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Hormones??? you be the judge!

frustratedinMA's picture

So we had the skids again this weekend. no big. I wasnt feeling great, and ended up relaxing and watching a lot of tv.. DH takes the skids home... he left at 5pm, he didnt get back until 830pm. He told me he was picking up dinner on the way home. It normally takes 2 - 2.5 hrs for the drop offs/pick ups.. none of which she helps with. He left an hour late, which then put him into the construction traffic that starts after 7pm. Sooooo he calls me up..

DH: Hey, I am stuck in traffic
Me: Oh, that is too bad. Hey.. just a thought.. do you think once the baby comes, that you can drop the kids off on time, like an hour earlier than today, so that you are not gone for 3 - 4 hrs?
DH: You are trying to eliminate SD and SS (SCREAMING)
Me: No, I am not, we are talking about the difference of an hour.
DH: I only get to see them 24 nights a year to use your words..... I could see them more if it wasnt for you.
Me: EXCUSE ME?!?!?! You are divorced w/EOW visitation.. I dont see how THIS is MY fault.
(I hung up the phone)

DH gets home, tells me the skids asked WHY I dont do anything with them. NOW.. the truth..

Weekend before this one, I made cupcakes w/them and had them decorate them for Halloween, took them to a maze that took us 4 hrs to do (and I was feeling ILL the whole time, but did it w/a smile on my face), took them to pick out a pumpkin to be carved this past weekend, and played a 2.5hr game of Monopoly with them.
After that weekend, I was so exhausted (again, from being pregnant and all) that I felt extremely tired for work the whole week, not to mention just sick.

This weekend, I had a baby shower for a friend that I went to on Saturday, I did not get home til 5pm. After that, we had friends over that interact w/the skids, for dinner and then we went over to their place to play Wii (skids included... they live across the street) until it was time for the skids bedtime. Sunday I woke up sick. I never got a good feeling, and so decided I was going to take it easy after the past weekend. DH proceeded to carve pumpkins w/the skids on the porch... when I ventured out there, I started to dry heave from the smell of the pumpkin.. I went back and and watched some tv. Then the skids wanted to go to the park, It was 55 degrees out. I passed, and went to take a nap, DH took the skids up to the park. Then it was time to take them home.

I was flippin pissed that they had the NERVE to say that I do not do things w/them. Their own BM does not take them to the park, nor does she carve pumpkins w/them, or bake w/them, or play boardgames w/them, or take them to the freakin maze.. YET, I dont do ENOUGH w/them.

We got into a huge fight.. when he told me that comment, I literally flipped out pounding my hands on the table over and over, and I realize that my hormones, and the fact that I was starving probably came into play.. but let me tell you.. I told DH that I thought that they were UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BRATS. That perhaps they should question WHY their MOTHER doesnt do anything w/them... but that I do.

I am still upset about this today. I told him at one point that he could leave, the baby and I would be just fine. I know at some point I became UNRATIONAL.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this while pregnant? I felt like a crazy person....

Comments

melis070179's picture

I would be completely pissed too, probably not to the point where I am banging my fists, but you DEFINITELY have reason to be upset. Hormones definitely make your feelings more intense, but your DH should have reminded those kids everything that you do with them & for them & explain that with you being pregnant you don't always feel well...he has 2 other kids, this should not be news to him!

frustratedinMA's picture

Oh.. the skids do not know that we are pregnant yet. I was 12 weeks yesterday.. we are holding off on telling them that info til we are showing.. for fear of the bm. They are lucky I did not hear that comment, or I would have run down the list of things that I did w/them the weekend before, and that they are almost 10 and do NOT need to be constantly entertained.

I still am a bit pissed. I do not think I ever questioned my parents level of participation. EVER.. lol...

I could not believe that I was slamming my hands down. It was like an out of body experience.

