I spent the night on the couch!
And let me tell you why. Dh and I have been trying to have a baby for a year and 8 mths now. We have had 3 miscarriages in a 9 month span.. the most recent being the end of June. Each of those times, the home tests did not register a pregnancy, but the blood work did. The blood work had also indicated that the pregnancies were not viable since pretty much the beginning of each. Fast forward to this month..
Its been 9 short weeks since the last miscarriage and I have been miserable and upset. We made a conscious decision to NOT try again til at LEAST late Sept (as I dont think I can handle another miscarriage).. But have been going to get acupuncture for infertility since the last miscarriage. We purposely held off around the ovulation times. This past weekend, while in Canada, I should have gotten my period. I didnt. No big, body is still adjusting to the miscarriage AND we didnt do ANYTHING for days before and days after the ovulation date. Still didnt get it as of yesterday. I call the fertility clinic and I get the, its your body being off.. blah blah blah.. I tell dh. He picks up a pregnancy test on the way home. I get home from my latest acupuncture appt. and there is the test. Thinking nothing of it (as I always fail these) I pick it up, and use it. I no sooner put the cap on and flipped the sucker over.. and viola.. PREGNANT..
I get super excited because 1) we have never gotten pregnant w/o the help of the fert clinic, and 2) I have never passed a home one at this stage.. especially RIGHT AWAY!! So here I am I am sure its different this time.. Why? Probably because I want it to be, probably because I need it to be.. Probably because I was shocked and surprised by the results!! Sooo.. I tell dh.
Dh is shall we say.. LESS than thrilled. Tells me to NOT get my hopes up based on my track record. I point out the test and remind him that we have NEVER passed one of those pee ones. Still not impressed. So I walk around on cloud nine, he is going about as if NOTHING was different from before my venture into the bathroom. I let it go for awhile. We go to bed.. I said.. Can you believe I am pregnant?? he doesnt really say much.. I then snapped. I said.. WOW.. bet you were more excited when the woman you were dating for 6 mths told you she was knocked up, but you cant muster that for your wife can you?!?!?! Then I went downstairs and slept on the couch.
This am he came down w/a renewed sense of HOW he should be acting. Not sure why the change of heart.
Wonder how the skids are going to deal w/having to share a room when they visit (24 nights a year) so that the baby can have his/her own room!!!
Was I wrong to be upset??? I know I cant tell people that know me, but I figured I was relatively safe in cyber anonymity (sp?)!!
What do you think will happen when we tell the 9 yr stb 10 yr old ss & sd that they will have to share a room when they visit?
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well first off, congrats!!!
well first off, congrats!!! I am so happy for you, and truly wish you a blessed pregnancy! Are you going for a blood test to confirm?
I guess the only thing I can say about DH's reaction is maybe he's having a hard time emotionally. Perhaps he doesn't want to get attached? A good friend of mine went through this, and they both didn't tell anyone until 4 months into it, b/c they were both so scared of miscarrying again. I am glad to hear he came around though, after your comment, regardless of whether or not he's emotionally prepared, it's happening, so he's going to have to get there FAST!
About the kids sharing a room, is that legal? I guess maybe b/c they're not there much? my F keeps bringing that up in terms of BM, and how there's some law that says opposite sex children can't share a room after a certain age. I love the guy, but sometimes he hears this from someeone who heard it from someone, and all of a sudden, it's gospel, so take that with a grain of salt!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
It is illegal if its their
It is illegal if its their primary residence. I called the state of MA awhile back to ask. Where they are here so little, and he does not have 50/50 custody.. its not illegal.
He did say to not get attached.. and we wont be telling ANYONE that we know (ie, parents, siblings and friends) til we are out of the woods. The miscarriages have been really hard. I think the reason I am so hopeful, is that I am not mentally prepared to go through another miscarriage right now.. so this HAS to work (I know.. COMPLETELY irrational!!)
We had seen a marriage counselor in the past and he stated that an infant should not be rooming w/10 yr olds.. that its perfectly fine for them to have to share a room, and that no one should expect that we leave 2 rooms completely useless for 85% of the year.
I am sure the BM will pitch a fit. If she does, I told dh that perhaps then he should suggest that he pick them up seperately in the future if she has a prob w/the room sharing.. That any child we have should at LEAST have their own room, seeing as how all the $$ we spend on the skids to have their own rooms where they reside.
I am just worried about the sh*t storm that is going to happen.. as I know it will.
that's what I figured, did
that's what I figured, did they tell you what the age cut off is? Just curious....
