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Taking bets, pick up is today

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

Pick up for my boyfriend's daughter is today at 3 pm, this is only the second pick up since the court date that ended the legal relationship between my bf and BM's oldest daughter and put a temporary custody order for my bf's daughter. We have not heard a peep from BM since her saying her oldest daughter asked to call him twice, my bf did not open the message for her to see he has read it, and she has not sent another one. 

So who thinks in a few hours she is going to start messaging him again about taking her oldest daughter too like she did two weeks ago? Who thinks she is going to bring it up when he gets there? For my bf's sake, I sure hope she gets the picture by now and does not mention it via message or to him today, but we all know she is an evil disgusting person and probably will. 

The attorney my bf met with did advise any time BM offers more time with his daughter to take every second of it, so we will be doing that. Unfortunately it'll be a week or two till he has the money for the retainer for this lawyer so no progress on that front till everything is done. Bright side is no matter what the divorce pre-trial is a month and a half away and trial two and a half months away, so one way or another it will be done within 3 months, so at least there is that. This lawyer also mentioned about having in the decree to state what will happen when my bf gets out of the military since we will be moving out of state then so they do not have to go back to court to address that, it'll all be in the decree already so I definitely think that is smart!

Anyway, hopefully today goes smoothly with no drama, but the probability of no drama is extremely extremely slim. 

Comments

tog redux's picture

At some point, she's going to have the older child waiting for him and begging him to go with. Today just might be the day.

Prepare for anything!

ETA: I have mixed feelings on the taking extra time thing.  I know when you are in court, it's the right thing to do. But with a BM like this, it could lead to her once again giving him most of the time while having control over everything and collecting CS.  It's a slippery slope, but it does make sense to do it until the court stuff is settled.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

all the times she tries to get him to contact or spend time with the older child. Not that we know if it is going to help anything, but perhaps it will help getting a no contact order implemented, have no idea. So logging that, pick up/drop off still, and now also what we do with his daughter on his time. 

That would be unbelivably cruel for both him and the child. I did ask him if she did that what he would do/say. He said he does not know it would be an in the moment thing. At most he said he would probably say something to BM about how she needs to explain to her things and stop trying to use her as a pawn, that it is over, etc.

At this point he is not paying her any child support, so yeah I think until there is an official custody order that it is good! After that, I agree and he agrees about following it to a T. We were even doing that now, but the lawyer said it could show that she doesn't want as much time as she claims in court.

tog redux's picture

It could show that, or it could show that she's a good mother who values the relationship with the father - depends on the judge's perception of her.  But he definitely can't go in asking for more time if he's turning down what she offers in extra time.

If she does have the child out there, it might be the right time for him to tell her he's not her father, and he's very sorry but he can't see her anymore - a formal goodbye.  Painful.  Hopefully BM won't put her through that, but I wouldn't be surprised if she did.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

and she legally made sure of making that distinction. My bf did not ask the attorney about how that all plays out because it was just a consultation, but as soon as he signs him on, then he will bring it up and we will see what he thinks, but at least we have the info ready in case it could help.

I agree and disagree. I mean yes, at least that acknowledgement would occur and close the book. At the same time though, I don't feel as though he should be the one to explain this to her, that is it BM's responsibility. I hope she does not either, it would be horrible for my bf too, but I agree I also would not be surprised.

tog redux's picture

No, he shouldn't have to be the one to tell her at all. Seems kinder than saying nothing though. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

It may be BM's responsibility, but as she is trying to shove that on BF, he has passive permission to settle it for his own mental wellbeing. BM will keep shoving "OSD" on him until he shows that he's done playing - and telling the girl that he isn't her father would do that.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

but saying nothing vs "I am not your father" they both sound bad to me :x

Lieutenant_dad, that is a valid point, it may end her trying to push the child on him. I did not think of it from that angle before

justmakingthebest's picture

I hope BM just stops her BS and torture she is putting the older girl through. She really needs to get her into counseling because that girl is going to be seriously f***ed up as a teenager with daddy issues. There is nothing your BF can do other than what he is and none of it is his fault. BM made a very nasty bed and now has to lay in it. 

I agree with the attorney on extra time. Just keep documenting it.

As for settling the out of state now, I think that is a great idea. I don't know if this will help but I figured I would let you know the arrangement I have with my exH with our kids since we area east coast and he is in California. 

He gets them:

  • Summer- 7-10 after school is out until 7-10 days before school resumes. Dates based on flight prices.
  • Spring Break Every year
  • Christmas break from Dec. 26- 1 day prior to school resuming.
  • Up to the full week of Thanksgiving, dates based on flight prices. (I let them miss 2 days of school for this one)
  • We also have that any time he or his wife are in the local area they get free, open and liberal visitation with the kids. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

She apparently is getting her into therapy. The part BM is, pardon my language, fucked up about is her whole, "you need to be involved in her therapy." No, he does not and he will not be, exactly what you said it is BM's responsibility and it is all her fault so she needs to be the sole one to bare the consequences. 

That is helpful to know! Especially since I know you're in VA now, so it is kind of similar it will also be opposite coasts. We were worried about having to go back when the move occurs, but as he is military, this lawyer said it is possible and reasonable to have that already added and laid out now, so later there isn't another court battle. 

Thanks for the info!

SteppedOut's picture

When is your boyfriend getting out of the military? Does he have a job secured already, is that why you plan to move away once he is out?

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

by his contract, but with the leave he has, realistically is 3 months sooner than that. Yes he has a job secured which is why we are moving to that specific place, but if he didn't have one we would of definitely been moving anyway, probably not as far though.

hereiam's picture

At the same time though, I don't feel as though he should be the one to explain this to her, that is it BM's responsibility.

So, nobody has yet explained to this girl that your BF is not her father? She just thinks that he doesn't want to talk to her or see her?

I agree that it is BM's responsibility but BF might have to take the reins and do it himself. That way, the girl has some understanding of what is happening and why, and your BF can control the narrative, somewhat. BM is going to paint your BF as the bad guy, anyway, he might as well get his 2 cents in (without going into a lot of detail, like how BM is a.....).

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

For the last year the child would say how "mommy said you're not my daddy" so BM has either told her or the child has overheard her mother. 

I just think seeing the child in general is going to be painful to my bf, it has been 3 weeks now since he last saw her. While yes I feel bad for the child and such, I am not wanting my bf to put himself in the situation to re-open the wound to where it was 3 weeks ago. Obviously he hasn't moved on or anything like that, but the distance and time does help and this is going to send it all backwards. I feel bad for the child yes, but it is not his child and it is not his responsibility to do x, y, and z to make it better for her. To me it is BM who needs to do it because it is her child and all her doing. Not trying to sound like a cold hearted bitch, but there comes a time where we have to cut ourselves off and can't out of feeling sorry for the child do x, y, and z to make it better for the child, or we will never get to move forward and always be involved.

Harry's picture

Why isn't DH doing the picks up and returns.  You did not have these kids . You don't have to put up with BM. Why put yourself in this crazeyness ?  If DH wants to see his kid he should be the one doing the pich ups 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

I never once said I was doing the pick ups... He is doing the exchanges, I have never met BM. All i was saying was I wonder if BM will try and have my bf pick up the other child as well like she did last pick up

bananaseedo's picture

Hey Harry, did you READ her posts? She never said she was picking them up.  Get a hobby~~

bananaseedo's picture

My bet is yes, she will try some bs as usual.  HOPEFULLY not and it's a good pick up for him.