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So today is pick up and guess what BM is going to be late

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

So for those of you who have not read all of my blog entries, BM about a month ago had asked they do all communication through this app called App Close. So my bf set that app up and only has been communicating with BM through this app. Well somehow I guess we denied the app for sending notifications so we did not know until BM texted this morning that she messaged my bf on the app on Wednesday. Her message said "I was wondering if we could move the days around for the weekend? Could we switch to next week I don't mind the day you pick for pick up but we were trying to coordinate Thanksgiving early since you hate at least *his daughter* Let me know as soon as you can so I can coordinate." So we missed this message and even if we didn't, my bf would of told her no, I have plans with daughter already scheduled especially since it has been two weeks since he last saw her. 

So this morning she texts, not in the app saying how she and her mom are out of state and her car got run off the road, the girls were okay because they were at the hotel when this happened. She doesn't know when she will be back today. She was supposed to leave early this morning and be back early this afternoon. Mind you my bf's pick up time for his daughter is at 3 pm today. So he responds to her in the app saying how they agreed the app is how they will communicate about their daughter, that it is one thing to extend time for holidays such as thanksgiving and Christmas, but it is another thing to ask to switch weekends two days before pick up especially when he only gets 6 days a month, he has made plans in advance already for his time with *daughter*, how he is glad no one was injured, accidents do happen but he is disappointed he will not get *daughter* on time today, and that he wishes she would not of tried to come back from being out of state on the day he picks her up and jeopardize the limited time her has with her.

She then responds the accident happened yesterday, how she was not going to "push the girls in the middle of the night so you could be passified." She continues on how she is not making stops or gaffing off and should of been back yesterday and "I'm on a donut and shouldn't be going over 45 on it. But since you seem to want her today I'm going to do the best I can on the donut." 

BM literally could not take responsibility for her actions if her life depended on it. Plus she tries to make my bf out to be an POS for expressing his disappointment and stating that she is affecting the little time he has with his daughter. BM also says "I was going to see if you wanted to start taking *daughter* by herself to ballet so you would get an extra day or evening with her" .... AKA she is trying to make herself look great for court in offering him more time, but realistically it is under 2 hours, drive to BM's pick up daughter, drive her to ballet, then drop her back off at BM's, so really no actual time spent with her. Plus we know BM will be their with her older child at the same time for her ballet class.. so now you are trying to get bf to see other child on purpose since he will not take her anymore, in a public setting so she can try and call witnesses if my bf reacts badly to this.... I told him only way it would be worth it in my eyes is if he got an overnight with his daughter out of it, but the other factors make it really hard to decide. 

So yeah, BM supposedly will be back around 5 pm tonight, I doubt that will happen though and we shall see what other drama BM tries to start up between now and then, plus at pick up. Stay tuned .... P.S. she can't spell pacify

Comments

tog redux's picture

So - this is her beginning to withhold visitation. 

He should minimize his discussion with her, and just say - I will pick up DD at 3 as usual for this weekend, I am not in agreement with the switching of days.  

 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

is trying to look like she is "so cooperative" and that she encourages the relationship between them, when in reality she is just trying to control it and make him do what she wants

It's too late to get her at 3 today, she already said she won't be back at 3, which is fine because it is all being documented. I won't be surprised if she ends up texting back saying to get her tomorrow morning instead because she is getting back too late

tog redux's picture

But - this is not her trying to look cooperative, it's her trying to withhold visitation and have an alibi for it. 

He really shouldn't have any discussion with her beyond the basics - that this is his time, and he will be planning to pick her up at 5, then. 

BM here did this repeatedly to DH. I'm having flashbacks reading this. There was always some supposed "good reason" why SS couldn't be there for his time with him.  It's a very high conflict behavior, and it's her way of punishing him for not taking the older child as she wants. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

any message she sends except for this one about not being there at 3 pm, he has not responded to because there is nothing more to discuss there is a court order that lays it all out for them.

If you noticed at all, she contradicted herself several times. I went back and read the messages and you can even see it here a little bit. One point her plan was to be back early this afternoon and at another point her plan was to be back last night. At one point she fixed her tire (that is in the texts not this post) and another point she is on a donut... Accident had to of happened early yesterday if she was planning on being back tonight so she shouldn't of had any problems fixing or getting a new tire, but all of a sudden it took till 10 am today to fix the tire, but she texted this morning like the accident happened today... it is all bs.

tog redux's picture

Yes - "I'm out of town and delayed" was one of BM here's very favorite ways to interfere with visitation time.  Chances are good she is NOT really out of town, or she is out of town but does not have a flat tire. She totally planned this as a way to interfere. 

From your first post, it sounded like he had a long exchange with her, sorry for the confusion.  

If she isn't there at 5, it at least won't look great for her in court. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

my bf didn't agree to switch weekends and she did not want to come back early so she tried to extend her trip as she wanted anyway. It is full of holes and bs, hands down!

No worries! I can totally understand that. He sent a total of two messages to her she sent like 10. The first one was lengthy to point out how he didn't know the daughter was taken out of state, how it is his time, etc. so that way if the court does look at these messages, it shows he did not know, agree, and that he was reasonable with her, but firm about his time and it upset him to miss any time he can get with her. 

