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Not that we care but

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

this morning I had to print off SO's W-2 form so he can go and get his taxes done. While I was logged in under him, I also could see that yes, they took off BM's older child off his coverage which is good news. I also saw that apparently BM changed her last name, not back to her maiden name, but a different name. So yeah, I think she actually got remarried the second she realized the divorce decree was signed. Neither SO or I care, actually it is a good thing she got remarried, but it is rather odd because we have never heard SD mention a word about a man in BM's life at all. Not one single word. Also, it says SD has only been covered off of SO's benefits January - September... when she is supposed to be on SO's medical insurance. Is this something we should ask BM about? It is in their CO that it would be under SO's insurance and we will need to know when we move and start new jobs about paying for SD to be on our plan or not...

Lastly, of course on MyPay, it still says "married,' but EVERYWHERE else was corrected. So annoying that almost a year later there is still somewhere else that needs to be corrected on this, but admin keeps saying it has been updated everywhere. Good thing I guess I noticed now since that would stop me from being able to be registered as his spouse next month. Ugh it never ends

 

EDIT: People are misinterpreting what I am saying is weird here. I am not saying it is weird BM did not tell us she got remarried, I really don't care whatsoever. What I am saying is weird is that BM got remarried and SD has never mentioned a man or anyone outside of BM and SD's sister whether in person or over the phone. My guess? Is she married another man in uniform who is either deployed, in bootcamp, or something like that. She is a uniform chaser who doesn't want to work, so to me it is just odd that there is this person in her life that SD has never mentioned. SD mentions me often to BM and I know based off comments BM has made so she is fully aware I exist and this other person is a ghost that BM remarried.

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justmakingthebest's picture

Yeah, BM here didn't say a word about getting remarried. We only found out because I was looking on her FB page for pictures still claiming she is a nurse- which is all there is- but I saw a picture of her in a hideous white dress standing next to her BF(now husband) who is old enough to be her father holding a marriage certificate. 

We don't care either, but it is weird that it was kept from us. I swear it is some kind of power trip thing with her. 

Glad you caught a loose end so that you will be able to get into DEERS quickly once you do get married!!

 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

it is weird that SD has never mentioned this person who BM remarried. I think BM was trying to get SO to ask when she kept using "we" a few weeks ago making it seem like she did get remarried and wanted to make it known without saying so. SD talks about me a lot and I know that because of comments BM has made in the past, so it is strange that SD has never mentioned anyone but BM and her sister in person or on the phone while at BM's.

We will not be telling BM that we got married, but I don't want BM to try and pull in court that anything sent to her is invalid because she changed her name and we did not address her correctly in the paperwork. We aren't telling SD either until we see her for spring break then if she tells BM whatever, she doesn't also whatever.

Yeah I am happy about it too, apparently will take 2-3 weeks to fix and we get married in 3 weeks and a day, so close call on that.

MissK03's picture

BM here got remarried in 2019. Texted pictures to the skids the following day. I happened to see a pic on SDs phone and was like what! They skids didn't mention anything about it to us for a few weeks and we didn't ask although we knew. SOs friends wife is friends with her on Facebook so she confirmed via post made. BM and her (now husband) were engaged for awhile but, didn't mention anything about an actual wedding. 

We were happy about her getting remarried because it voided parts of SOs retirement that she would have gotten... LOL don't think she realizes that.. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

I think my post was a bit confusing, I think it is weird that there is this person that BM remarried but yet a 4 year old who constantly talks about BM and her sister to us and then me and her dad to BM, has never mentioned this person. That is what I find strange. We will not be notifying her when we get married, it is none of her business. I don't think it is weird she remarried and has said nothing to us

MissK03's picture

It is strange if she supposedly got married and SD didn't bring it up at all. I do not think she needs to tell you guys (if she did) as you don't need to tell her when you guys get married. 
 

EDIT: if SO and I get married we will NOT be telling BM. Clearly she will find out through the grapevine via skids but, SO will not be telling oh! By the way missk and I are getting married. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

my only concern is if we sent her legal documents and they get rejected because we put the wrong last name on them because we didn't know she changed it. I am thrilled that she is no longer Mrs. SO (So's last name) that I will be the only one with that title in relation to my fiance!

 

MissK03's picture

Which makes sense for you guys to know her actual name now but, she doesn't need to tell you the reason for her name change. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

I never said I think she needs to tell us anything, but if it can make legal documents invalid if we serve her or something, then that is something we should know. She doesn't owe us any reasoning of anything unless it directly impacts SD.

tog redux's picture

I bet she didn't get remarried, just changed her name to something else. It happens - people take a family name or whatever. 

