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Back from vacation

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

So we got back from our vacation last night and it is good to be home! In case any of you were wondering, there were a handful of photos at bf’s dad’s house. Now in his dad’s defense it is not his home, but was bf’s grandparent’s home we stayed at and his dad has been living at. His dad got surgery in July and was staying at his deceased parent’s home instead of his own because it was next door to his sister and was easier for her to check in on him. The photos were in the sitting room on a chest on the opposite side of the house and until recently his dad was unable to get that far on his own and who knows the last time he actually went in that room. The house has also been vacant since bf’s grandmother passed away almost 4 years ago. So I wasn’t mad, sure it sucked to see them, but bf shredded them all immediately and without me having to ask. I wasn’t mad at his dad either because honestly it just wasn’t something he had thought of and there’s tons of photos of all the cousins, siblings, grand children, etc. so it wasn’t an intentional thing so that was the first night I saw those, but they are gone now so nothing to get upset over.


Only one person out of all the family members I met mentioned anything remotely about BM. We got to see bf’s cousin that he had no idea moved back from Australia with his wife and kids so that was a nice surprise as it is bf’s favorite cousin. Majority of his family we saw was on the side of the family bf actually likes and is totally normal so that was good. Bf’s sister on the other hand was the one who brought up BM. She came over and about 15 minutes into her visit she was asking about when bf has SD and how the custody schedule works. Then she goes “what was BM’s name again?” and then neither bf or I say a word and then she goes “oh it’s *BM’s name* I always forget, haha.” Needless to say 5 minutes later bf and I left to go to a brewery and that was the last time we saw her the whole trip. Bf was pissed because it’s pretty evident she did it to be a b***h especially when she didn’t ask about BM’s other child or anything else, so she’s been told more than she wanted to pretend and there was absolutely no reason to be asking about what her name is or anything.


So finally two years later, meeting bf’s family has happened. Luckily no drama besides the whole sister thing and I don’t really count the photos as drama. The family I met I really liked and it seemed like they really liked me so all in all was a good trip. I am oh so happy though that bf has no intentions of moving back to his hometown or really his home state, because it really isn’t anywhere I would want to be for a long period of time.


Crspyew's picture

But why not just move the photos?  Why destroy them?  I would be upset if someone came into my home and made a decision about the contents.  I know I'll get flamed for this but it really seems to me that you & bf were being a little over dramatic abt pictures.  I think your bf overstepped given that it wasn't even his fathers home, just one he was using to convalesce.  

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

it bf's dad's deceased parent's home that he is living in for probably just another week or two until he moves back to his own home down the street.

The photos were: 

-Christmas card of bf, BM, BM's older child, and SD

-BM with SD

-and a handful of photos of bf with BM and either both her older daughter and SD or just older daughter


It is not dramatic to get rid of those photos. It is not as though they were framed on the wall and we took it out or anything and like another user said on my last post that unless it is family photos aka including extended family, etc. and BM is in it, it is not unreasonable for being upset by photos with BM in it when no one else outside of bf or BM's children are in it.

These were photos BM took and mailed to the grandmother/grandfather that are now deceased. If either grandprent were alive and knew what BM has done and I mean just in genreal since they are divorced, those photos would of been trashed. As it is not bf's dad's home and he doesn't even realize those photos are around since he never goes in that room, I don't see anything wrong with it. 

Crspyew's picture

I am a good bit older than you so have a different perspective.  I've got kids and skids older than you and have a bit more life experience.  This whole photo thing is a sign of insecurity.  I learned the hard way that you can remove photos but not memories.  And I was raised not to mess with other people's belongings.  I realize that you view this as no big deal but if some one came into a home that I owned and removed or destroyed items without asking me to do so I would lose trust in them.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

anything to do with it. They were married less than 5 years. BM passed off the older child as bf's until she was 3 when bf filled to divorce her before even knowing she had another man's child and cheated on him at least once. Bf has no rights or anything to BM's older child and only 2 photos had SD in them who was less than 1 years old at the time. There are other photos of SD as a baby in the home just do not have BM or BM's older child in them, are just of SD solo.

Except the person who's home it was, is long deceased and it was not even the person who's living in it's belonging. I think you are taking this waaaay to far. You are acting as though we destroyed a valueable not a loose photo (well 4 photos) that was with about 30 or some other photos. 

Has nothing to do with being insecure either. It is disrespectful to bf, me, and our relationship to have those photos, let alone them be out, but the person who's photos they were died about 4 years ago before any of this came to light. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Most of the time, photos GIVEN to relatives have copies elsewhere or the original is digital. Now, if you went into someone's HOME and tore up pictures of their own children, that would be crappy.

The person who the pictures were given to is dead. The person in the picture has every right to tear up a picture.

I don't think it's an overreaction at all since the BF took the initiative and was not asked to do so by the OP.

Iamwoman's picture

I'm glad none of your fears were realized. Sounds like a nice trip!

As for the sister, I don't see a problem with what she said. Perhaps she was just trying to show you how little BM means to her by forgetting her name. I would consider that as attempted flattery.

So now that you spent so much time worrying for nothing, I hope you can relax before your next trip.

I have found that negative speculation and worrying often leads to nothing and then I feel annoyed at myself for wasting my time worrying.

I try to shut DH down when he does it too. Not quite as easy as shutting myself down, but I try.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

Bf thinks she did it to kind of rub it in his face because in comparison to her, he is the golden child and the whole family likes him better. Until now she really didn't have anything she could say. It wasn't really what she said it was how she said it. She was super dramatic and it was like a show. From what I have seen and heard she really likes attention.

Luckily I only worried for about 4 - 5 days because we didn't know until that close if we were going or not!

I am the queen of worrying though for sure haha that I can definitely say! I am happy I was prepared I guess for the worst that could happen but didn't happen instead of being totally caught off guard like I was at our friend's daughter's bday party that one of BM's friends was there.

Iamwoman's picture

Oh yeah - the dramatic emotions are difficult to convey through typing.

I tend to read and type everything with a calm voice in my head, so everything I read comes across to me in a neutral matter-of-fact tone.

Many others will add their own emotions to what they are reading and in turn attribute their own emotions to the writer - not exactly fair to the writer either.

Either way, her dramatic intonation definitely lends a suspicious air to her words.

My sister does the same type of thing - says things that aren't so bad on paper, but with an underlying tone that can only be understood in person.

I hate those types of people. You are wise to steer clear of bf's sister!