I could not be in my friend's shoes
So I have a friend who is married (remarried) to my bf's coworker (he is also remarried), who has a going on 7 year old daughter (husband's child). His ex wife (BM) is extremely high conflict and I would not be able to be in her shoes (my friend, SM). So this morning I get a few texts from my friend (SM) saying that the BM called the cops on her and her husband, not once, but twice to do a wellness check on SD because BM could not get a hold of her. So BM likes to be in constant contact with SD when she is at her dad's, texting all day every day, calling multiple times a day. Meanwhile, on BM's time, she does not let SD talk to her dad every other day (which is what the court order dictates) and since BM is constantly invading on dad's time with child, they blocked BM's numbers on all of their phones and everything. So BM is going crazy, using apps to generate new phone numbers to text the dad on, spamming his email, and then yesterday calling the cops twice to do wellness checks.
Now, about a week ago my friend, SM said she was going to do this and I advised her against this for many reasons. 1. They are planning on taking BM back to court very soon, so playing these petty games with BM by not letting BM call the child like BM does on her time, is not going to win any favor with the judge, 2. It is just going to ramp BM up who is already off her rocker, 3. It is going to hurt the child. Unlike my SD, she does not have a phone, she does not understand about being able to call and talk to the other parent whenever, etc. This child is fully aware that SM and dad are mad at BM, so they aren't letting BM talk to her or vice versa.
My suggestion to my friend was to let her know that at this day and this time, BM will be able to talk to SD, that way, they are still encouraging the relationship with BM on dad's time, but not giving her full range to interrupt their time with SD. Apparently, my friend did not take my advice and just went on this whole f**k BM, she is being blocked on everything, which to me, is not going to help anything. I totally understand how frustrating it must be with BM constantly blowing up the kid's phone and her husband's phone, but until they get back in the court room, they are also going against the court order by there being zero contact.
I don't know what other advice to give my friend because her husband will communicate back to BM because he doesn't like drama so he responds when she messages from different numbers, but they have been talking about court for MONTHS and have not proceeded to actually take her to court. Which I think the longer they let all this go on without actually going to the judge, the judge isn't going to really care about BM's behavior so much because they haven't done anything to change the circumtances except totally piss of the BM and now make themselves look like they are playing games too.
Just figured I would share this with you all because I am at a loss, feel like my advice gets no where and they are just making a bigger mess of it all. Especially because they have a bit of the upper hand right now. BM by their court order has to ask BF to move out of state and he has to approve it (BM is in OH and BF is in VA), BM did not do this, but rather informed him she was moving to Arkansas. SM and BF have six months they can still file in OH after she moved before it changes to BM's current state of residence. It has been 3 months and they still haven't filed a thing. Definitely not my monkey, not my circus, but SM vents to me and I feel bad for her because her DH just tries to avoid conflict with BM instead of doing what he should.