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futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

So those of you who said BM was going to try and get my bf to take the older child too were right. Right before leaving for the exchange my bf got a text from BM saying how he did not respond to the message in the app regarding the older child wanting to call him, how she is trying to do right by the older child, "how she came into our lives shouldn't matter," etc. So he responds how she chose to do what she did in court, how she took her away from him, how now she wants what is in the child's best interest after she striped his rights, and how he will be there to pick up his daughter at 3 pm. She then responds how if she "truly loved (older child) this would not be an option" and how she will always communicate with him to try and "keep them both seeing their dad" and "if you choose to opt out you will explain that to (older child) yourself."

Well I got so angry about the twisted things she said I was literally shaking. "how she came into our lives shouldn't matter" of course BM would feel that way because she is the one who cheated. She is acting like this is a month old baby and she was actually raped and pleading with him to be a father to her. Not the reality of waiting 3 years in divorce papers to be like oh by the way she is not yours. Then what really got me shaking was her saying he needs to explain this to the child himself. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!? 

So anyway he shows up, while putting his daughter in the car whoever was home with the older child was not paying attention and while BM is outside the older child runs outside and BM has to go after her to get her back inside. Then BM returns to go on about how her attorney said she could give the older child to him when she wants to, that it is okay, etc. She is incredibly so delusional I can't try to explain it to anyone. I flat out told my bf it might come to a point that he has to flat out say cold hearted facts about the older child is not his, etc. to get the reality to BM's head. Just literally unreal.

Now after bf gets home with daughter BM messaged saying "to save us both money do you want my attorney to get an agreeement together and put together divorce papers? I will never sign my rights over to you with older child, but I will honor the custody arrangements. and if heads up is given I'll be flexible with holidays or time off."

To be discussed with bf when I get off work and see him face to face, but I am baffled.


hereiam's picture

She then responds how if she "truly loved (older child) this would not be an option" and how she will always communicate with him to try and "keep them both seeing their dad" and "if you choose to opt out you will explain that to (older child) yourself."

Wow, just wow. After what SHE has done?

I hope your BF stays strong. She is really going to be persistent with this.

I would not, for a minute, trust this woman or her attorney. God knows what they will try to slip into this "agreement" and the divorce papers.

I am just flabbergasted.


futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

he went along this process for 1.5 years + to try and not lose the older child. He could of went the at fault divorce due to adultery over a year and a half ago with basically the same result, instead he tried to not have that happen, then BM took his rights away. He has fought for this child, but now he has no rights and it is time for it to be over. 

Yep, meanwhile this is all BM's fault. My bf did not cheat, my bf did not petition for the paternity test, etc.

I agree! She brought up sending something to his attorney and he told her right now he is in the process of getting a new one so I worry they are like he is attorneyless let's get him to agree to what we want since no one is looking over the papers, but him!


tog redux's picture

Well, you knew this would continue, BM's plan was for him to continue to take both kids.

He needs to have his attorney send her some kind of communication.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

unfortunbately so. Currently waiting to get the retainer to sign on the new attorney. So right now, no movement will be done until he gets him. There will be no agreeing or anything prior to that.


2nd wives club's picture

BM wants her "me" time. She probably wasn't thinking about that when she was stirring up the Jerry Springer not-your-dad drama. She doesn't want BF to have any power or authority, but she wants him at her disposal for babysitting.

Maybe your BF can meet her in a neutral location or pick up his kid directly from school? (I'm not too familiar with your backstory so don't know the kid's age.

Good luck. He needs to not respond to any of her guilt trip bullshit.

tog redux's picture

Yes, it never crossed BM's mind that he would stop taking the older child, just that she would be an excellent bargaining chip if BM had sole custody.

What a bitch.

Monique52's picture

He should stay to the agreement BM wanted. If he starts taking her daughter who knows when BM will take her away again. Bm is crazy and now is just suffering the consecuences of her actions. 

susanm's picture

She wants the girl to see her dad?  Oh.  So she knows who he is now????   (Thank you - I'll be here all week.  Try the veal.)

I hate to say it but I foresee things getting ugly sooner rather than later.  I would suggest having the atty you are bringing in doing a "cease and desist" letter on the basis of her intention infliction of emotional distress before something comes out of his mouth to that horrible woman that will make him feel good in the moment but that he probably should not say.  Also, if this keeps up, I would think this would be an excellent rationale for requiring custody switch being facilitated by a third party at a neutral location where the older girl is not present. 

tog redux's picture

I love the "my attorney said I can send her over there whenever I want".  LOL. 

You can try to send her wherever you want, BM - but no one has to take her.

susanm's picture

Right?  Her attorney can say the girl should be sent to my house, your house, and the White House.  That doesn't mean the doors are going to open!

tog redux's picture

I can picture her saying to the attorney: now, if his rights get taken away, can I still send her over there?

