Talk about a red flag
and I don't mean one about bf, but rather any of the women bf's brother has been intimate with/been in a reltionship with. Basically the biggest reason bf and I have not been out to his home state until now even though we have been together over 2 years now is because bf’s family is a mess. Specifically his dad, mom, and all 3 of his half siblings cause a lot of drama and aren’t the best of people. Bf’s dad is the exception, although his mistakes are making bad decisions and having too much faith in people. Bf’s dad has been married 3 times, Bf’s mom (who he doesn’t have a relationship with anymore) is about to be married for the 4th or 5th time, Bf’s sister was pregnant at 15 and is married to and has kids with someone else and they get in physical in fights (both of them), bf’s one brother has been in and out of jail and bf’s other brother is the reason for this post.
While we were on our trip, we spent majority of our time with bf’s dad. Bf’s brother that is closest to him in age has 5 kids. The first child’s BM (brother’s 1st ex-wife) is in prison for life. This is because the BM let strangers/friends abuse their (brother & 1st wife’s) daughter since she was a baby until she was 2 or 3, then she also ran over her drug dealer and killed him, so now BM’s in prison for life and brother has full custody of child. Then the brother married again, had 3 children with her. His 2nd wife, hated the step daughter because she wasn’t hers, and she became her main care giver since dh (brother) worked 60 – 80 hour weeks. Then when the 2nd wife was pregnant with their 3rd child, brother decided he was leaving her. Brother divorced 2nd wife, who said she did not at all want any of the kids. Now in November 2019, brother knocked up a third woman, had the child in July. So on our last night visiting, we saw bf’s niece (the 1st child of his brothers that had been abused) and she came to stay at bf’s dad that night. While bf was doing the dishes, he got to talk to the niece quite a bit and found out that now this 3rd woman is the main care giver of the brother’s 4 children, plus their baby together. Apparently the new woman and the child’s dad, expect her to get up on her own, make her breakfast and lunch, and walk the block to school by herself while everyone else is still sleeping. Then, the girlfriend when she wants to go out somewhere whether it be the store or whatever, will leave all 4 of the other children for the 11 year old to watch. Then we found out from bf’s dad that now the niece doesn’t have fully covered medical care like she used to because neither her dad or the girlfriend will or can take the child to her court mandated therapy so the coverage continues. Bf’s dad used to take her to all of these and be the child’s main care giver, but his health for the past year has not allowed him to do so.
The point of this blog is I just feel so bad for this child who without even meeting her you know she needs help, support, and love and she really is not getting it. I saw someone’s blog today about parent’s giving up on their children and while this is not what they meant (more on the parental alienation POV it was talking about), but this is an example of a parent not doing what is best at all for one of their children and is really suffering. Part of me thinks bf thought I might be hesitant about a future with him or think of him differently after seeing and hearing first hand about some of the really harsh reality about his relatives, but that is not the case at all. If anything, makes me understand him a bit more and why he keeps such a distance from them and where he grew up. Does make me sad though when a child really only has the one parent like in this case the BM is not in her life at all and really shouldn’t and there really isn’t anyone advocating for her. The child’s biggest advocate was bf’s dad and his health simply doesn’t make him able to be anymore. Plus according to the state because of his health, he legally can’t be responsible for her. I especially feel bad that at least the brother’s 2nd wife instead of being compassionate for a child who has been through some really horrific things instead wanted to get rid of her because she wasn’t hers. I get that the child probably had major behavior issues etc. and wouldn’t be easy to love, care for, etc. but then don’t get with a man who already has a child. Just food for thought.