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A little early but Thanksgiving

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

So this morning I had a thought, I was like I wonder if thanksgiving weekend falls on our weekend to have my bf's daughter since according to bf he got thanksgiving, but only from 8 am - 1 pm... Well guess what it does, so now we run into a what to do? My bf was considering not taking thanksgiving this year since the amount of time he gets is unreasonable for the holiday and we are supposed to be 4 hours away at my parents. He should get the temporary custody order today, there was a delay because of the judge's schedule. So my bf could have misheard what the timeline for the holiday was.

So what are the chances do you think that since his time starts the next day at 3 pm, that BM might allow my bf to just pick her up thanksigiving morning and instead of taking her back later that day to pick up the next day let him just keep her until Sunday when his time ends? To me there is two options, he skips taking her on Thanksgiving and we drive back that night or early the next morning for pick up on Friday since traffic is so unpredictable for our route. Or we ask BM if he can just keep her since his time starts the next day anyway. We wanted to stay at my parents for more than just Thanksgiving, but unless we have her for the holiday and the weekend that is not going to be an option because he should not skip both his time for the holiday and his weekend time. 

Of course it would fall this way!


tog redux's picture

I would suggest that he NOT start asking BM for extra time at this point.  Because then she will do the same and insist he give up his limited time for something she wants to do.

You guys will need to decide if seeing your family for Thanksgiving is more important than seeing her for those 5 hours. Since he may be trying to get more time with her in a few months, I would suggest he not give up this Thanksgiving time and you guys skip your family's dinner or ask them to do it at 5 when you can get there.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

for pick up at 3 pm the next day? Ugh. I know that would probably be best so he doesn't miss any time, but just so frustrating because the drive can take a couple hours longer because of the route we have to take and traffic. Last year took us 6 hours to get to my parents, so it is really unpredictable to plan to make it where we need to go.

Only thing I am maybe holding out on is maybe BM wants to go back to her family that is 16 hours away for thanksgiving so she might want to work out a different schedule too? I don't know!

tog redux's picture

Our experience was that negotiating with BM was an exercise in futility. She would rarely give up her time, and if she did, she demanded extra time to "make it up".  If she did give up her time, it was because it suited her.

If this BM wants the kids all the time, make her feel that - unless she agrees to a more reasonable schedule. I know it would suck to do that drive in two days, but really, he can't go into court in 3 months saying he wants more time if he gives up the little he has now.

When my SS was alienated, it was very sad - but then we gradually came to love not dealing with this kind of crap anymore.

STaround's picture

I agree with PP, not taking the time he has been given will not look good if he wants more time.

I dont see a problem with asking for more time, even if the BM wants a switch of time. 

BethAnne's picture

While everything is in flux I would take every minute of scheduled time, otherwise it will be brought up in court and could adversely affect how much time he is ultimately awarded. If it were me I would go to my parent’s on my own and my boyfriend could have a few hours with his kid and then w can all be together for the weekend when we could start our own thanksgiving tradition. Splitting time with another bio means frequently missing out celebrating things on the actual day of the event, but it doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate in our own way on another day. 

tog redux's picture

Yes, true. We rarely celebrated with SS on the actual holiday.

twoviewpoints's picture

My GS has always had a spilt Thanksgiving with his parents (Christmas too). 

BM does a big breakfast in her home for friends and family and she's off to other family for dinner. DS leaves at noon to pick-up, gets back about 2pm and then DS and GS have dinner with our family. It's worked for all of us for fourteen years now.

Unfortunately your family doesnt live as close, but that's really not BM's nor the court's problem. For the time being, at least, you're likely going to have to pick your pririoty and decide one or the other. Does it suck? Sure it does. Your one hope, until a court changes the schedule, is for BM to get tired of having to stay home herself and she decides to work with you on it. 

tog redux's picture

Yes, when we did have SS for the actual day, we sometimes had to just cook for the three of us since we didn't have enough time to travel. 
As pointed out, BM is stuck at home too. So let her experience that this year so she will agree to alternate this holiday instead of splitting it.