeah it does suck! Unfortunately this is the last thing from this lawyer since he is moving to Florida and found out like last week because his mom is on hospice. So his lawyers head was so not in it but my bf didn't have a chance to get a new lawyer for this hearing.
this is the temporary hearing until trial which is in January for the divorce. She's also 3 so doesn't really apply yet. It's all just sad
Sorry the court hearing didnt
Sorry the court hearing didnt turn out the way---or at least part of the way your bf wanted.
Here is what YOU can do.
We would have Passed on this years crumb of Thanksgiving day from 8am until 1pm. Hopefully next Thanksgiving will fall on his eow allowing a long weekend for your family.
As far as Christmas...make Santa Claus come early this year...on his eow before the 25th.. There is nothing more fun than starting the holidays early.
My dh's x always had to have Christmas Eve and Christmas AM...because Santa only comes to their real house. After years of that garbage...we left her have it allllll. Every holiday, Every Birthday, Every day off.....
GoodLuck---PS>>>>is BM paying back the CS she owes your boyfriends?
She knew the child wasnt your boyfriends...Now she can explain all this to her child.
Yeah
That's probably what we are going to do. It is complete bs.
my bf never paid BM child support on the children just paid her spousal support per the marine core and even if he did the courts don't do back pay when BM's take money they shouldn't of from everything I've ever read.
she will probably blame it on my bf somehow or make him look like a piece of shit. It's all disgusting
I guess the only thing that
I guess the only thing that could have gone differently if your BF could have approached it from the viewpoint that
"I have been in the older child's life as the only father she knows.. and I am willing to continue to fulfill that role so that the girls can be kept together...including paying CS.. BUT.. I want to have my time ordered and I want rights that the mother can't snatch away at a whim as she wants to do now." that would have kept the kids together..but not sure if the judge could have done that.
We did not
Want rights to the older child. She isn't his, BM has been playing games and using her as a pawn and just would be forever. She has a right to know who her real dad is and it's not my boyfriends responsibility or mine to pay for her fuck up for the next 14 years. Sorry but it's true and I don't feel sorry. I feel sorry for the child and my bf who obviously are hurt in this process but it would be more hurt if this all continued. It's for the best for everyone
Ugh, that sucks, but not
Ugh, that sucks, but not surprising. When you say he doesn't have to pay CS, do you mean just for the older one?
IMO, your BF should not sink any more money into this endeavor. Don't go to trial - accept what he's got and go forward with this schedule. But don't take one more minute of time from BM unless she's willing to adjust the schedule permanently.
Sorry for your BF, but I expected this. Men get hosed in Family Court, and these women know how to manipulate to get what they want.
There was no
Order of support given for the younger one at this time and the older child is completely out of the picture now. That's all done and over now which is a relief at least no more games and in the gray area with her at least.
yeah that's what he is looking into doing is having an official agreement instead but if she asks for spousal support to be in it then he's going to trial he will not agree to that and will go forward with the faulted divorce.
thanks, yeah unfortunately I'm learning that too!
It's absurd that they gave
It's absurd that they gave him the bare minimum non-custodial parent schedule, most places at least give the father until Monday morning and an overnight during the week, if not 50/50. This judge is obviously extremely mother-biased to give such a lousy schedule. I wouldn't waste more money on him.
Well unfortunately
we have his lawyer to thank for that. BM's lawyer made her look like mom of the year award and made my bf look like he wasn't trying or anything. My bf's lawyer hardly asked her anything and was not prepared. His head was not in it as he is leaving to take care of his dying mother which I get is hard, but he didn't really try yesterday.
Right now we are looking at settling with her, but there are certain things she asked for before that he will not agree to so it comes down to what terms she is willing to agree to this time. We are worried persuing the faulted divorce with this judge that he will buy the rape thing and my bf won't get anything better than what he was awarded as temporary custody. He is consulting with new lawyers the next few days and will see what they think is the best route.
Good luck. Family Court sucks
Good luck. Family Court sucks the life out of a person. Take care of yourself and him.
Thank you!
I just really hope BM does not try and get greedy and ask for spousal support that she can just agree to what the judge has ordered, they can sign off and this all be done for everyone.
I'm sorry -so wish it could
I'm sorry -so wish it could have gone differently for him. Not surprised though. Are these just temporary orders for custody of the younger girl until divorce is final? I can see where the judge is coming from in not wanting to seperate the siblings. I think in most circumstances that would play a huge factor on judges ruling.
Esmod- I don't think he wanted to continue to fulfill the role/play CS, etc...he was ready to work on detaching the bond and go on with his life and focus on his child. I don't blame him...With the way men get hosed/screwed in courts/life by vindictive bm's for their REAL children, why would anyone put themselves through additional hell for one that isn't. Harsh reality-but such is life. The little girl has a chance to meet her real dad-or not-that's up to bm.
I wish so too
yes this is all temporary orders until the divorce trial in January. Yes I can understand that to a point, but when the BM cheated, passed the child off as his, then when they are getting divorced takes his rights away from the one child and she gets to win them both for being a whore? That is not right.
Exactly on point with your response to Esmod. It is not his responsibility and should not be either. He should not have to suck it up for a child that is not his especially when BM is the way she is with everything.
And this is why so many
And this is why so many fathers get pushed out their children's lives. I think it is a joke. I would advise your BF to think hard before fighting any further. The judge has shown that he favors the mother. I am not sure anything will change it.
I am 100% seeing that
between my bf and then his friend who totally different situation, but wants to be there and care for the child, etc. and the BM keeps being in contempt of their court order and trying to play him up as a piece of shit that he isn't, but BM there won too because his friend is military, his few deployments were held against him just like my bf's deployments were held against him.
My bf is consulting with new lawyers this week and trying to see their opinion. If he goes ahead trying to do a faulted divorce, there is a risk the judge sides with BM and believes her story and he gets nothing more than he has now. So right now he is thinking a settlement option, but it is all going to depend on what BM asks the terms to be. Before she wanted spousal support and my bf refuses and I think he should too to pay her any. They were married under 5 years, she cheated, and she got money for 13 months from him being the military branch he is in he had to pay her.