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Update: CPS

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

So many of you read my post yesterday. Which by the way clearly stated I was looking for advice on CPS, not your opinion on spanking, to be accused of putting my hands on kids that aren't mine (which I never have and never will), or for a break down of everything my bf and/or I are doing wrong. Firstly, the children go to daycare every week day they are not with their mom so usually 4 days a week. They see the youngest full body every day and the oldest they are doing a swim day every Friday and changing out of bathing suits so they are seeing her body as well. Day care who is obligated to contact CPS on anything, has never in a year contacted them in regards to my bf and/or the children. So please stop insinuating that my bf is beating his kids leaving bruises, etc. 1. it is unwanted, 2. it is so far from the truth, 3. AGAIN you are allowed to not like spanking, but a parent can spank their children if they wish, obviously within reason (so if your opinion discusses your view on spanking than don't commment, I will delete them this time). Also, yes I totally agree on we made a mistake on the rock climbing wall, but my bf does not deserve all this due to it. When I was 4, my mom made the mistake of closing a car door on my ankle because there were 3 of us in the backseat and I was in the middle, she thought I was getting out the other side when I wasn't and she broke my ankle. I don't think she deserved to have me taken away or anything because of it and she spanked me as a child. Just saying.

NOW on to the UPDATE: So the CPS worker lifted the hold on my boyfriend being able to see the girls. He also set up his voicemail. The CPS worker is either doing a home visit this afternoon or next week. The investigation could take 30 days, but we won't know more until later. The CPS worker called the BM to inform her that my bf is allowed to see the kids now and that tomorrow morning (today) he would be picking them up as pre-arranged. Around 4 pm, my boyfriend texted the BM as he always does the night before an early morning pick up saying he would be there at 6 am today to pick the girls up and dropping them off friday morning at 7 am. At around 9:15 last night she texts back saying that she would not be giving him the children and that they are staying with her because she thinks it is for the best. To not give all the back and forth texting information between then and now the BM said the girls were at a sleepover and she has arranged for a caretaker to watch the girls while she is at work and how they should be working on being coparents.

Last night, my bf emailed the CPS worker assigned to the case and informing her that the BM has denied access to the children and what should he do. We are waiting for a response from her. When the lawyers office opens, he will also be calling his lawyer. Which we will be finding out if it is this week or next that the 21 days is up for a response from her and her lawyer. The BM told my bf point blank they would not be responding because her address was wrong. Apparently it gets sent to her lawyer, not even her and the address does not matter when it is an address she has been living at, it is the final paperwork that matters about the correct and current address. So hopefully, she just doesn't respond, my bf goes before the judge and then at least the custody/divorce will be over. 

As of right now, my bf is only communicating via text with BM so everything is in writing and we are just waiting to hear from someone what the next steps are.

Comments

tog redux's picture

If she doesn’t show up for court, they will just postpone it. 

The best thing your SO can do is just keep his calm and don’t do or say anything that BM can twist around to make him look bad.  No more back and forth with her. HE CAN’T GET VISIBLY ANGRY WITH BM. I can’t emphasize that enough. 

This is par for the course with a high conflict woman and it’s how they derail the process and take the focus off of them and put it on their ex.  He has to keep cool as a cucumber and keep his entire focus on the kids.  This is really hard, and BM knows his buttons.  But it’s really important the court sees him as a calm rational person. 

 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

and his lawyer said they have 21 days to respond to it and if she does not then it will just be my bf going before the judge and that they do not have to wait on the ex. My bf's dad had a similar instance when he got divorced years ago, my bf's mom did not show up and they continued on without her. 

He has been keeping very calm and is only putting things in writing now. In a way, it might be best he is not seeing them today though or the BM for an exchange because I know he is really hurt and is really angry with the BM, as he should be. So I think a couple days at least to cool off would probably be good for him.

tog redux's picture

I hope that's true, it hasn't been our experience with court.

He just has to ride it out and not let BM get to him. Him getting angry in front of anyone will be used against him - she will say the kids are scared of him when he gets that way and spanks them, and the court will agree with her.  He should just sit back and wait - do not file any contempt petitions, just let CPS and the attorneys sort it out.  Don't get in a power struggle with BM, that's what she wants.

