frustratedmom_2021's picture

I want to thank everyone for their response and advice. I've done a lot of thinking today and I know nothing is ever gonna change here but I'm ready to make a change one way or another. I'm picking up a copy of the prenup tomorrow to see how it was worded, I don't want my husband to know I'm getting it, our copy is in a safe that I don't have access to, I may try to see a lawyer and see if anything can be changed. My husband has a separate bank account from our joint account and I'm afraid if he thinks I'm leaving he will take all the money out of the joint account and possibly hide it somewhere so I don't have access.

I need to see what my rights are about taking half the money out myself, not sure how my state handles that kind of situation, I also need to talk to my state and see what benefits I would qualify for if I was single. I'm 53 on ss disability and I'm sure you can figure out if I stopped working at this age I'm not drawing much...I  received $24,000 back pay and $6,000 automatically went to my lawyer, leaving me only 18,000 and after paying taxes and a few bills I'm down $15,000 in savings and I only draw $961.00 a month after they deduct taxes and health insurance so not a lot to work with but I'm determined to do my research and see what's available, I need to put all my focus on my grandchildren and not these boys that will never leave home or grow up, thanks to their father and grandmother. 


thiscantbenormal's picture

My MIL divorced her husband so she could get higher disability payments as a single person.

Jcksjj's picture

Technically you can take all of the money out of the joint account. So can he. You may or may not be ordered to return part of it to him by a judge later if you take it all, but idk its probably worth the gamble. Especially since he has his own account. 

tog redux's picture

Take half the money out of the joint account - as others said, the worst that happens is that you have to pay it back. Can you stay with any of your children or other family members?

justmakingthebest's picture

I agree and as long as you have proof that you only took half, I don't think it would ever be ordered for you to return it.

24 years as a SM's picture

When I was making an exit plan to leave my first husband, back in the 1980's, I had to be very careful because he was very violent. I would go grocery shopping once a week and buy the foods that he wanted, I would also take out an extra $20 each time. EXH didn't feel like getting the car gassed up, he would tell me to go fill the tank on the car, I would go to the gas station where a friend worked and she would added $20 to the credit card and give me the cash. She knew that I was trying to leave him. EXH did absolutely nothing around the house, gardener charge extra and give me the extra on the side. I had a side job that was under the table and I only worked while he was at work, I hid that cash from him. This went on for almost a year, the day I left I had over $6000 and I also took half out of the shared bank account. I made sure to wait until his paycheck was in the account before taking half.

Cover1W's picture

My sister just left her finacially and emotionally abusive husband.  The divorce papers I think have finally been signed and submitted ... I need to call her to find out...

He had money/cash stashed in a safe and around the house in his things. She found it and took it to a safe place and didn't give it back until it was documented by both of them how much there was and an agreement to split it was in writing.

She made copies of all accounts she could either get access to or find paperwork for. She didn't want to move $$ because that would have started WWIII so she documented the heck out of everything because a lawyer/mediator helped split it out between them based on assets. Basically she had very little (he took her paychecks and gave her an "allowance") and he had it all.  The mediator helped sort this out and they both had to give a little.

Document, document, document if you are afraid of moving it yourself.