You are here

Update to my last update: CPS

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

The other blog had so many comments on it so decided to write the new update on the new blog. So those of you who said because there is no formal dates/times were correct. His lawyer said because there is no written agreement or court order, neither parent can be charged with parental kidnapping or witholding, although it does not look good for her to deny him access when CPS has not issued a protective order which they would of done if they were convinced that he abused the children. The more he asks and she denies him access, it will just look worse on her. So she could potentially keep the children from now until a custody order is in place if she so desired.

He gave the option of file a pendente lite motion to be heard next week. However, with an open CPS case he did not believe that was a good idea for many reasons. 1. CPS will most likely not cooperate when they have not finished their investigation, 2. If the judge sides with BM, doesn't gurantee her custody, but would probably weigh heavily in her favor, 3. Due to the oldest not being his, they could argue he has no parental rights and he could lose total custody of her... So he is not going that optionWe are continuing the option of the settlement agreement, but are still waiting for the sheriff's office to get back about the definite date of delivery to her lawyer so we know when the 21 days is up. So hopefully the date for the 21 days is this week, if not it will be next and we can just get the ball rolling on having a CO in place and the divorce done too. Also, CPS has to involve local law enforcement when there is an investigation like this, so my bf talked to the officer today and is coming by tonight for my bf to sign his statement. He said not to worry, it is all routine, they have to do all the steps regardless of whether or not they believe the accusation is true or not, just in case something pops up later, etc. So I think this helped relax us both a little bit, but until the investigation is fully done still going to be on edge.

The CPS worker is supposed to do a home visit this afternoon if not next week. I hope she can do it today, so the investigation can be finished sooner. I suppose it is routine? She said it won't be long and is routine.

So in summary, thank you all for who gave advice in the last blog. Definitely got some helpful suggestions on what to say/do moving forward in regards to BM. 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Good for him for just stepping back and letting it play out. 

What is in the settlement agreement though? Didn't he ask for full custody and she gets a long-distance schedule?

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

his lawyer advised him to ask for the most so then starting asking for that then negotiate and agree on something in between. 

tog redux's picture

That's what attorneys do, but to me, that kind of stuff sets off a high conflict BM, who is now anxious that she's going to lose custody of her children, and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep that.  This is how attorneys fuel the fire in Family Court.  BM isn't going to agree to any kind of full custody going to your SO, so why even suggest that? 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

I suppose to get the ball rolling? Or to spark a response from her and her lawyer? I really don't know. She is has said via text this morning she will not respond and she also said she would not agree to the sole custody. According to the lawyer, after the 21 days, they can ask for a default judgement.

tog redux's picture

Exactly, why WOULD she agree to sole custody? DH wouldn't agree to it. 

Ugh, attorneys. They make it all worse. 

Capricorn63's picture

if they fuel the conflict.

Your BF and you need to understand what motivates people.  Your BF should ask for 73% if BM moves out of school district

50/50 if she stays in district.  No parent should ask for sole custody.

Capricorn63's picture

You don't want to be returning to court for every little thing.  Go for the end game now.  Local school district.

If your BF is military and is constantly moving, the BM will obviously have grounds to stay at 73% and 50/50 will not work for long.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

which is when we are 100% leaving this state and moving across the country. He has had 4 year orders and is a non-deployable unit. He will not be moving due to the military and we are not staying in this state. BM also has no intentions of staying in this state. She wants to move back to her home state as well. My bf has been the custodial parent for 1.5 yrs. we have documentation for the past 7-8 months he has them 60 - 72% of the time. That is why they are going for the out of state schedule now, because it will not be long and do not want to have to go back to court to settle out of state custody within 2 years.

tog redux's picture

But he hasn't officially been the custodial parent, he's just had that time because BM allowed it, right?  So BM will say, "Hey, I supported them seeing their dad, but no way do I support him getting sole custody and moving them away from me."

