Call me heartless
but it is so frustrating that BM has STILL been benefiting off of my bf in regards to health insurance and dental when they have been officially divorced for over 2 months now. You may wonder how this could be and I will tell how you how. It is because the marine corps is very unorganized. Days after receiving the final divorce decree, bf went online and uploaded all the documents he needed for the marine corps to change his status to divorced from BM, take her off the health insurance and the dental, etc. but guess what, as of today she still has these benefits. Three times bf has been told that it will be done by this date and that date, and still it is not done. Then today, after 2 months aka today they are claiming they never received the divorce decree signed by the judge. Which I know 100% they received because I helped bf upload it where he was supposed to. So now had to resend it in this morning and supposedly will finally be done tomorrow.
Not BM's fault, I mean she did drag her feet on the getting divorced to be able to keep health insurance and dental for her and her oldest daughter as long as she could, but now it is the military. Just is so irritating that she is still benefiting being married to my bf when they aren't married anymore and haven't been. So congrats BM you got free health insurance and dental still because no one wants to do their job and bf can't change any info for any of the other stuff it has to stay as your info and can't be updated to mine because of all of this. So I am just irritated that it is still an issue and am venting.
EDIT: I didn't realize it comes off that I want to be added to his health insurance and dental, that is not it at all. I have my own benefits through my job, so I am not wanting that info switched to me. It is the "family readiness plan" and his "R.E.D" that lists first person to contact, next of kin, etc. that bf filled out all the paperwork to switch to my information, but because the marine corps has not changed his status in their system to divorce, he cannot switch any of it to me, it is and will remain BM's informaton until they update the system. That is what irritates me because I thought when the divorce was finalized her info and stuff would all come off bf's info, but it has not happened yet, we are still dealing with this nonsense and BM is still not having to be responsible for herself and the child she committed paternity fraud with.
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When you both get married you
When you both get married you can be added to his insurance.
It is not about being added to his insurance
I have my own insurance and am not worried about that. I have my own dental too through my job.
In the military they have a thing called a "family care plan" and this other thing called a "R.E.D" which basically lists next of kin, first person to contact, etc. which is what bf last week updated to my information, BUT because in the marine corps system it is not updated to him being divorced, he cannot remove BM from any of his info, so it is all her info still, etc. THAT is what I want changed. As well as I don't think it is right she still is getting free benefits through him and for her child that she committed paternity fraud with. So that's why I said call me heartless because I want BM to have to finally pay for those things for herself, not keep mooching off bf.
It is also about the divorce was finalized over two months ago and I thought this was finally over, BM removed off all of his stuff, but nope she's still relevant with the military and if something happened to him, they would call BM.
My ex was in the military
My ex was in the military retired now. I was still on his emergency after our divorce. I was contacted twice I think but the kids had no interest so I didn't.
He might be able to let the
He might be able to let the insurance company themselves know that they are divorced - it's possible they could refuse to pay for any claims she makes. (I could be making that up entirely, but it seems plausible since they like to refuse claims whenever possible).
From what my bf has said
IPAC is who handles all such changes to insurance, which is who he has been going every week to follow up on when the system will update him to divorced because there is a lot riding on this needing to be changed, not just our feelings towards it. He cannot be approved for his BAH package until the system reflects he is divorced, he cannot update his family care plan (which his command has been hounding him to update), cannot change his emergency contact info, etc.
His command is getting really ticked off at him because he has not updated the family care plan, but he physically cannot until IPAC does their jobs. So yeah it really ticks me off because BM is getting free benefits when she shouldnt and if anything happens to bf they will contact her and not me, but his work is really mad these things are not updated yet, which is really not good. The guy last week was like "wow, it has been in there a while, I wonder why it wasn't updated." Someone dropped the ball somehow and somehow "lost" uploaded documents to make it happen.
Future, I'm going to break
Future, I'm going to break some hard news to you:
There is likely ALWAYS going to be something that pings from BM even when it shouldn't.
About a year after my XH and I split, I noticed a weird charge on a credit card. It was an annual subscription that XH had put on my card (that I stupidly shared with him) that we both forgot about. So, there was $40 and an awkward conversation.
A year after that, XH got a ticket while out of town. It was for his car that I was no longer listed on. Yet, for some reason, I was getting the ticket in the mail. I made him come to my house to pick it up as I wasn't going out of my way for that one.
About six months after that, DH and I got married. I posted on Facebook. Apparently, XH hadn't told all his family and friends that we were divorced, so I got several messages from folks asking what was going on. Yep, fun times.
DH and I have come up with an analogy for these things. We call them "Lego pieces". Imagine each person has a box of Legos that are all one color. When you get married or have a long-term relationship with them, you end up mixing your boxes of Legos together. Unfortunately, when you get divorced, you have to go back and sort out the pieces and hand them back.