NOPE, it will not and I honestly kind of hope she doesn't get there at 5 so it can just add on to our log, but as we all know it may not even matter at the end of the day.

Iamwoman's picture

Ha!

The Maggot Queen regularly tries to seem cooperative, but she has been 15 hours late to every single visitation drop off for nearly half a year now.

We just keep documenting...

SteppedOut's picture

Well, whoever called that there would be and EMERGENCY on your last post was spot on! 

Stinks. 

Petronella's picture

Sounds as though your SO is handling this bogus "emergency" as well as he can. I really like the way he responded to BM's text in the app instead of by text! Good precedent to set. 

Regarding BM's oh so gracious offer that SO schlep SD to ballet and back to BM's again - totally agree he should turn that down! That's not extra parenting time, that's just being an errand boy. Good tactic to insist that offers like this should only be accepted if they include an overnight, either before or after the SK event. And of course BM's real reason for offering that is so she can bring the older girl around again. Hope he keeps saying no to stuff like that!

hereiam's picture

That's not extra parenting time, that's just being an errand boy

I remember when BM would offer DH "extra time", which was really her needing a babysitter because she had a date. Um, no.

tog redux's picture

Yeah - I remember once on the 4th of July, SS said, "Mom says I can stay the night" (we only had him for the day).  Not, Mom wonders if it's okay with YOU that I spend the night. Not DH asking if SS could stay the night. 

Nope, sorry, BM. 

Gimlet's picture

Oh man, yeah.  Texts from SS: "Mom says you can come and get us if you want to spend time with us".  

"Mom says you can have us this weekend if you're not too busy with Gimlet"

I do not miss that bullshit.

tog redux's picture

Me either! I don't miss the "Oh no, we are out of town and can't get back in time for the extra time I offered you", crap at all either.

I miss nothing about those nightmare days. 

Petronella's picture

It's always at the last minute, too!  So taking BM's wonderful offer of more time, would often mean throwing our own weekend plans out the window! Then the really fun part would be when it would all get cancelled anyway, again at the last minute.

We used to get a lot of "YOUR daughter (14 or 15 at the time) is out of control, I need you to come get her right now!!!"  DH would often receive these text while he was still at work. Sometimes BM and SD would tag team him with competing texts and phone calls about how awful the other was being. 

He'd agree to come get SD after work and bring her back to our house for a few days. More often than not, just as he was getting ready to go get her, he'd then get: "Oh, never mind, she'll just stay here, it's all fine, we don't need you after all, I can't imagine why you would think that SD would possibly want to go to your house." 

To his credit he did stop going along with this song and dance after a while. 

tog redux's picture

Yep. DH finally stopped accepting BM's "kind" offers of extra time, because they just signaled she was in the mood for some cat and mouse. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

Since they have downloaded the app and started that, he has refused to respond via text message, only responds to the app. I think partly BM did not want it to be in the app that she took the child out of town and is going to be late, etc. 

Exactly! His lawyer said take any extra time she offers, but I think the lawyer would agree on turning this down unless it includes an overnight and then turning it down because BM's ploy is just to bring the other child around him and try and set him up. Luckily, my bf communicates very openly to me, he sent me screenshots of the messages, then called me, we discussed what we thought the motive was and best way to respond and then carried that out. Which makes me feel very secure about not having any surprises in regards to BM and BM trying to get the older child back in his life. Also makes me happy that he said no to me about it and did not make me have to express how I thought it should be a no lol.

**Edit: any extra time she offers until the actual custody order is in place. Especially when he is not paying child support now, so he doesn't get screwed that way during this time.

Goodluck's picture

All the gibber gabber about bm is irrelevant OP

What IS important is, A custodial parent is required to have the child ready to travel to ncp at the time and place in the court order. PERIOD.

Your BM appears to have a time managment problem.  She would have looked better 'in court'  IF she planned her visit out of state during the week boyfriend did not have his visitation. Proper planning is what mature adults do.

Now about bf lawyer saying HE should take all the time bm gives 'to look good in court". that is not true

..Fly by the seat of ones pants behavior feeds the chaos and I disagree with what the lawyer told bf.  Kids need schedules, life is filled with schedules. Schools have schedules, work has schedules, buses, airlines and trains have schedules.  Heck even movie theaters have schedules. Imangin if you will,  life without schedules.

Kids need something they can count on.  I would say NO to the make up time bm is tossing at bf.

" HEY bm, it is too much back and forth for daughter. It is not good for her. Stick with the order. IF you have too much going and you cant manage an easy visitation schedule, I WILL agree to switch custody. Then you can travel all the time if you want to. Our daughter deserves parents she can count on".

JMO

Booboobear's picture

I am confused, does BM live two hours away? does DH have to drive two hours to get visitation? then how far do you have to drive to go visit the parents for Tday?   

 

tog redux's picture

No, they live in the same town. BM took the kids out of town and then *shocker* she can't get back in time for his weekend.  Page 35 of the GUBM handbook. 

thinkthrice's picture

Always make the pretense of being cooperative while trying to get your way and withhold visitation