Tattoos and names
A forum topic I saw today related to something going on currently with me and my bf. I saw someone asked about father’s tattooing their kids’ names on their body and people’s thoughts about it. Unfortunately, my bf got BM’s older child’s name tattooed on the inside of his right forearm when the child was a baby and thought she was his. So talk about a shitty situation when he found out after he filed for divorce from BM that the child was not biologically his. Then in October 2019, BM disestablished his rights to said child, but her name is still tattooed on his arm and especially now that it is summer, it is something we see all the time. Due to the marine corps standards on tattoos right now, we have to wait until he gets out in May 2021 to get it covered up with something else.
While I was visiting my family last week and he was back at home, my bf went to physical therapy and some guy there asked who was the girl tattooed on his arm. Talk about awkward because it is a sensitive situation obviously. Bf told a little bit about it and apparently the guy then asked how old she is, etc. Which was extremely rude given the situation. Bf then told me from now until it gets covered up he is just going to say “she’s someone who is no longer with me,” so he doesn’t have to go into anymore detail, which I think is a good idea. So then I asked my bf if he learned his lesson about tattooing names or words on his body. He said “yes, but granted I thought she was my daughter and would be in my life forever, but I won’t be doing it again.” Which I am very grateful for! Kind of messed up, but I can’t wait until he gets the tattoo covered up. It is frustrating in photos I have taken of him helping SD do something, etc. I have to try and get an angle you don’t see the name in because personally I don’t want photos of that name just popping out and I don’t think bf does either even though he never said so. I have tattoos, but none of mine have any words or names and personally, I think it is best that way because things change.
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It’s my age
I know it but I just don't get tattoos, I really don't understand why you need a tattoo of your kids names either, unless perhaps you've lost them. It's not like you are going to forget their names.
Personally I was not a huge fan of it
On our first date when I saw it for the first time. I did know he had an ex who he had kids with so I was just happy to hear that it was not his ex’s name. Now, I have grown to really not like it, I think it is very distracting and like others say makes it seem like that person is the priority. Personally, I think he got it because he wanted a new tattoo, things weren’t great with BM so the child became the excitement for him. My dad actually has a tasteful tattoo of a shield that is broken up into the four quadrants and has my mom’s first initial, mine, my sister’s and my brother’s. I may be biased, but since it is on his upper arm that is usually covered and it is not anyone’s name, I don’t mind it.
Luckily, I don’t think my bf will get another name tattooed on him or maybe even words after this, so just waiting till we can cover it up with something else for now!
Comming up with short
Comming up with short responses to common questions that are not easy to answer is key to dealing with those that don't know the intimate details of our lives. People don't mean to set off our triggers but invariably it will happen.
Working out these simple things to say to get by the awkward questions from people who do not know our histories and our weak points helps us to get through life without stumbling into difficult conversations that no-one wants to be in. It is a process to learn how to accept and deal with the things we go thorugh and how to explain them to ourselves and to others. It gets easier.
"She's a daughter that I lost
"She's a daughter that I lost," should generate an "Oh, I'm sorry," and no more questions. People generally mean well when they ask questions, and that answer is basically true.
Hope he gets it covered ASAP.
That is what I feel too
Unfortunately soonest will be May 2021. At least we wear long sleeves etc half the year due to fall and winter. Lately he has been wanting to wear long sleeves in summer and I was like why? But now I think part of it has to do with covering the tattoo up, just had not occured to me before
Wrecking Balm or laser
Wrecking Balm or laser removal might also help in the interim. Might also make it easier if he wants to do a forearm sleeve in the future.
Does the wrecking balm
actually work?
He does want a sleeve, especially he already has another tattoo on that arm, just is something that has to wait to happen. The name is in black so something like that might be a good idea to do beforehand
I believe there’s also make up
Made for tattoos to cover them. He could try that if it really bothers him. Temporary solution, it it sounds like a temporary problem until he can get work done.
That is true!
I don't want to bring it up though and make it seem like I am not wanting to look at it. He has said I can't wait to get it covered up, but I feel like me saying until then we can put make up on it may make me look like I have a massive problem with it until he can.
Retouch is an app....
Retouch is an app and you can literally just circle it press a button and it is gone. Pictures are an easy fix as there are many apps just like this.
When a child is born in a marriage in most states it is considered the legal child of the father whether it is his or not so I am a little surprised the court did that to him unless it is what he wanted. The whole situation is awful for him and for you!! Hopefully he will be able to get rid of the name soon I am sure it is a painful reminder no one needs.
That is good to know
Thank you!
It was definitely not what he wanted, but in the state of VA the mother or persumed father of the child can ask for court ordered genetic testing and if it is proven the child is not biologically the father's then either parent can disestablish paternity. That is what BM did. BM requested the court to order genetic testing, to which the judge granted, then once the results proved the child was not biologically bfs, it was over with because they were getting divorced and the judge legally could not give bf custody of a kid that was now proven in the court by way of genetic testing to not be his. It is forunate in a way for those who were falsely mislead and want to remove their rights, but unfortunate for those who do not want to do that like my bf. At least bf doesn't have to pay child support like other states would make him even though BM committed paternity fraud.
Thank you it has not been an easy thing and I know one reason bf is looking forward to moving to the other coast next year is because he can have the name covered up and no one will be asking what happened to the child. LIke now people in the marine corps he hasn't seen ask him about her. Not anyone's fault they do not know any better, but we are both looking forward to the day it isn't brought up anymore and he can heal