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OT - What to write in card after a suicide a year ago

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

I am back for just some advice unrelated to step life. My cousin committed sucide a year ago and she was 17. I am sending a thinking of you card to my uncle and aunt and I have not a clue what to write in it. Anyone have any ideas? My parents are moving my sister into college today and I really don't want to have them thinking about today (it was a year ago today) when trying to help my sister/keep her mind off of it. I am sending it today, so it will be late unfortunately. The first time I tried to buy the card I got really upset and walked out of the store. Then when I finally was able to get the card a few days ago I have had not idea what to actually write inside.


EDIT: I ended up writing something like:

There are no words and no card that will make this any better, but I want you all are in my thoughts and my prayers. Uncle, Aunt, Cousin, Cousin, and Cousin, I am thinking of you all, especially deceased cousin. Sunflowers, butterflies, and all beautiful things found in nature, radiate her beautiful soul and the joy she had brought. Forever I will remember when she painted *dog*'s nails vibrant pink even though the dog was male. 


***I did not write deceased cousin obviously, just to keep it straight forward who I was talking about I wrote it this way. Those aren't verbatium words, but along the lines of what I wrote because once I finished I went and mailed it off. Thank you for the advice, in the last year there has been so much said or written so I was really struggling on not being repeative of others or what I have even said before.  


Kitten Whiskers's picture

I had a very close friend commit suicide years ago.  I told her father she was always a bright light to me, and would continue to be for the rest of my life.  

"Aunt A and Uncle B, thinking of you and Cousin C today.  All of you are in my heart and prayers.  Love, Future."

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

I already sent a message this morning saying "Thinking of you all today. Big hugs from VA. I love you all" 

because last week when I asked my mom what to do she thought I should get a card and send a message that day. I like the "all of you are in my heart and prayers" part, I will include that

JRI's picture

I dont see anything wrong with saying you just dont know what to say, how sorry you are and how you are thinking of them so much.

still learning's picture

Write about the memory of a nice experience you had with your cousin and how you were thinking of her.  The parents will appreciate a bright spot in their day.   

Exjuliemccoy's picture

My DH and I refer to what you're struggling to express as The Words. When his son died, we were blessed to have a lot of supportive family, friends, and coworkers. All would say basically the same things: so sorry, so very sorry for your loss, sympathy, condolences, you're in my thoughts, call if you need anything, blah blah. Good thoughts from caring people, but after a point it all blurred together. We developed our own grief language "Hey, heard from your cousin in Arizona today. She said The Words."

What stood out was the people who weren't afraid to talk about SS. The anecdotes, funny stories, and reasons why they loved him helped the most. So, do that. Tell them you're thinking of _____ today, and remember when (insert funny story here, the sillier the better.) They'll appreciate that.

The_Upgrade's picture

What people said above. But if it's not too hard for you, also don't wait until the anniversaries to do it. If she's in your thoughts send her parents a message saying just that. I lost a highschool friend in a car accident and sometimes there will be moments that make me wish she was still here or reminds me of something funny she did. She was her mother's only child and her mother said she's glad her daughter isn't forgotten. It makes her feel better that even though life goes on for others, it's not like her daughter never existed. 

Chmmy's picture

Every letter and card I received when my kids' dad died, also suicide, was a comfort.  Eventually the letters, cards, emails stop and people don't mention the deceased person's name.  They are afraid it is awkward or upsetting.  People have actually asked me if it is ok if they say something to BS24 about his dad passing away.  I always say please do, he likes to talk about his dad.  Anything you send anytime is a great reminder to your aunt and uncle that their daughter was loved. It's almost 6 years for us. We are losing touch with his family more and more each year. You just inspired me to check in with them...thanks!!