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SD and the “developmental” concern

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

So Bm finally uploaded the records from the wellness visit and the immunization records from SD's appointment. When looking at it, we noticed on there it says under reason for visit "developmental concern" so  bf messages BM and asks what is that about.

BM says SD does not know her colors, her numbers, or how to write 1 - 10 as she should at 4 years old...

SD turned 4 not even 3 months ago, she does know her colors and her numbers, hands down. Bf and I have been working with her for months on it and she DOES know it but she can be lazy sometimes about it. As for writing the numbers she literally just turned 4 so we hadn't worked on that part yet. So bf responds for Bm telling her she does in fact know that but you need to work with her every day on it, how when she was in school on his time that they work on that there too, etc.

BM responds saying she works on it with her everyday multiple times a day and she doesn't know these things well. She continues on to say how the pediatrician recommended them to see some specialist about it. BM says how she doesn't want her behind for kindergarten, etc.

I can tell you wirh 100% certainty that at least prior to June 1, she definitely never worked on it with SD, bf and I started working with her on that in January on our time and until summer when we could be super consistent about it, we didn't see large improvement.

BM always has to say something is WRONG with SD especially trying to insinuate that bf has something to do with it when that is so far from the truth. It's super frustrating but go head and see someone BM for attention like you want and to try and seem like mother of the year. 


beebeel's picture

Our kiddo is 4 and this is his second year in preschool. They traced some numbers once last year, but I've never heard of a developmental milestone that kids should know how to write numbers by age 4. They don't even teach writing much in schools until kids are 5 or 6.

Either BM is lying about this or her doctor is nuts.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

A few months ago I told my mom how frustrating it was how SD knows her colors but can be so lazy about it and act like she doesn't and my mom was like "she's just about to be 4, it's totally normal." And my mom is a school social worker, has worked in day care and preschool aged kids, currently she does elementary, but between that and 3 kids she knows what she's talking about.

SD didn't know numbers or colors or her whole name until bf and I started working with her on in since January. From turning 3 until January BM had primary custody and did not teach her anything or even get her potty trained, that again happened once we got every other week in January till June. Around March bf messaged BM and asked if she could work on her with potty training, colors and numbers because it was being frustrating that every other week she was in pull ups or diapers and not learning anything during BM's weeks. Bm responsed saying she has been doing educational work books with her, etc. but it was very evident it was all a lie. 

I believe Bm brought it up to the doctor and the doctor was probably like if you're concerned you can see this specialist. 

SeeYouNever's picture

I have a nephew like this, 3 years old and non verbal. His mom will tell people "boys are slow" and things like that but has enrolled him in all these services to try to help him. I think some mom's like for their kids to have a problem and need help from an outside source because then it's some disorder or developmental thing, not her poor parenting. They also get a lot of attention and free public services for it and my SIL is always looking for something free.

I have seen my nephew at 2 years old hold up several toys to her clearly wanting to do the colors and she just ignored him. This boy gets so much time on youtube it's ridiculous. If he is grunting she just hands him her phone to make him shut up. She says they are educational videos but if she isn't actually working with him in the real world as well it might as well be visual candy. My husband and I saw the speach delay a mile away.  She is a lazy SAHM and judges us for sending our daughter to daycare. If you're not going to raise your own kid don't give me judgement about daycare.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

BM HATED that SD went to daycare on our time but hello she learned both educational things there and social skills!!! On BM's time she doesn't teach her any of that and it is very obvious. 

hereiam's picture

I know that BM, over here, started claiming that SD was "slow" at a very young age, trying to set herself up to get government benefits for SD's "disability".


futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

That's why bf made a point to explain that SD does in fact know these things but you need to continue to work with her on them, etc. 

SD is not slow but every time BM goes to the doctor there is something "wrong" with her. BM's older daughter definitely didn't know to write numbers at 4, we were in her life till she was almost 5 and she definitely didn't know that, but of course nothing was wrong with BM's kid it is just the one she shares with bf.

thinkthrice's picture

Or to get an IEP as a smokescreen for lousy parentimg.  One must keep up the MOTY pretense.

shamds's picture

Wants kindergarten kids to know 1-5, they say at this age them saying numbers is just more from memory of hearing 1 2 3 etc and not recognizing them from how they're written. 

remembering colours is not even something they focus on yet alone how to write the numbers. They have been doing rainbow writing where they trace the alphabet letters in lines but thats it.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

The only reason we focused so hard on getting her to know colors and numbers was because we knew come September 1, BM wouldn't have her in daycare or preschool and that Bm wouldn't be teaching her these things so we tried to do what we could on our time.