 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

He pays for their day care, medical, etc. she does not pay for any of those expenses and the status quo has been him having majority of parenting time for 1.5 yrs. She has never in all that time had more parenting time than he has. Either way, my bf does not want to go to trial. He is either going to go the route of asking for the judgement with no response from her or he is going to have to agree, but trial isn't happening, wouldn't be for 9 more months.

tog redux's picture

Money won't matter, they expect men to pay for everything. NCP women rarely get socked with CS, and if they do, they rarely have to pay it. 

I think he'd be better off requesting 50/50 now and agreeing to a long-distance NCP schedule with joint custody when he moves - then wait for BM to get overwhelmed and send them to him. This could go on forever.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

in the settlement agreement that he was not asking for child support while they are with him on his time.

BM could move first and he does not want this going on forever which is why he/they are looking to do a long distance schedule from the get go

Livingoutloud's picture

Who is paying for things doesn’t make any difference in determining  custody. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

during their marriage, he is legally the father. However, until my bf filed for divorce in March 2018 and there was a paternity test on both children (brought up after a friend of hers told my bf the oldest wasn't his) he found out that she was not his and was 3.5 year old then. 

Petronella's picture

Oh ok, that makes sense. BM has never made noise about getting him off the birth certificate?

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

she wanted to take all his rights away as a father to the child. Then she switched to I am trying to do the best for "our kids" and stopped with trying to take his rights away. What also is a factor is the fact that she claims she does not know who her biological father is, she claims she was "raped" but she also has said she was raped before and her definition of it being rape was because she later regretted it. Plus her story of what happened does not make any sense and she has told two different stories of what happened and she never told anyone it happened. She told her friend who told my bf just that the oldest wasn't his and she told her this when the child was over 3 years old.

I don't want you or anyone to think I don't think rape doesn't happen or trying to put anyone down who this has happened to. The BM just constantly lies and plays the victim card and never takes responsibility for any of her actions and this whole thing is inconsistent. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Most states have laws protecting the acting parent in those situations. So your BF shouldn't be able to have his rights stripped. Becuase legally he's dad.

Petronella's picture

Yes this is strange. Why is the older child even a factor in all of this? Is he on her birth certificate or has he adopted her?

tog redux's picture

Legally he's her father, because she was born during their marriage.  I assume he's also on the BC.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

she was born while he was deployed, but his name is on her birth certificate yes. Apparently based on what both lawyers (his old and new) have said is if he did go to trial and do hearings and such, he could lose custody of her if that is what the BM wants. I didn't believe it until now it has been multiple lawyers.

StepUltimate's picture

... should apply both because they were married at the time AND he's on the birth certificate. Her case should weaken because she held the child to be his... and the child has a father/dahghter relationship. 

Your local Child Support agency likely does free swab paternity testing (= literally a big q-tip used to take an oral sample, so its painless), if your hubby wants to get ahead of BM's lies. 

Good luck!

tog redux's picture

Yeah, I've always heard that men who accept paternity of children who are not theirs are stuck for life, and this guy is being told BM could decide to revoke custody rights to a kid who is legally his, and he's on the BC?  Seems weird to me.

OP, your SO may be the better parent, but BM holds a lot of cards. He should just agree to the joint custody with him having the NCP schedule. 

GreenerPastures's picture

The home visit shouldn't be long at all. Don't volunteer to show anything they dont ask to see and just show the areas where the kids spend time. For example, there's no expectation the kids will be in the laundry room so dont show it unless asked. Be prepared to talk about sleeping arrangements. Do some fresh grocery shopping because they may ask to see the refrigerator to make sure the kids have food. Make sure there is a generally cleanliness and order even if the house isn't spic and span.

I hope it all works out. A lot of CPS workers know they get played by parents for custody battles. They still aren't your friend tho

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I've spoken to a CPS worker before who basically told me "they assume guilt and then look for evidence for it not to be." So definitley not a friend to the parent.

Livingoutloud's picture

CPS isn’t there to protect parents. It’s called CHILD protective services for a reason