Chel Bell's picture

Picture it: Florida, 21/2 years ago.....very pregnant, custody battle with DH and BM in full swing, and SS living at our house while we were under evaluation. SS is pissy about anything related to the baby, and buying anything for the baby was out of the question, as the state was still taking more than half of DH's income for CS, and only SD was living w/ BM , not both kids....took forever to rectify that! My DH was working all hours, and was not home to even be w/ his son.....but I was the bad guy , when the tension ran to high. I had to "suck it up" and deal with it when SS was eating his way through the food in the house, and we ran out of everything several times, my DH shelling out $$ we did not have, and fighting with BM about everything, and wanting his kids around all the time, even though he was not home enough. All the harassment from BM, and the additudes from my DH, and SS got to me big time! I had a big fight w/ my DH one day, and told him , I was packing up and leaving! I was yelling so loud, and was so freaking mad, with a cooking spoon in my hand slamming it on the counter, right in front of the skids, that I scared all of them! My DH now says, "you went Sicilian on me!" meaning my Italian temper really came out......it does when I'v been pushed, and of course preg. hormones really bring it out too. I know how you feel, and it sucks when that happens."~waiting on the world to change~"

bellacita's picture

and im not pregnant.
now THERES a problem

im claiming the sicilian in me too Wink

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

bellacita's picture

not quite like HER pair, im sure! Wink

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

bellacita's picture

i was ranting and raving to stepwitch the other day and she aske dme if i was pregnant bc i was so emotional about everything and i said "no! im like this all the time!"
truth is, this situation turns me into someone who im really not, someone quite unlike myself. and i dont care for her much Sad

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

Chel Bell's picture

I was so negative, and on edge all the time before. I was very depressed as well. Not a pretty pic! I vow to never let anyone "own" me like that eva again! Now I put the fiesty energy into things that are wort it.....and a hellava lot more fun, wink wink :)"~waiting on the world to change~"

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

We sound the same. I'm not pregant and never have been (yet) but I'm a nut case as well when it comes to BM and skids. They tend to bring out the worst in me.
I'm not silican but i am an Italian and the hardest head of them all (you guessed it I'm a Calabrian).
I'm a fun loving, energetic, kind person, but mix in abit of BM and a bit of skids, forget it, fun loving, engertic, kind person turns into complete nut case. I've been trying to control my emotions over the last year and have to say the Step Talk has really help with the controlling, as I don't lash out as much to BF anymore, I leave it for here.

FrustratedinMA,
Weather it is hormones or not, use it as an excuse anyway cause you'll only be able to use it for 9 months so take advantage of it.

bellacita's picture

is THAT where i get my hard head from??? lol!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

frustratedinMA's picture

A coworker who knows my life history said when she heard about this fight, that I should remind him that his ex quit her job after 4 mths because she was too tired to work.. so his choices could be.. i sometimes do not particapate in things if I am exhausted, or I quit my job so that I can play w/his children... his call.

Know that we NEED me working.. I do not get a choice like the ex did. Oh.. and I have a part time job lined up for tax season on top of my full time job.

I did throw out there that I would turn down the PT job if he starts spending extra on the skids, as that is my maternity leave money that I am saving up. I want to have 5 mths maternity leave, but 3.5 mths would be unpaid.. I pointed out that the ex has been on maternity leave for 10 yrs...

Chel Bell's picture

Hit'em with the facts.....it hurts more, and makes perfect sense at the same time!"~waiting on the world to change~"

frustratedinMA's picture

I try.. I do not know why I couldnt think of the ex quitting her job because she was tired, and that I work full time and DONT COMPLAIN.. although.. I am exhausted as well. But, unlike that piece of crap BM, I know that I have responsibilities, and I dont push them all off onto someone else.

I should have reminded him that HE was the one in the last marriage that worked a full and pt job.. oh.. and he is military. while she didnt work at all. It still ticks me off to think of this lazy @ss woman. Knowing that I dont get the same kind of priveleges as she did/does.

Chel Bell's picture

I was working too, when I got pregnant. I was also watching the skids all the time, and carting them around wherever they needed to be, BM had a great time scheduling things for them to do to keep me running, (stupid me, i fell for it), and then when I had to stop working, that was all I heard from BM, was that I did not work....like she was jeliouse or some thing. She put aside how many years she sat on her ever growing wide a@@, even when the skids were 10, and 13, and in school all day....she would not even drive them, they took the bus. Then my son was born in October, and by Jan. I was back their working part time.....right up till we moved away in July. It is total nonsense to me now!"~waiting on the world to change~"

frustratedinMA's picture

Yeah.. I already talked to dh based on stories I have heard on here. I let him know that I would appreciate it, that if it comes up that she wants me to take the skids over the summer while I am home on maternity leave, that that will only work if he is on leave during that time. That I will not be watching her two, so that she has even LESS responsiblility. He said, of course not, your not a babysitter. I have this feeling though, if I had not expressed this thought, that he would have agreed to it w/o even consulting me.