(hug) I completely understand, and it's not irrational to be hopeful, hell we haven't even begun to try and I alternate between thinking it's GOT to happen, and it won't ever happen... (see irrational!)
I completely agree, a baby and a 10 yr old is too hard for both, you're absolutely right on that. And yes, 2 rooms empty for 85% of the year seems ridiculous to me too. Until we got the bigger place SD's room was also our study, and a bit cramped at that...
Seems to me no matter what you do, it's only a matter of time before she pitchs a fit over something (boy I can relate) just try to not be involved at all, let your DH handle it, you dont' need the stress now (like you ever NEED it, but you know what I mean!).
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Oh.. if they live w/you as
Oh.. if they live w/you as their primary residence I think the age is 7. Mind you... the bm had them sharing a room til age 8, so I expect DH to bring that up.. like.. I dont know why you are making an issue out of this, you had them rooming til they were 8, and the limit was 7, and we NEVER said ANYTHING to you, and they were with you 85% of the time.
Oh.. and the blood test.. just got the call from the fert clinic, am going in on my lunch break to get the blood drawn. I am hoping the numbers are good!!
F was trying to tell me in
F was trying to tell me in CT it's like 4 or something, and I think that seems a bit odd. 7 sounds more realistic...
LOL sure but that was at HER house, and of course acceptable. At YOUR house though?! LOL.....
*fingers crossed for you!!!*
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Congrats on the pregnancy
I hope it works out this time. I agree with Northern, I think he is just trying to protect himself. Give him a break and give your self one as well. You two have been through a lot, and I think you should both just breathe! When do you go to the doctor? Let us know!
Fingers crossed for you
I think, based on his initial reaction, I have to agree with Northern & Sia- he's probably very excited, but scared as hell that something might happen. Try not to be too hard on him.
Like you said yourself, you know there are risks, but you have convinced yourself (irrationally) that THIS TIME, things will work. We hope and pray that they do indeed work out the way you want, too. But maybe your FH is just thinking on the more 'rational' side of things, does that make sense?
Keep us posted!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I agree with the above...
My sister went through this...3 miscarriages between her daughters. My youngest neice is a little miracle! Anyway, your DH is still grieving...he doesn't want to get his hopes up and doesn't want to see you hurting again either. I'm praying for you BIG TIME. Take care of yourself.
Ok.. just ran on my lunch
Ok.. just ran on my lunch break and had the blood drawn. they will be calling this afternoon. The problem has been in the numbers in the past, your hsg level should double every 48 hrs. SOOoooooo.. today's will give us a starting base, and then I probably will have to go on Saturday to get more drawn and compare the two.
The last 3 pregnancies, the numbers have not double from the start.
I know I am being irrational.. I just cant cope right now w/the possibility this is like the last three.
I will keep everyone posted!
I do know that he is upset, he just isnt as vocal as me... and I realize it now.
Sending good vibes and
great thoughts and lots of HUGS your way!!! Good luck!
Thank you!!! Keeping my
Thank you!!! Keeping my fingers crossed for good numbers!
Fingers, toes, eyes!
All are crossed for you!!!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
So happy for you
After all your struggles and disappointments, I am keeping all my fingers and toes crossed that this one works out for you.
Regarding your husband, yes, you have a right to be upset. However, I think his lack of reaction may just be a coping mechanisms. He has experienced the disappointments as well, although not the same way as you. But maybe he does not want to get his hopes up and be disappointed again. So his reaction may have been a way to protect himself and you.
Let us know what happens!
I just want to point out
I just want to point out that I have a half brother who is 12 years younger than me and I never tell people that he is my half brother nor do I treat him that way. We have the best relationship. Please don't alienate your child from the half-siblings. I know that BMs can really get on ones nerves but you should never mistreat the Skids because of it. I was both on the receiving and giving side of it and the kids shouldn't feel disliked because they are not yours. I don't like the fact that I have a SS but I knew about him on the very first date and I make a conscious effort to treat him well and he in return does the same with me.
Here is the update.. I went
Here is the update.. I went on Friday, they did an ultrasound and another blood test. The count is still rising.. and the ultrasound showed a sack and the poles for the inner sack (forgot the name as I was so nervous).. I have to go back on Sept 9th for another u/s and more blood work, and if everything is still ok.. then they move me to a reg. OBGYN, as I am then considered safely pregnant.
We are so excited.. to say the least...
Thank you everyone for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers...
yay!
so happy for u! best wishes!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
So happy for more positive
So happy for more positive news!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.