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What should I do?

FrustratedandLost's picture

For the past year, my husband has become more depressed due to a legal problem with his job. When it started last August, I told him to get another job and leave his current job. But he refused. He has the attitude of get them before they get me. It has now started to reflect on me in some ways. This past weekend on Saturday, he went to the casino near us and I didn't want to go so I went and did something else. I tried texting him and calling him twice all day. He never answered me. I know he saw my text messages and read them because my phone status said read next to my text message. I was so mad because he was disrespectful and rude to me that I locked him out of our room that night and left his pillows and pajamas on the couch for him. The next day he didn't talk to me and when he came into the room to get his laundry, I asked him where he was and he said "It doesn't F-ing matter, lock me out of my room." I asked him why he didn't answer my text messages or phone calls and he didn't say anything. I told him he deserved it and that he was rude and disrespectful to me and I didn't deserve it and that I didn't do anything to him. Well, he still isn't talking to me. This is the type of behavior I get from him. He always acts like the problems that happen in our relationship is my fault. I tell him that he needs to tell SD19 to clean up her mess or to do something and he doesn't listen to me. I am the type of person that when I get tired of something, I walk away but in this case I'm so afraid to do that. I watched him be vindictive to his wife during his divorce and I am afraid that he will do the same thing to me, even though I don't have anything for him to take. I know deep down in my heart that he will never change and that I don't deserve to be treated like this but I am afraid to do anything right now. I have thought about going and talking to a divorce lawyer but if he ever found out, it would cause a huge problem with us. I've been contemplating this thought off and on for a while but I would not have anywhere to go. I don't have friends and the two people who are family don't have room for me to stay with them. I just feel stuck and I can't get out. Has anybody been in this situation? If so what did you do? Where did you go? Thank you in advance for your advice.


ESMOD's picture

It sounds awful to be with someone who isn't being much of a partner to you.

But.. would you rather move on with your life and try to find some happiness.. or will you let fear of him "not liking you" be the thing that holds you back.

Look.. for all the hollywood hooha about people having intentional breakups with respect and kindness for the other party.. it's just a show.  The reality is that when you break up with someone.. there is hurt, anger and people just aren't that "nice" to each other.

But.. he isn't being nice to you now>.... will he call you names?  Will he be an ahole about your posessions.. probably.. but then you can walk away and not look back.

So.. go see a lawyer.. shoot.. if he can disappear all day to the casino.. he shouldnt miss you being gone for a couple of hours.  Then armed with knowledge.. make your plans.  Quietly remove cherished posessions/pictures/documents (birth cert.. passport etc)  rent a storage space.. get the bills sent to someone else's home.. then when the time is right.. make your split.  If you are afraid of him being physical.. do it over the phone.

He isn't likely to change.. and his behavior likely caused his last relationship to end.  You deserve to be happy.

Siemprematahari's picture

What should I do?

Between the dysfunction between your MIL and H it seems only logical to leave this all behind. You don't have any place to go right now but you can start getting your ducks in a row and move into a room even if just temporary. Anything would be better than living this way. You have been suffering, alone and depressed so do yourself the favor and leave.

OP you are worth so much more. Please look at your worth and know that you deserve so much better than this.

justmakingthebest's picture

Just very quietly find a studio apartment for just you. You can buy stuff on facebook marketplace to furnish it inexpensively. Just leave. You don't have a real relationship, value yourself!