Kinda O/T - Labeling on Social Media as a Bonus Mom
So kind of off topic and I know this will get a response probably in every direction, but why do some SM's put on their social media bio as being a "Bonus Mom." I am not knocking anyone who does this, but I am curious as to why some SM's might put that on their bio. Personally, I do not feel the need or desire to put it on my social media and that is not because I do not love my SD because I do love her very much. I don't know if it is becasue I do not have my own children? I know some people when they have a child they like to put their name or initials of their child/children in their bio, so then they want both skids and biokids on there, which makes sense to me. However, childless step parents and especially childless step parents who barely see their skid/don't like their skid, confuses me. The barely childless, barely seeing skid, not liking their skid is actually someone I know who has this on their information.
I do post pictures of and with my SD, but I do not label her as my skid or as me being a bonus mom. My family treats step children the same as if they were biological children, so maybe that is why I am not about pointing it out or needing to point it out. Anyways this is just a curious post. I know some people on here do not like their skids and rightfully so, but the person I referred to above does not really like her SD, but lists herself as a bonus mom.
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I'm not putting up bonus mom
I'm not putting up bonus mom because I don't want to claim SD as mine. BM has reminded me before that I am not SDs mom. And honestly it took everything in me not to say thank the lord I'm not because that would be embarrassing!
Idk if it was on ST or not, but I remember someone calling their stepkids penalty kids instead of bonus kids and I thought it was hilarious lol.
Totally makes sense to me!
So then if you could speculate with me why would someone who does not like the SD and the BM constantly says horrible things about the SM, put on their profile that they are a bonus mom? Only thing I can come up with is for attention.
That is pretty funny lol
Bonus Mom
Holy frick. If anyone on here did that I would take it as sarcasm LOL nothing bonus about being a SM to horror freak shows.
Some may do it because they have a really good relationship and want to express it. Or they are trying to convince themselves. Personally when I was married I once posted a pic of me and snotty SD and she went crazy mad. It was for friends only, not public, she was a friend of mine on facebook. She was mad I did not ask permission she was 20 yrs at the time. But I did ask permission and she said yes, but changed her mind after the fact. I should have titled it Me and Broomhilda LOL
Ah I guess it could be sarcastic
On the good relationship part, I understand putting that, but when there isn't much of a relationship and you don't really like your SD I don't get it.
OMG! hahaha. I would of been like then SD you shouldn't of taken the photo with me. You take the photo with me then I can post it if I want to!
I think there are varying
I think there are varying levels of relationships that SPs have with their SKs, and some SPs may truly be "bonus moms/dads". They have been in the SK's life a long time, maybe the other BP is deceased, the two are really close, etc. Plus, not all marriages end in dramatic fashion and continue to be drama-filled, so everyone is an "equal" parent. Plus "bonus mom/dad" doesn't have all the negative connotations that stepmom/dad does, so I can see why folks with truly good relationships would prefer a different term.
Then you have the folks who put it because it's the "politcally correct" thing to do. Or they are clout chasers who want the likes and loves and thumbs up. Or the folks in denial. Or the folks being sarcastic.
I personally hate the term "bonus mom/dad". I am a parent, but I'm not a mom or dad. There's a line there that I don't intend to cross and don't need an honorific to cross it. I do call myself a "stepmom" and my SSs "stepsons" to denote how we're related, but that's all the more meaning I put into it. "Bonus" just feels way too gushy for my rocky steplife.
However, I did call myself a "bonus mom" when we put an offer on our new house. We were asked to write a letter about who we were and why we wanted that house (they had SO many offers that my realtor told us to pull out all the stops), and I used it to my advantage. I have put up with enough crap that I think I can steal the term for personal gain at least once.
Yeah that is a good point
I guess I wouldn't be so curious if it were not for me personally knowing someone who came onto the scene when SD was 5, bought a house with and married SD's father all under a year, and SM saw SD one time during this time period. In the last 2 years, SM has spent time with SD on 4 small occasions, and does not like when SD is there/SD is starting to act like BM, but then she puts on her page all this exciting Bonus Mom stuff and I just don't get it. SM doesn't really like SD and hates that her DH had a child with someone else, but then tries to portray to the rest of the world a different story, so I was curious. All I can think of is attention or clout.
Haha, that is hilarious, but I am glad it helped you all get the house! You have done so much for your SKIDS, that hell yeah you should of used that to your advantage!
This
I was about to say 'bonus mum' stinks of I'm pretending to play perfect step mother to kids I can't really stand, so all my 'fans' will go 'awww how sweet'... You beat me to it with the real life scenario
Hahaha
Yeah I think it is a sympathy thing. Like I said I post photos of or with SD, but I label it either something with her name or in reference to what we are doing, never as bonus mom, step mom, step daughter, etc. The people who need to know, know my relationship with SD and those who don't already know, don't need to be informed either.
Because they don't have a fully formed sense of self
And must brand themselves in someway. Like those folks who identify as "Navy Wife" or "Soccer Mom". Like they don't exist unless it is through some one else.
Yeah probably
I personally don't like the term "Military Wife," but maybe I would feel differently if when I was with DH he deployed? However, I am so happy he is getting out of the military so the possibility of him leaving me for extended periods of time like that is off the table. We have succesfully in 3 years only spent 1 night apart and that is practically unheard of for being with a man in active duty.
So am I that old
That part of the spouse pre-deployment brief included discussion about not having decals on your vehicles or home that proclaimed you were a navy wife. It could make u a target. DH spent 31 years active, 26 on sea duty , much of it spent deployed. I never felt the urge to be titled navy wife.
I don't have a "bio" on
I don't have a "bio" on social media, so there are no kids or skids there to worry about.
If I were to put "Mom to DD" or something like that on a social media bio, DH would probably be offended that skids weren't mentioned, so I'd likely include them, too, and I'd be fine with that - they're mostly good kids and we have a good relationship. I would NOT call myself bonus mom, though. That term makes me cringe. I'd use stepmom. I've heard BM refer to herself as "bonus mom" to her SS. She truly treats him as a bonus child, even though she's only known him a couple years, so I don't think she's being disingenuous, but it's still cringy.
Titles
Here, titles vary by child. SD59, well, I call her "DH's daughter" to the public but with him, I call her "our daughter". To myself, I call her "that *itch". She calls me "Dad's wife" (accurate). SS57 sometimes calls me Mom and i refer to him to the public and DH as "our oldest son". To myself, I call him "favorite stepchild". SS53, we refer to as "youngest son". He refers to me as "JRI". Sigh, steplife....
Oh that is just so perfect,
Oh that is just so perfect, so you say to yourself I call her '' that *itch". For me I say that itch kind of something that just drives you nuts. Yes Sigh steplife. Oh and bonus mom, nope.
Maybe because stepmother has such negative connotations?
Thank you Disney for that! Bonus Mom is a much more positive term, though I don't know why you would use it if you didn't have a positive relationship with skids. Maybe wishful thinking?
I've always been their "step mom" when they introduce me to their friends, and they call me by my first name when they address me. No issues with that!