I'm confused by the insurance thing - what do you mean she wasn't covered on his benefits? BM can't take her off of his plan without going through him. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

that would make more sense.

So SO said the same thing. What I think happened is when everything cleared with the divorce, blah, blah, that they like re-enrolled SD. Because it says from 09/09/20 - 05/06/21 that SD is enrolled and covered. The good news is BM is NOT enrolled and BM's older child is offically taken off too.

SeeYouNever's picture

It seems to be a common theme that BMs want to know all about it when their ex marries the stepmom but a lot of them hide it when they get married. 

BM hid when she got married and when she was pregnant and had a baby. We don't care the leats but but SD12 told us she wasn't allowed to tell us. I wonder if BM told her that knowing she can't keep a secret and would tell us or because she actually wanted to hide it. SD tells us all sorts of things that BM has told her not to tell us. I'm pretty sure that telling her not to tell us is a guarantee that we're going to find out about something. I wonder too what her motivation was to hide it. BM has always been very sneaky and that's one of the reasons why they got divorced in the first place. a lot of the time BM will put on an act like my DH is the unstable or abusive one and that she's just doing these things to protect herself. I think a lot of it was just putting on a show for her new husband. if she is talking to my DH on the phone and she's at home she's very polite and cordial but if she's by herself somewhere she becomes raging bitch really quickly I think it just depends on whether her husband is there or not. It must be exhausting keeping up this front. My DH and I live by the philosophy that if you don't lie you never have to remember anything.

We told BM we were getting married and having babies, not right away, just when it became relevant to custody time. And we certainly didn't ban SD from telling her.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

ex-wife receives spousal support because I know my friend's husband's ex when she got married she tried hiding it because he paid her spousal support and wanted to keep getting it.

We are not telling SD until we see her in person in March that we got married and if she tells her mom, we don't care one bit, but there is no point telling a 4 year old over the phone when you got engaged and married. As for the baby thing I totally get that because it may alter your availability for custody time.

justmakingthebest's picture

YES!!! Knowing if their ex get's married is "Important for co-parenting and in the best interest of the child" but when they get married it is none of anyone elses business. 

 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

I feel like the people who actually use the word co-parenting just want to be co-ntrolling, because the real people who co-parent don't need to put that label on it.

lieutenant_dad's picture

It's entirely possible that she didn't get remarried and just changed her name, but that would make me nervous (though anything ET does makes me nervous). I will say, the boys rarely mentioned ET's BFs. We always found out she was dating someone because she said something. Unless asked, the boys never really mentioned the men in her life. They didn't act "fatherly" to them usually, so they were non-players to the boys. Like you said, it's possible she married someone who is deployed (or perhaps lives where she planned to move) and SD just hasn't met them yet.

I will say, though, that IF you find out she is married, it would be good for your FH to find out who they are and do a quick background check on them. Your BM, similar to ET, is sketchy as hell, and it would be good to know who SD is around. I usually don't advise snooping on new BFs/GFs to find out info, but after ET dated a sex offender, it became the #1 thing DH and I did whenever new blood showed up.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

used to either be dating or just sleeping with some man, we heard his name several times and how "he sleeps with mommy" so I think that is why it is more strange if there is this other man to not hear one peep about him. I do actually have a theory after what tog said, I think she might of changed her last name to appear as if she got remarried because we know she started going back to church and getting all about Jesus and pushing it on SD. Then to people she doesn't have to fill out legal documents it can appear as though she got remarried and he is just overseas or something so she doesn't look like this single mom of two children with two different dads, but only been married once.

Yeah, that is true. BM is very sketchy and it would be good to know. After seeing it this morning I did do some snooping, her instagram is not on private and there is not a single post of a man or anything about a man, BUT in the last few posts she is in she is wearing one of those jelly rings athletes wear when married but participating in a sport on her wedding finger. So... further strengthens my theory. When I got engaged I posted it all over and I will be posting wedding photos too.

Felicity0224's picture

BM never told H either, but she had met some guy online and was trying to take the SDs 1200 miles away to live with him, so they got married 3 days before the trial for that modification. We found out and told H's attorney, who decided to pretend like she didn't know. So when BM was on the stand, attorney kept referring to the guy as her "boyfriend" and BM eventually corrected her. Attorney acted shocked and started asking questions about why the hasty marriage, why wasn't her husband there in court to support her, etc etc etc. It was actually kind of hilarious because BM got all flustered and defensive.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

based off Tog's hunch and lieutenant's suggestion, I did do some nosey poking around on social media and searches, I think BM just changed her last name to something random. It does not appear as though she got remarried, which if she did, yay that means she will stay away, but if she didn't and just changed her last name, also yay because now she doesn't have my soon to be husband's last name anymore. So win-win either way!