Kind of O/T, military and divorce
So as you all know, my bf received the final divorce decree last week which we are super excited about! Unfortunately, since my bf is military, he has all sorts of other paperwork to do and file now that the divorce is finalized. For starters, bf has to submit all his divorce paperwork to remove BM off of his healthcare, dental, spousal life insurance, which in turn also removes BM’s older child off of the health and dental insurance. Not to sound like a bitch, but I am happy this is finally being done. BM drug her feet for two years while getting to enjoy free healthcare and dental for herself and her child. So while in a way I feel bad for the child because I cannot see how BM can afford while being a nanny for less than 25 hours a week (last we heard), I also do not because she has had two years to figure it out and again it was her choices that lead to this. BM getting to enjoy his benefits is finally ending and I am happy for that. Sorry not sorry.
On the other hand, now bf has to apply for BAH (basic allowance for housing) all over again because he had been approved for it since he was married, but now he is not, he has to apply all over again. So there will definitely be a lapse in pay, which bah is a pretty big chunk of, but hopefully it won’t be too long. Plus the higher ups in his company are aware of his situation and said they will try and push it along as fast as they can so crossing fingers it won’t be too long.
Also, BM messaged on Friday (the day after she was supposed to call SD) and asked to call her on Saturday. So bf told her she could call at 9 am Saturday. BM then asks so I have to call at 9 am? …… Um yes BM, we are not doing your job for you and having the child call you on the date and time you are supposed to call, just because you can’t seem to call when you say you will doesn’t make it our job to make sure you follow through after. So BM did call and spoke to SD for like 30 mins. After about 10 SD did not want to hold the phone so bf put it on speaker phone for her while we were doing things around the house and SD just asked what she was doing, BM did not answer the question, but changed the subject, to which SD asked her several more times and BM finally gave the most of an answer by saying “about to drive.” Think maybe BM thought bf was there and wanted to know what she was doing or something, which we don’t care whatsoever, but I felt bad for SD she kept asking and BM wouldn’t answer the question. BM has not mentioned about calling again or anything so who knows when the next time will be, but I am glad for SD she finally actually did.
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He still has one child in
He still has one child in DEERS so he shouldn't have to apply for BAH again. The child is his primary dependent. BAH isn't based on "married" or not it is "With dependents" or "without dependents".
As for the phone calls, I would let her know that next time she wants to talk to SD to try and keep it to a 3 yr olds attention span- about 1 minute per year- so more than 5 minutes is WAY too long and SD is just going to get annoyed with the calls.
Hmmm.
I don't know about that, everything I have heard from the military is that they are a stickler on BAH and custody after divorce
For the Marine Corps
it is different. He has to have the child for more than 90 days every calendar year and after this year he doesn't
... trust me they went through the whole order and spoke to many many people today. So because he does not have her at least 90 days per year he has to re-submit. Because his divorce was just finalized they have to process that in the system first and then do all the work for the BAH packet. It is ridiculous I know, but he spoke to many higher ups today, etc. there is no way around it. Only way would be is if he owned a home or had an active lease for a place both him and the ex lived at together, which they haven't lived together since March 2018
Well the reason I said not married is because originally he got it because he was married, i.e. had a dependent, it wasn't having a kid was how he got it.
We let her talk the whole time we were cooking breakfast because we didn’t know how long the phone call should be. Last thing we want to do is give ammo to BM and the judge to say that bf is not giving adequate time on the phone
I promise that isn't true. He
I promise that isn't true. He can have the child 0 days per year, as long as they are a dependent and in DEERS he gets BAH. I have been doing the military spouse thing for over 20 years (WIth my exH and current DH).
I just texted my old friend who is a MSgt in the Marines to make sure but I think someone told your BF wrong.
This has me all flustered LOL- My exH and DH would have BOTH lost BAH if that was the case. There is no way Marines are different. Housing is DOD not branch specific.
I am not trying to insult you in any way
I understand that, but the latest marine corps order dated 2017, which is what IPAC follows states:
(3) Joint Custody. In the case of a Service Member who is divorced or the unmarried, biological parent of a child and who has court-ordered joint custody or court-ordered temporary custody/ visitation rights of at least one minor child, BAH (without dependents) may be approved under appropriate circumstances. To be eligible, the following conditions must be met:
(b) The minor child(ren) must reside within a reasonable commuting distance, herein defined as travel within authorized liberty limits, or the Service Member must provide a reasonable transportation plan - agreed upon by the custodial parent - by which the minor child(ren) will reside with the Service Member for a minimum period of time totaling 90 days or more every calendar year; and
(c) Submit the request in accordance with paragraph 2 below. Include with the AA Form a certified true copy of the properly completed affidavit in support of the court-ordered custody (Figure 52) with required attachments (i.e., divorce decree, separation agreement, court order for custody, deed, lease, statement from the custodial parent, etc.).