SD knows it not just being something she repeats, we would play games and have her count things on both her fingers and such to try and get her to understand what the number really means. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

BM probably pressured the doctor to get the specialist referral, and he/she did it to shut BM up and get her out of their office. I have a friend who has 2 kids. At first she told everyone how they were both geniuses. When the boy wasn't as sharp as the girl, she started taking him to doctors to "find out what's wrong with him." They never found anything, but one doctor did write something about him possibly being on the autism spectrum due to behaviors the mom reported him doing at home. She used that to get the boy in special ed at school. Every year she had to fight to keep him in because the school said he didn't need it. She loves to tell people she has a "special needs child." It's an excuse that gets her out of anything she wants. "I can't, i have a special needs child, and....." Poor kid is so nice, i hope he isn't warped for life. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

You're probably right. 

we only tried so hard to get her to learn the colors, numbers, and at daycare she learned about the shapes because we knew Bm wasn't going to put her in school until she has to for kindergarten so she was going to lack learning the educational and social skills she was getting in our home. 

NotThatTypical's picture

BM tried similar crap with the youngest. He was tested for autism in PreK and the teacher was giving all the reasons for the test. Shapes and colors was one issue. BM agreed he didn't know any of them, SO didnt and infront of BM and the teacher called kiddo over and asked him. He got every single one right. Teacher was also supprised because the kid listened to SO the first time he asked him to come over. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

That would be exactly like if we were to have that happen. SD does not throw these "fits" BM has said she does over tv at her house. Hell I've never seen SD throw any fit over anything or even yell or scream. Cry and give some attitude sure, but that's the extent of it. Bm is into the free parenting of let kids do what they want and let's play princesses and magic all day instead of teach any life skills. 

Livingoutloud's picture

 Omg one of those BMs

BM here claimed that skids (now adults) are special needs and have some physical limitations, severe allergies, difficulty learning etc None true. She claimed she herself had learning disability and was dyslexic, none was true. It's done for multiple reasons: attention, hopes to get SSDI on kids, ways to excuse poor parenting etc BM also claimed that skids have Tourette's, they do NOT.

OSD now does the same thing. She herself apparently very ill with random stuff, severely allergic to everything, etc and she is NOT. She does the same with SGD. SGD made some sound which meant nothing and OSD concluded that SGD inherited Tourette's. More so she talked to a 5 year old how she has the same thing as grandpa (my DH has Tourette's, but no one else in his family has it) and how this is the actual thing. I couldn't believe my ears. So she is already created a narrative how the child is not well (she is smart and healthy little girl), in addition no one diagnoses Tourette's at young age. It's actually very hard to diagnose because you have to rule everything else out! 

my DD is a successful professional with graduate degree but I am sure she didn't write number at age 4. I don't think she knew letters. She only did things they taught at pre school, she refused to practice anything at home and both I and ex worked and had no time for that. Her career is all pretty much reading, writing and researching. What she did or didn't do at age 4 has no bearings on her life. BM needs to shut up 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

100% this

Felicity0224's picture

I don't understand moms who clearly want something to be "wrong" with their kids. If the child doesn't actually have special needs, convincing them and others that they do will only serve to hold them back from reaching their full potential. There is no amount of money or attention that would entice me to make life more difficult for my child. And yet we see this pattern of behavior over and over on this site. It blows my mind. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

But the BM's who do this are not normal and don't care about what is best for the kids especially if it stops them from getting sympathy or attention 

Winterglow's picture

I don't understand it either. As the mother of a child who has Down syndrome, I would give my life for her to be a "standard model".

thiscantbenormal's picture

Count me in for a BM with all of the above. 

Wouldn't surprise me if BM thought DeeDee Blanchard was a model mother.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

About BM probably trying to get SD labeled as disabled that's exactly what I was thinking was of DeeDee!