If he looks like the calm rational parent, it puts the focus back on her.

OP - I do hope you guys learned from this - you were quick to use BM's "honest parenting mistakes" (too small undies) against her, and now she's using yours against you.  It's not a win/lose scenario or a zero sum game.  He has to work with this woman for the rest of his life in terms of parenting.  Yes, she's difficult, so it's not going to be easy.  But court isn't going to hand him all the power so he doesn't have to deal with her anymore - so he'd better get used to how to manage her.

Settle this quickly before these kids are further damaged. She doesn't care who she hurts to "win", including her kids.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

He is pretty burnt out after this and just wants it all to be over. I think because the other side has not made any moves, it has all been my bf and his attorney pushing forward that it can end up that way.

Well trust me, there will be no spanking again because it is too risky since he isn't going to lie and say he does not spank them when he does, but the possible blow up isn't worth it, like now is happening. He has responded to her a couple times this morning explaining how he communicates with her about all medical involving the children and she did not mention anything about taking the children evaluated on their mental health and now she has a "caretaker" for the children, but no information on who it is, etc. 

Well it wasn't just the clothings fitting issues, it was the children running out her front door down the street away from her (which he should of called CPS) and the children unsupervised using scissors near the younger child's face, her being arrested for drugs while they were in the car with her, her sharing a bedroom with the children and having multiple men sleepover, etc. The clothes thing was more of a frustration and feeling bad for the kids.

THAT is literally what he told her this morning and has told her. The fact that she isn't making any effort to settle this before the children are more emotionally and physically affected. She does not care about hurting them as long as she "wins" for sure!

WTF...REALLY's picture

My guess is court will proceed without her.

 

When my husband took his ex to court, she did not show or call (you can call into court if you can’t be there), they proceeded without her.

And this was for full legal and physical custody. He won. The whole thing took about 10 minutes. I did not go...I wanted nothing to do with his court cases. My guess is it was helpful to him that I was not there. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

that has been what my bf's lawyer has been saying the whole time since they decided on this route. I will not be attending court for any of this. Maybe when we are married down the road if it is necessary for me to be there, but definitely will not be there for any of this round.

Apparently BM's think they can do whatever and regular guidelines do not apply to them.

justmakingthebest's picture

I would file contempt if the kids aren't made available. It won't do anything in the short term, but if she keeps it up they will have an impact. He needs a written statement from CPS stating that he is allowed to have the children unsupervised.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

when there is no custody order? They have a settlement agreement which says they split the kids 50/50 but she has never had the time to have them her 50%. He does have the paper from cps of the report and on it, says the hold had been lifted, is dated, and signed by the CPS worker.

justmakingthebest's picture

Nope. Never mind. 

He should just keep requesting to have "parenting time" - not visitation!!!- with "Our children" - not just his- as much as possible. He needs to ask every week, probably more than once and let her keep saying no or ignoring him. He should also throw out things like "I wish you would co-parent with me on this matter", "Our children deserve to have both parents active in their lives", etc. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

Yeah he referred to it last night and today as "his parenting time." Has not used our children yet, but was referring to them as "the girls" as he usually does to her. Yeah he asked last night and today, we will be out of town friday - sunday so come Monday he will definitely be asking again, because that was going to be the next pick up time after this morning.

He has said about I wish you would communicate with me. Co-parenting is about communicating and I have done nothing, but encourage you to see the girls. I always ask you after I pick them up, when is the next time you will see them, etc. But I will suggest when they talk next to use more of these positive parenting words!

Currently, he is no longer responding to any of her texts. He said his piece about her not communicating they are seeing a counselor and not communicating who she has as their "caretaker" while she is at work. Also, about having a "sleepover" at 4 and 2, when none of their family lives here. How they had pre-arranged pick up for today in writing and she is not following through, etc. She is currently blowing up his phone trying to say "I'm sorry, but I have tried to make this peaceful and you haven't, etc." So it is not worth the response and are waiting to hear back from the CPS worker and the lawyer. UGH :x

justmakingthebest's picture

Yeah, he is doing the right thing to not respond to crazy or any accusations. 

