How would you feel if BM gave ex-MIL (now your MIL) a Xmas gift????? Am I being petty?
So tonight was a holiday dinner for those family stragglers who were out of town or worked on Christmas day. All the SKids were there, SS17, SD23 and SD25.
The SKids had been up to visit their BM earlier in the day, and then came straight to dinner at MIL's.
Gift exchange starts. The SKids present MIL with a gift from under the tree. It's to MIL from BM. It was just a cheap candle and she works where things like this are sold, so it likely cost her $5. But I still felt wrong about the whole thing. BM and DH have been divorced over 9 years. The SKids are grown except the last, and he's 90% there. MIL accepts it and no big fuss is made.
In the car going home (not with SKids) I mention to DH that I thought it was inappropriate for BM to be gifting MIL. Then I find out that MIL gets BM presents every year, and always has. This is actually the first year BM has gifted her back.
BM is a woman who: cheated on DH MANY times, left DH with 3 kids (only one his) and literally disappeared for over a YEAR, was an addict, used while pregnant with last child who was born drug addicted, refused to work for decades, has physically abused the SKids, has physically abused and attacked DH, has punched me in the face, threatened to withhold kids, threatened to kidnap kids, and basically has made EVERYONE'S life living hell.
I know it should be no big deal. MIL is a nice enough woman, and I do not think she genuinely cares about BM. But WHY WHY WHY will NO ONE throw up a boundary with this woman?????
And, of course, my DH rolls his eyes and seems to think this is just fine. Why am I making the big deal out of it?
He did offer to talk to his Mom, which I refused. If anyone speaks to her, I want to do it. DH would say "FurKids wants you to never give BM a present again. It makes her mad.", and would make me look like a loon. Whereas I would explain that it seems a little inappropriate to be gift exchanging with someone who has hurt so many people in this family; and that as a couple DH and I are trying to incrementally push her out of our lives now that the SKids are grown- not invite her in. The gifting sends a signal she is welcome, and she is not.
Would this upset you? Or am I being petty?