How do you answer these questions?
So I don't know who saw my Saturday blog about the most recent phone call with SD (4). A bit of background, SD has now been living with BM full time since September 1. After the DNA testing and we switched to only having SD, SD never brought up about her sister not coming with her or anything. So now it has been over a year (October 15, 2019) since we have had BM's oldest daughter at our home or any contact with her. Also, bf and BM separated when SD was 1.5 years old so she has no memories of BM and bf being together.
Now on to my question, what should you say to a 4 year old when asking the two below questions.
1. "Do you remember when (BM's oldest) used to come to your house Daddy?"
2. "Why did you marry mommy?"
Both of these questions really made me livid because it is not as though SD remember these things and are asking out of curiousity, it is very clear that BM is at the very least talking about these things and I personally believe is filling SD's head with stuff. Why would a 4 year old be asking about something that hasn't happened for a year, all of the sudden out of the blue? Why would she also be asking why did you marry mommy, when they are divorced and the child has no recollection of them living together or anything like that. Bf and I just ignored both questions when asked on the phone, but I am worried it will be asked again when we see her for Thanksgiving.
We also ended up not responding to BM's message following this phone call saying about if bf wanted to come to SD's dance audition that day. We really feel like she is trying to stir the pot. BM knows we are not coming anywhere she is especially when she has the other child with her as well. Talk about just opening ourselves up to drama if we went. Of course trying to manipulate too by saying "they prefer if both parents are there." A few months ago I got a bit of a hard time on why we are so against anything that made us have to communicate with/see BM more, well this is just a great example of why.