Attorney: sure, as much as you like!

BM: Perfect!

Gimlet's picture

This woman is downright delusional and malicious.  There is something very wrong with her. 

He is going to have to stay the course with the older girl, I agree that BM did not expect him to stand his ground and thought she could punish him for leaving and then still get help with her.  

He may just have to speak the truth and tell the older girl that her mother took his rights away and that he cannot take her any longer.  What kind of mother does this to her child, it's breathtaking in its cruelty. 

I'm so sorry that your SO (and you) have to deal with this ankle.  Why ankle?  Because she's three feet lower than a c*nt. 


susanm's picture

I'm sure you have your moments!

tog redux's picture

I don't think it ever occurred to her that he would stop seeing the girl if she took his rights away. Not for a minute. So in HER mind, he's the one being cruel, because she's asking him to still be the child's father (without any legal rights) and he's refusing.  It's straight from the HCBM playbook.

Lollybobs's picture

I was going to write pretty much the same as this. I feel so sorry for that child. But i'd never have thought of that last line..bloody brilliant!

lieutenant_dad's picture

Either BM is a dingbat, or she's a genius who is trying to push BF to walk away from the youngest, too, by stabbing him in the heart in regards to the oldest. At this point, I'm not sure which it is.

I'm sorry you all are going through this. While logically it all makes sense what he is doing, emotionally it has to be killing everyone. May this BM rot in her own filth.

SteppedOut's picture

This is so horrible! That poor girl is going to be damaged so bad (not your bf fault, but I still really feel bad for her).

Also, this really could affect his daughter also - depending on what bm is saying and how the older girl handles the truth and processes why she is not spending time with the person she thought was her dad. 


bananaseedo's picture

That wrotten witch...unbelievable!  (well, not really). I'm so sorry!  I just can't get over her mental games and c**

I hate to say it but I think your DH might have to have a talk with the girl and explain HIS side so she can hang onto that instead of whatever lies the bm feeds her.  For now I would ignore as much as you can until a new lawyer can advise you.  But yes, a cease and desist- a neutral location w/out the other child present, maybe even by 3rd party, etc.


Aniki's picture

OMG. That BM is one horrific C U Next Tuesday. How infuriating!

I definintely think he needs to contact his attorney and make the exchanges at a police station AND push for communication being restricted to his biological daughter via something like Our Family Wizard. Phone/text should be emergency only and BM is blocked from email. Any lengthy communications/paperwork need to be documented on paper so they can be properly recorded. That bloody hag.


Iamwoman's picture

They have a name for a man who devotes his emotions and resources to a child that was created by his cheating wife and her affair partner: Cuckold.

Im glad your BF is choosing not to be a Cuckold.

He doesn't have to explain crap diddly to the child that is not his. BM made that mess all on her own, and she can clean it up all on her own.

Will the child be hurt? Sure, possibly. But if we all took in every hurt child in this world that isn't our to take, then what a mess that would be.

The BM did this to the older child. She created this sort of life for that child when she spread her legs for another guy. This child's emotions, feelings, and life in totality are 100% BM's responsibility and 0% your BF's.

Good for him for standing up for himself.

BTW: no lawyer would tell a BM she can force a child on the NCP... even if it's his - which it isn't, so...

lieutenant_dad's picture

My guess is that the conversation with the attorney went like this:

BM: So, can he still see ODD even if he doesn't have rights?

Attorney: I mean, legally, anyone that you give permission to babysit can do so, but...

BM: Perfect. I'm sure he'll still want to see her.

Attorney: *nods confusedly*

Iamwoman's picture


Maxwell09's picture

The entitlement of this woman is disgusting. She is the epitome of the phrase "wants her cake and eat it too" with this. She lashed out and hurt him not caring about the fall out...well Sis, besides hurting your child and her relationship with her 'dad', you've also lost your free babysitter. I think your DH needs to stay strong, maybe see a therapist to block BM from playing on his guilt like she is trying so hard to do, and move to third party pickups. I would even go so far as to stop any communication that includes the older child and only respond to questions that need answering that pertain to their mutual child. Everything else should go unanswered----or if youre feeling confrontational, you can start responding for him so you can filter out her guilt garbage. 

tog redux's picture

OP - I was thinking about your situation, I feel bad for all of you.

Maybe BF should send BM an email or certified letter that says:


Since you have decided to take away my legal rights to X, I will no longer be functioning in a father role for her.  Do not contact me about X or ask me to take her on my weekends with Y.  If you continue to do so, I will pursue every legal means necessary to prevent it.


Or something to that effect.  Then the attorney can send something if she continues.

ETA: has he had the younger one's paternity tested to be sure she's his?