Just have him redirect the conversation to parenting time and important matters like he is doing- Who is watching "Our daughters/ children"? (We were told that saying "the kids", "the boys", "the girls" or statements like that makes a judge feel that you are not attached for some freaking reason. It is a stupid game that we have to play). When she will allow parenting time? Throw her off by asking health questions- When was SD's last physical, is she up to date on shots, (I can't remember ages!) are they ready for school? Etc. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

about the terminology. I think a big reason he does not refer to them that way is because he would love to pretend there is nothing that attaches him to her. I will tell him though that it would look better for him to use those words though in the long run, at least until a court order is in place.

Well, before they separated, she hadn't taken them to the doctors in a LONG time, they were behind on shots. Which you can't use against her since he could of taken her too, but she was a stay at home mom at the time. Since they separated in March 2018, she has taken the youngest to the doctors once for a tick bite. My bf has taken them for their physicals, shots, etc. Even when they have been sick or something since the separation, she would give them back to him and tell him to take them to the doctors. She has full ability to take them herself, just wouldn't. Do you suggest he ask anyway? Since she clearly has no idea on this information.

School is a whole other issue. I doubt she knows anything relating to school. The oldest could go to school this year (Kindergarton) if they wanted her to, but she is not obligated to because of the birthday cut off. My bf and I talked about it, she is not emotionally ready to go and we fear she would be behind because she doesn't know quite a bit on the kindergarton check list. In talking to my friend who is an elementary special needs teacher, she agreed that it was the best move to have her wait another year. Again, I guess it would benefit to ask her, to show how uninvolved she is on their health/education? They are 2 going on 3 (in 2 weeks) and 4 going on 5 (in November).

justmakingthebest's picture

Yes! Make the converstations happen. 

Even if her answers are "I don't know" or "she isn't ready for school" or whatever- make her engage in co-parenting talk. The more she refuses or doesn't know or ignores the better. Always in writting though! No actual converstations. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

he will not be engaging in any phone calls or anything like that with her from here on out. It will all be in writing so it is documented.

Definitely will have him have these conversations because she is not on the know on anything such as medical and education. He also encourages a relationship with their BM she does not at all encourage a relationship with the kids and him.

Thanks for the advice!

susanm's picture

Why doesn't he hav e custody order?  That is a pretty basic thing to have when there is a high conflict BM.  Just agreeing to 50/50 means nothing.  You need an order setting out exactly what that means.  What days of the week and switch at what time or every other week or first 6 months with him and next 6 months with her.  50/50 can mean anything unless it is spelled out.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

and in VA you have to be separated for a full year before things can be finalized. Well now they have been separated and papers filed since March 2018. The BM has not made any moves on trying to finalize the divorce and sort custody. So that is why my bfs lawyer has now submitted a settlement agreement because my bf's attempt to work things out on their own a few months ago, got them no where.

justmakingthebest's picture

While semi true it is not. I am in VA.

You can have a parenting plan or record day 1 after you separate. This was a lazy move on your BF's part thinking he would lump it in with the divorce to save $. He could have done a parenting plan without a lawyer. They assign a mediator to come up with the temp plan before the divorce is finalized so that children and parental rights are all protected in the interim. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

separation agreement that just says 50/50 custody, due to the BM's work schedule being different every week. Plus she cannot go to their day care as she was arrested on base for drugs and the day care is on base. So it was left vague for these reasons, the BM can never commit to dates/times, more than a week in advance, or so she says.

justmakingthebest's picture

So then yes, you do have an order enough that he should file for contempt. 50/50 and witholding the children is enough to get in front of the judge. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

dates and times for every pick up and drop off since December and he always asks in writing about when she will she girls again, encouraging her 50% parenting time. Okay, this is all good to know! Just have him keep asking to see them and have her keep denying him access to the children.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

she also had in a box a white powder substance, which the base did not test her for, only photographed because she is a civilian. So she technically only got in trouble for the weed. Which really sucks because if it was cocaine like it looks like and my bf suspects, would of really not gone well for her. Later, my bf found out that the fact they didn't test the white powder was bs and should of been done, but it is too late now obviously.

susanm's picture

He needs to get more specific with his attorney as far as what he or she is doing.  In every state you can file for a custody order immediately after separation or at birth if unmarried that spells out specific custody time.  That could have been done with or without an attorney and does not require the cooperation of BM.  

