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BM Drama - CO

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

So yesterday fiancé messaged BM to ask her what school SD will be enrolled at for kindergarten this September so we can look at the school’s academic 2021-2022 calendar to figure out what 6 weeks of summer we will want SD. According to their CO, we have to let BM know prior to April 1st every year what 6 weeks we will be taking SD or BM gets to decide. Since BM has been claiming she is moving for a year now, but has not yet, this was also a way to find out if SD will be going to school here or what the deal was. Instead of answering the very simple question of what school and when SD’s first day of school is, BM went on with nonsense that was irrelevant and avoiding the question, so now that we know what school she will be attending, we will just contact the school directly. Now that we finally got confirmation that BM is NOT moving out of her county, we brought up this spring break. Back in August, we had asked BM where she was going to be for the upcoming spring break and also relayed what the spring break dates were for the county she was currently living in in case she was still here. In August, BM said if she did move to another county, she would still honor the spring break dates of the past county since she was unsure of where she would be. So yesterday we reiterated the dates of spring break according to her county so there were no issues when it came to March. Well that stirred up BM into saying a bunch of untrue and irrational things, please see below for the highlights on both spring break and summer break.


-Wants SD back a “minimum of one week before school starts and is non-negotiable” for the summer break

^Uh, BM, that is actually not up to you and it is in the court order that you either get (1) week before school goes back & (2) weeks when school lets out, or (2) week before school goes back & (1) week when school lets out….. So get off your high horse in thinking you call whatever schedule you want and it is not up for negotiation


-That a Court order is “an outline to help BM & fiancé get along together, not actually anything enforceable by the court”

^Uh, BM that is simply not true either


-That BM’s schedule matters, that if she has “events” or other things scheduled, that fiancé has to adjust his time with SD to meet her schedule. That she has rights and the court order says her schedule and personal life should be considered when deciding on any of fiancé’s scheduled time with SD. Said she would highlight where in the court order it says this.

^Also not true at all… we informed her that at most it is says if both of them agree there can be a temporary modification of the court order in regards to schedule without going to court to get it modified.


-That since SD is not enrolled in school that she decides when spring break is

^Uh, not true at all. This is addressed in the court order saying “For all instances in which custodial time is defined with reference to a school calendar, the relevant calendar shall be the calendar for the school district in which the child resides with BM, without regard to whether the child is actively enrolled in school at the time.” … We told BM what page, item, and paragraph to refer to in the CO that states it doesn’t matter if SD is enrolled in school or not


Basically, all of our responses back to her was giving her factual information only, then ended up saying that we advise her to actually read the court order because that is what we will be following for the next 14.5 years and it will make things easier on everyone if she would educate herself with what it actually says. Last message said that we will be there to pick up SD at the CO’s appointed time for his spring break with her and if she does not allow SD to go with him for his time, then she will be in contempt of court. Also, when I say all this “we” the “we” word is not actually being used it is only referencing fiancé, not me, but since we respond to her messages together, I use the word “we” here.


BM’s response was a long paragraph saying how she has never violated the court order, that in the next 14 years she is “just saying” life happens and there may be instances that fiancé has to adjust his scheduled time with her for if she is sick or something and she will gladly explain in court why she didn’t think it was best for SD to go to fiancé that day, etc. Basically a bunch of nonsense that was not answered by us because there is no need for any response.


tog redux's picture

Well, she's testing the boundaries, not surprising.

I'm confused by her first "demand", isn't she entitled to one week before school goes back anyway, per the CO? Maybe I'm reading it wrong.

I knew she wasn't really moving. She just wanted to appear as if she was moving on like your SO and you are.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

she is entitled by the CO for a minimum of 1 week, depending on what weeks we pick she could even have two weeks before school starts. We think she never actually read the court order, just items her lawyer told her.

I think you are right that she was testing the boundaries, but we definitely shut that down quick. She tried to be nosey to figure out when exactly we are moving, etc. SO just told her she would receive in the mail the information prior to the 30 day minimum requirement to notify both her and the court.

Wilhelm's picture

Sounds like she will start to push and deviate from the court order. We had this happen until eventually the skids did not visit at all. It started with little things, I need to take the skids to get haircuts, Mum is ill, I booked a holiday, we have a party this weekend. Watch out for this.