Elizabeth's picture

It's a pain in the a*& that we have to work while BM sits home and does what, exactly? BM's two other kids are in school. But I have to work so we can afford to pay CS so BM can continue to sit home.

And I agree with Dani, even if it is the pregnancy hormones, that excuse only lasts for so long so milk it while you can. My OB/GYN told my husband he could "expect" to get snapped at and when that happened he should just agree with me!

Elizabeth's picture

He was awesome. Totally down to earth. And he kept my husband in line!

frustratedinMA's picture

I need to get a dr's note!! lol..

I have been pretty even tempered since I got pregnant w/the exception of Sunday night. lol.. Wonder if the mood swings start at week 12. hmmmmm...

jen76's picture

The mood swings will get worse......just wait. I know exactly how you feel frustrated. My husband reacted the same way when I mentioned the same thing to him when I was pregnant. Our round trip is 3 hours if there isn't traffic. For some reason men don't really understand that there is another child involved (or will be) until you start showing. They know you are pregnant but I don't think it really "clicks" until you have a big belly. I know that your dh is already feeling the pressure of "split daddy syndrome". He thinks that he has to sacrifice his time with his other children to make more time for your child and feels that he is playing favorites and your baby isn't even here yet. This issue will come up a lot after the baby is born believe me. My son gets shafted all the time because he is "here all the time". Just b/c SD doesn't live with us doesn't mean that she doesn't have to follow all the same rules or get a toy or candy EVERY time we go to the store. Sounds a little like favoritism doesn't it?

frustratedinMA's picture

Omg.. that sounds awful. That is totally favoritism. I worry about this constantly. My favorite comment from the other night (or should I say my OTHER favorite comment) was I can't buy fast food for the skids after their soccer games (I have asked that he bring PBJs in case they are hungry) but you can spend $65 on acupuncture (I needed this to get pregnant and they suggest that you go for the 1st Trimester if you have had a history of miscarriages.. which I do).. I pointed out that we spend $850/mth on CS on skids, that we then spend money to pick them up in gas, then money to feed them w/groceries, then any extra thing we do.. they do NOT need fast food after their soccer games. That the acupuncture is for THIS baby, and is a total of $260/mth which ends TONIGHT. So.. how am I being unfair to your skids?!?!?!?!?!?

Seriously.. I think the money issue is going to come up a lot in the future. I have purchased the baby's bedroom set off of Craigslist for a total of $600 (that is a crib, dresser/changing table, and amoire) and a glider chair for $200.. ALL OUT OF MY PAYCHECK!! He hasnt had to incur ANY costs yet for this child.. and he is ticking me off.

TODAY... I told him that I was going for the flu shot the dr recommended (or rather told me) I get... DH had the nerve to ask, well how much is the flu shot!?!?!?! I wanted to jump through the f n phone. I said FREE DH!!! Any problems w/that?!?!?!?!? He knew that I was pissed that he asked. I might seriously consider seperating our funds at this point, and having him pay ME CS.

Conflicted's picture

Good to know!

Man have I had my freak out moments and I'm about to have another one! I am so sick and tired of DH bying sh*t for the skids. With the ecomony the way it is we just don't have any money left over and what money we do have DH feels the need to buy his kids hot coco when he buys himself coffee in addition to pop and candy at every gas station or grocrey store they enter. I'm sick of it! DH overdrew our account 3 times this month! Thats $30.00 for EACH overdraft fee! I am so pissed and seriously about to go crazy on DH. I'm avoiding him right now because I simply don't know how to calmly approach this. Any suggestions?

frustratedinMA's picture

OMG.. he overdrew the account?!?!?!? Does he KNOW that he is doing that??? I know I would have to tell my dh if he had done this.

Perhaps decide on taking out so much cash each week for you and for him.. and then tell him that is IT for the week. Do w/it as you please, but no using the debit cards for more stuff. That money is for pop, candy, coffee and cocoas.. gas, groceries and bills are what debit cards can be used for. See if that works.

I would start the convo as, I am concerned about the economy and our financial future during this time. Here is something I thought we could do to be proactive. And let him know that you get the SAME amount of spending cash.. no more, no less.. so that its EQUITABLE.

good luck!!!

Chel Bell's picture

his debit card will go missing....and then when he goes to the bank to physically withdraw $$ the account will be closed....and then when he asks you what the hell happened, you can say, "gee, I don't know, I'm still tryin to figure out why we were over drafted 3 times, and where that $$ went off to." (batting eyelashes)"~waiting on the world to change~"