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

in March 2018 sign a separation agreement saying that they would each have them 50/50, but because of the BM's schedule it was not outlined on dates and times. She also has canceled and changed plans with less than 24, even 12 hour notice. She is never reliable on getting the children when she says she is going to or can.

susanm's picture

He doesn't need her cooperation.  If all it took to avoid giving up sole custody of children was to claim that it is hard to schedule things and be unreliable ALL BMs would have sole custody and men would never see their children.  If it is filed through the courts, a hearing is scheduled and in mediation or at a hearing a schedule is determined before you walk out the door.  The mediator or judge will insist on a schedule of custody regardless of how "hard" BM claims it is.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

handled all of this. Which we found out now that he has a different lawyer, she did not do what was in his or their best interest. It was almost like she took the case just to take it, but made no real moves. The only thing she ever did was the separation agreement, then at the year mark, she had made no more moves or had any progress so he switched and this lawyer has done way more in a few months than the other in a year. So not knowing what the right way should of been done and trusting the lawyer, definitely set all this back and didn't help anything. 

Livingoutloud's picture

They don’t need to be divorced to have a specific parenting plan enforced by the judge 

thinkthrice's picture

That the BM will be furious at the thought of CPS rescinding their no contact edict.

I've said it before and I will say it again: CPS is 99% a governmental tool of the HCGUBM and is mainly interested in the low-hanging fruit to boost their numbers.

Real child abuse is almost never prosecuted due to it being highly dangerous and often politically incorrect. Most of the staff is made up by HCGUBMs themselves.  Witness the Girhippo; exhibit a and her former supervisor in CPS land.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

she thought he would have to stay away and is not happy that they lifted it as soon as he talked to the CPS worker. PLUS, he kept her away from the kids for a time over a year ago (before I knew him) because she got arrested for drugs while the kids were with her and now she is being spiteful.

Yeah, it is mind boogling :x

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

After months of the sherrif's dept. looking for Psycho to serve her with court papers we had to hire a privte investigator to find her and serve her... Worth the money, but a pain in the neck.

If she didn't hand over the kids this morning, he needs to show up still so he can say he did, document it, and then call and talk to CPS, AND file with the lawyer (like you've said).  

They don't always postpone court for the BM, but it is likely, so be prepared for anything.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

have been delivered to her lawyer and she has received them as well. Her claim is because the address is wrong, she doesn't have to answer, which is nonsense.

That is what we agreed upon last night! Until, he got the text saying the kids were at a "sleepover" so clearly they were not home. Maybe he still should of went, but again this morning he re-ittirated that it was his parenting time and she is denying him of that. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

lol. They don't care if the address is wrong. If they've served her or her lawyer it's assumed she has them. Regardless.

He still should go when that happens. She has no right to send the kids to a sleepover on his agreed upon time.  Also... Who sends a two year old and four year old to a sleepover?...

If he shows up, then he can say he made the attempt and went. It sounds like your BM is playing some f***-f*** games.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

His lawyer even had the sheriff's department deliever them to her lawyer so there was no "I didn't get them" we are just waiting for the exact date of delivery to him. 

Okay, well next time I will encourage him to still go. He was going to until she was saying they weren't at the home, which could of been a lie. 

AND RIGHT?!? That is what we said. He was like a sleepover with who? No one should be having overnights with the children except you or I. Then this morning she says that they weren't at the sleepover alone, but that she was there too. Which who knows which is the actual truth. To me sounds like she went to her new bf's house.. but that is just me speculating.