The big pieces - physical property, hurt feelings, joint bank accounts - those things get sorted out pretty quickly. But those flat 1x1 pieces? Those hide. They were stuck to something you built that you haven't taken apart yet, they shimmy down to the bottom, they get wedged into another piece. As you grow and add more Legos to your own box, and you start sharing your box with someone else again, you sometimes find those small pieces, even years later.
I know it's frustrating, and I know you want this over with, like, yesterday. But this is a process. This is part of having a past. It's not fun or pleasant, but it's the reality of the situation.
So, chalk this up to him still having bigger Lego pieces to sort out. You know the Lego piece is there. Right now, you're just trying to find the Lego separator tool so you can break up this piece. It's not a permanent situation, so have patience.
The best Lego piece DH got
The best Lego piece DH got was creditors calling him because BM owed money. He happily gave them her new phone number.
Lol
Lol
Haha I laughed when
you put hard news because no, I don't like it, hahaha.
This should be the last Lego piece luckily. The accounts, cars, etc. all that had been handled before I even came into the picture. Bf also did not put his name on basically anything with BM. Their cars were always separate, credit cards, etc. so crossing my fingers that nothing else pops up after this.
I do worry down the line that something will pop up about BM's oldest child because I am very VERY certain BM did not do what she was supposed to and remove bf's name from her birth certificate, like she legally has to. Bf is not worried about it, he just says if and when it does come up, BM will be the one in trouble and have to deal with it so he isn't worried.
I do want it over like yesterday and especially want it over before we go on to the next part of our relationship, but working on the patience part!
This won't be the last Lego
This won't be the last Lego piece. Not by a long shot. Especially since yout BF and BM share SD.
Again, those pieces are tiny. You may not even notice them. Or your BF will notice and handle it without you. It's not just these "in your face" things. Sometimes it's a bad dream. Sometimes it's hearing a phrase or sharpness in someone's voice that is just too familiar. Sometimes it's a location.
Again, this just comes with having a past. You're going to have to accept that your BF will always be carrying a box of Legos with a small piece from BM's box (and her older daughter's box, and a former best friend's box, and the military's box). It might not be obvious. It may never be found. It's a bit like Schroedinger's Lego piece - it doesn't exist unless it's found, but if it's found, that means it exists.
The goal isn't to become hyperfixated on finding the Lego pieces. It's on having the skills to quickly toss the piece and play with the other bits of Lego without fixating on the piece you threw away.
Well what I mean is
her name being on bf's information for work and such or him being billed things that are hers, etc. those things, after this there should not be anymore. I just meant those things that have to do with BM specifically and not SD.
Divorced for 24 years and just got a check for my ex
Divorced for 24 years and just go at check for my ex from our local electrical cooperative. Because it is a cooperative, they pay back money to the members, and the since the account was in his name for all of the 6 months he lived in this house, the amount finally was high enough that they sent him a check. Since I know where he works, I forwarded it to him. He was a jerk and left me for another woman, but it seemed the right thing to do.
Shortly thereafter, I found out his wife, the woman he left me for, had recently died. I was surprised at the emotion it brought out. While I have never forgiven him for what he did, I gave up feeling anthing towards him a long time ago. I have to admit, that hearing about her death did bring back some of those old emotions of grief and hate. It was weird, and didn't last long - it was a huge lego piece that had been long hidden!
(The only reason I was aware of her death is that the ex and my brother-in-law work at the same place. Generally, he never passes on any info about my ex, but he did tell me this)
This same thing happened to
This same thing happened to DH. He worked for the federal government. BM should have been removed from his insurance almost immediately, but she kept charging things to it. It took them almost a year after he left that job to close it out and BM kept on charging things to it. I was worried they would come after him for fraud or reimbursement, but they never did.
I was not married to DH at the time and also had my own health insurance, so putting me on his insurance was not an issue. DH wanted me to put SSs on my health insurance because it was better than his, but I told him no way, because I wasn't giving BM access to anything that related to my life, even if it was health insurance. Also, they didn't live with us (a requirement on my health insurance for adding stepkids) and I wasn't going to lie to put them on my insurance.
Well that is good that they never did!
I would not want to give her access to that either. SD is to be on bf's medical insurance according to the CO. We will see down the road what happens with insurance of his job vs mine since we will be moving and working different places in a year :x. I also wouldn't lie either!
We get random junk mail sent
We get random junk mail sent to our house with BMs name on it. She never lived there. Now BM and SOs house and our house together (SOs) is only separated by SOs parents house and SO and BM have been separated since 2011.
Yes it annoys me (happens maybe twice a year) but I'm not going to have SO contact BM about stupid junk mail. (I just throw out) Not worth the conflict.
Insurance can be slow and it's out of your control. It's getting done that's all that counts. Don't stress about it.
I overpaid for my car and didn't realize it for two months! They sent me a check for the amount I overpaid. Just an example that not all systems are speedy like we want them to be.