Which none of the above apply to him. He spoke first to IPAC which handles his pay and BAH, then he even spoke to the Major, 1st Sargent, and Staff Sargent, e tc. of his platoon which they all said the same thing. He has to either have her more than 90 days every calendar year or been in an active lease from where he used to live with BM. I know the military orders on BAH vary for different branches, but that is what the marine corps order specifically states.
EDIT: If your master sargent friend knows any different, advice would be great, but he spoke to make people today who are responsible for pushing up these papers and approving them, etc.
EDIT TO THE EDIT. hahah: https://www.mcieast.marines.mil/Portals/33/MCIEAST-MCB%20CAMLEJO%2011012...
I looked over this and couldn't find any loop holes or anything that helps his case, plus my bf and the staff sargent looked it over too
That's crazy. I will let you
That's crazy. I will let you know when he gets back to me, probably this evening.
I would greatly appreciate it!
Yeah, unfortunately he was running all around today talking to a bunch of people. What is annoying is some of the guys have been like if you are in an active lease they can't take it away, but they left out the part that you have to still live where you did prior to separation and where you lived with your ex spouse.
Edit: The good news is everyone thinks there will be no problem with getting them approved, apparently with COVID-19 they are not wanting people in the barracks. It all just comes down to getting the papers signed off by everyone that needs to, etc.
I stand 100% corrected! The
I stand 100% corrected! The Marines screw over their people. My friend said that they live in housing with his new wife and 2 stepkids and when his kids visit they have to list them at the housing office as visitors and dont get "bedroom credit" for the 3 of them.
No other branch does this.
My husband is so fired up
My husband is so fired up over this right now!
That's why I told you earlier
I was not at all trying to be insulting or anything. I know your spouse is military, navy I believe? But the marine corps does it's own thing and screws over their people this is only one example! I will update on here what ends up happening, but he will probably end up getting it is just a matter of when and if he gets back pay for lapse of not receiving any. It can really go any direction. Thank you for checking with your friend though just is good to get another confirmation and know there is no other way around it
I did find this on a Marines
I did find this on a Marines dod.mil page:
Hopefully that would help him since he is paying CS, he should still get dependent BAH.
YUP ^^^^
YUP ^^^^what just making the best said. Stupid edit did not land where I asked it to . :/
Now I understand why BM was dragging her feet
She did not want to lose the health insurance. She going from free to paying for a family plan. And all the other benefits she eas getting. PX for shopping. Plus who know what else she was getting.
Well for the health
and dental care for herself and a child, hell yeah that is why she has been dragging her feet! She had nothing to gain by finalizing the divorce really in her eyes. She has not been able to go to the PX or step foot on base for over two years, but she has gotten free benefits for longer than she should of by dragging her feet, hands down!
She should be able
To force your BF to get a military ID card for their shared child now, actually. With that, she will have entry to the exchanges.
Not quite, there is another
Not quite, there is another card that BM would have to get. When my ex and I split he wanted me to do that so I could still get on base and use military facilities. I had no desire, so I never did. I was told that you can't "sponsor" another person on base until you are 18. So the kid's ID won't work for BM, it is only an insurance card for her.
Yeah
exactly
Exactly right
And BM cannot get this other type of card because she is banned from any marine corps base because she was arrested for drugs for it and evicted from the military housing because of it. Bf’s daughter will still be on his military health insurance, until he gets out May 2021, then he will be switching to the health care provided by his new job. BM still has a dependent ID, but they need to be renewed every 4 years I believe it is? Which she cannot go on base to get a new one and now they are divorced so I don’t know how closely businesses look at the expiration date of those ID’s, but no BM officially loses the benefits she has dragged her feet to keep for as long as possible and I am glad to be quite honest.
Is that a recent change?
With DD's dependent ID card, I could get on base and in exchanges without an issue because it was for her, and her card grants full access to Exchanges, MWR, and Commissary and always has. She was 8 at the time of the divorce.
Again, either way it does not matter
because BM is not allowed on any marine corps base because of her drug offense. Even with D having a card, especially right now, anyone over 18 going on base has to show ID and you have to be registered in the DBISDs system, between COVID-19 and everything, Quantico at least has been super strict. I had to register my license in the system just to go on base with bf to pick up SD at day care. Before they didn’t need to check my ID at all because I was with bf. Now, everyone entering has to be registered or they won’t let you on base. Even though I am on the list as a contact and able to pick up or drop off SD. Things might calm down, but as of now that is their guidelines.
It was that way for Air Force
It was that way for Air Force bases 10 yrs ago when I got divorced. DH's divorce was so screwed up and I am sure BM2 kept her ID until it expired to be able to get on base if she wanted to. My exH asked me surrender my old ID, so I did...
Probably!
Bf didn't even bother fighting to get BM to surrender her old ID. Legally, she is supposed to, but we know that unless it was in writing in the court or something she wouldn't do it and it wasn't worth the fight because hers expires this year. So it is what it is at this point. BM got herself banned so that's all on her