YES she is totally playing games. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

that the person should not be me? LOL.. for going as a witness

tog redux's picture

It can be you.  I often went with DH to avoid BM trying to engage with him and start a fight. Just sit quietly and don't get involved if she engages him. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

and we have been trying to avoid that until everything was settled so to not start more conflict. Probably be best for me to be quiet because I have no positive thoughts about her haha.

Capricorn63's picture

She did not deny access to the kids if your BF didn't show up.

So there is nothing to document.  Sounds like your BF didn't try to accept custody.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

when she flat out says "I am not giving the kids to you. You will not see them for a while" in writing. No, he did not because they were not at the home. He also this morning asked for them in writing and said it was his time and she again denied giving him access to them in writing. Maybe he still should of showed up, but they weren't there supposedly and we were worried she would call the police for harassment or something for showing up there and with the CPS investigation going on, we don't want to rock the boat

tog redux's picture

This stuff is tricky. People will say that he should show up, call the police, document his attempts, etc, but that makes him look high-conflict, too.

At the most, show up, take a witness, and take a time stamped picture of something near her house if it ever comes up. In my experience, court doesn't fall for that "he never showed up!" crap anyway, and getting into that tit-for-tat stuff annoys them.

I think he did the right thing - calmly call CPS and say, "Hi, this is DH, there is some confusion - I was under the belief the girls were allowed to come to my home again, but BM says they aren't and she won't send them, please clarify".  And get in touch with his attorney.

As hard as it is, if he goes in swinging and attacking BM and blaming her, he will look just as high conflict as she is. And court still very much sees women as victims and men as perpetrators. So if he can just wait this out and not get too upset, they will see that BM is the one withholding them unnecessarily.

We went through all of this stuff, and only now can I see all the mistakes DH made and how we would have handled it differently. 

 

Capricorn63's picture

My SO has 30 police cards, report #'s documenting his children not being at the Pick up location.  The police love my SO, know him by his first name basis.

He doesn't look like a high conflict person just for actually showing up.  He looks like a father trying to exercise his visitation.

tog redux's picture

He looks like a high conflict person for involving the police 30 times, yes indeed he does. Maybe not to the cops, but to the court, absolutely. 

Capricorn63's picture

was a State Polcie Post.    REQUESTED BY THE HIGH CONFLICT BIPOLAR BM.

The courts loved his police cards as well.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

investigation, he probably would of shown up, but he doesn't want to risk being told he is "stalking" by being by her home and taking photos or that he is harassing her. Plus, the fact she has called CPS multiple times and the police multiple times on him, all with everything being dropped. He has liked playing the part of him not being high conflict because he has not called either on her.

Luckily, he has been very level headed and I have been trying to provide advice when he asks that are not based on emotion, but rationality. He has been very very calm to the BM since this started, he was calm yesterday when the CPS worker recorded him, and is continuing to appear as calm as can be even though I know he is angry and upset. 

That is why I wanted to ask you all! Get advice on what you have tried and how it has worked or what you have learned!

tog redux's picture

It's funny, I look back on our experience, and DH had to file repeated contempt petitions against her.  Every court appearance SEEMED to be initiated by him, but was really in response to what she was doing. You go online and can see all these court filings from him against her.  If I didn't know any better, I would also think he was an asshole ex who kept dragging her to court.  It really does give the appearance that he was the problem and she used that to her advantage, big time. AND, it's what she wanted. To tie him up in litigation, make him focus on her, engage with her, etc.

Then he dropped all court action and let it all go for years.  Guess who then started filing petitions for more money - BM, the true high conflict person all along.

Family court does not handle high conflict well.  So avoid dragging her into court repeatedly if you can. 

 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

like that. So far they have not been to court yet. My bf was trying to avoid court all together in regards to fighting in court and either agree on things themselves and then go to a mediator or to go to a formal negotiation with their lawyers which was going to be done after her lawyer responded to the settlement agreement he sent. So far there has been zero response. 

I will definitely keep in mind that maybe not every issue you should go back to court, but when there are many to avoid looking high conflict.

tog redux's picture

I think he's wise, personally.  Court is the playground for the high-conflict person, and if he can keep it out of there, that's the best approach. 

Capricorn63's picture

I have done this with my BF many, many times.

Ex BM would say that she was going to deny kids.  My SO would not show up, file a motion for contempt, get b4 a judge.

Judge asked "did you show up" my SO would say yes.  BM would say "no he didn't".

Judge asked " did you get a gas receipt that shows that you were in her neighborhood at that time".  No receipt.  No proof.

No contempt.

tog redux's picture

We had receipts, proof, pictures and police reports.

No contempt.

Just lots of money flushed down the toilet. Contempt charges in Family Court are rarely given. 

Capricorn63's picture

We also had awarded 2 days of make-up time for every 1 day denied.  Judge told the BM she was going to award 3 days for every 1 day denied if she continued on this path.

Judge also told the BM that if she was found in Contempt for the 4th time, for denying parenting time.  He was going to "put her in jail, while my SO exercised his Make up time".

My SO got all of those results from a male judge, new to the case, all pro-se.  He never spent a penny on a lawyer.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

state are you in?

Capricorn63's picture

state doesn't matter much.

Showing up and proving that you showed up is what matters.  He needs to get a CO that is not vague.

tog redux's picture

And from what I'm reading, all that stress and drama had the same result we did - alienation.  

Capricorn63's picture

after the alienated teen daughter turns 18.  I can guess how their relationship will end on a happy note.

I am hearing through the adult kids, that she is maturing and now figuring out how the HCBM has manipulated, alienated her, and used her to punish the father.  At this time, she is afraid to - go against the mother and doesn't want to cause the father more trouble.

Capricorn63's picture

leaving courts and cops out of it are a real choice, when you are dealing with a bipolar BM who is narcissistic and High Conflict.

beebeel's picture

It was absolutely the best choice we could have made. BM didn't read, let alone follow, any court orders. And some silly piece of paper or scolding from a judge would never have stopped her PAS campaign, just as it didn't stop your bf's ex. 

tog redux's picture

Yep, it's always a choice. You were unusual in having success in Family Court, we did all of those things and not only lost tons of money, my SS was alienated entirely. 

beebeel's picture

And her bf's situation clearly shows even when you "win" in family court, you can still lose the kid(s).

Capricorn63's picture

I am too much of a financial person.  I would never have spent more than $3k on this. I do believe that doing it Pro-se is the way to go.Judges and courts do have to follow the laws, or you can seek a Judicial review at the state level.

If we didn't win in court, as we did, we would have requested a judicial review of the judges on his case. 

tog redux's picture

But you didn't "win". You lost the child, just as we did.  And all of that stress, drama, court appearances, cop-calling, etc - all only to lose the child entirely anyway.

Maybe it makes you feel vindicated that the court saw BM to be the issue, but that was not our goal. Our goal was to keep SS in our lives.

Capricorn63's picture

This child may turn out to be bipolar and narcissistic just like her mother.  That is some of what we were struggling with.

So we may end up with the goal of keeping her toxicity out of our lives.

Fingers crossed.

Livingoutloud's picture

If there is no parenting plan clearly stating when and where and who picks the kids up and when they return them, it’s going to be hard to prove that he has to have them today at certain time. 

If it just 50/50 it’s too vague. If there is no parenting plan stating he picks them up every wednesday at 6am you can’t really file a contempt or get BM in trouble.

He had to have parenting plan immediately after separation, it has nothing to do with divorce. Divorce requires a year or whatever long to be separated but parenting plan could be done next day after you break up. 

I understand nothing could be done retroactively but right now all he could do is try to see the kids and keep calmly asking when can he pick up the kids etc and have it documented. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

in text message it clearly states from last week that he was to pick them up 7/10 at 6 am? Then he texts her confirming pick up for this morning and she flat out tells him that no she will not be giving him the kids. The CPS worker called her yesterday and told her to give him the kids like they had previously agreed that he was allowed to see them.

STaround's picture

I would be pissed at that too.   He needs a spelled out time and day CO. 

 

ETA -- someone above suggested he should immediately file for a CO, and the court will assign a mediator, he needs to do that

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

7/3, in writing she told him to pick them up on 7/10 at 6 am. As he works at 7 am, has to take them to day care and get to work, if it is a morning pick up during the work week it has been 6 am for months now.

Yes, I agree with you. That is why we have been wanting this all settled so it is in a CO and these games can stop, at least some of them. He is calling his lawyer at 10 am with all these updates and we will see what he says and what update he has

STaround's picture

This is a complex situation.  He needs an outside party to work with both of them to come up with a reaosnable agreement. 

Both of you need to understand that custoday problems can and in this situation will likely continue after the divorce will continue.   He really needs to get a formal agreement. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

She refuses and just starts spouting off it is my way or no way. She will only agree to what she wants. Which is why the lawyer sent a settlement agreement so then they could negotiate in person with their lawyers, but she hasn't and won't respond to that. So it should now just go right before the judge. 

We do understand that, but having something formal will make a difference, won't change everything but will hold her accountable and such

Livingoutloud's picture

Yeah but if it’s just texts it doesn’t have legal power. If parenting plan says he picks them up every Wednesday st 6am it has legal power and she must comply. If it’s just them discussing when he picks them it has no legal power. I’d just inform the lawyer and go from there. When they have official parenting plan then she’ll have to comply as it will have legal power. 

He needs court order. He has no legal power to demand he has kids specific days and times. BM could always say she intended to keep them for 3 months and then he can have them next 3 months. It’s 50/50.  

He needs to file for parenting plan, don’t even need lawyers for that and it has nothing to do with divorce. 

PS BM could also say that 6am is a ridiculous time for a pick up unless kids must to catch a plane and need to get to airport on time. Again without parenting plan what they discuss in texts hold no power. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

says 50/50 custody, but that is literally as formal as it gets at this point in time.

As for the timing, it is because my boyfriend works at 7 am during the work week so when he picks them up during the work week and it is in the morning, it is because she works too. So 6 am the day of or it has to be the night prior. She always wants to keep them till the morning before work so they exchange at 6 am. She is not allowed on base to take them to their day care because of being arrested so there isn't another option. He needs to take them to day care before he goes to work.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

which ended up in her being evicted from base, etc. in addition to everything else

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

she only ended up getting possession for the weed, because the powder substance in a box, they did not test because she is a civilian. However, my bf found out later, they still should of tested it, but they did not. So she got evicted and is not allowed on base anymore.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

I think you should run. Flee. Get out now while you still can. If you ever want real kids you don’t want Biowh0re calling CPS on your household.

STEPHELL AIN’T WORTH IT!

WTF...REALLY's picture

I wanted to share with you the thing about being served papers. So while ago my husband’s ex-wife took my husband back to court because she wanted more money and wanted his pension so she actually tried to get the first divorce decree  fully signed thrown out of court. 

 Her argument was she never got served the paperwork. And for some reason, even though she’s signed the divorce papers, my  husband’s lawyer said it was a possibility to get it thrown out if they can’t find the document that she had to sign saying she received her papers with the date on it. 

 My husband’s original lawyer couldn’t find it. So I scoured through all of my husbands paperwork and finally found it. It was a lifesaver. So be sure you save everything, especially documents that prove they have been served.  If her lawyer that served then he/she should’ve signed it 

 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

My bf's lawyer had the sherrif's department deliver this to her lawyer so there would be no issues with whether or not it was received. That is crazy! I am glad you found it! Yeah none of that sort of legal paperwork should ever be thrown out just in case!

WTF...REALLY's picture

This was a year later after the final court hearing that she took him back to court, trying for more money...so you never know when the paperwork is needed. 

 

Just crazy stuff dealing with all this crap.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

LOL the look on greedy Biowhore’s face must have been hilarious. Did she know you found it? Priceless.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Girl...this  what is the one time I do wish I had been in the court room. Her lawyer didn’t even show up she knew she had such a losing case. She sent her assistant instead. Everything, and I mean everything that the BM was trying to change and fight, she lost. It was freaking awesome.