It Happened Now...
I put a post up not too long ago about my sister in law telling me that SD was planning on staying with us most of the summer but not telling DH or me (I never get told anything.) So she called last week when she was almost here and said she would be at our house in a little while. I got so mad and told my husband that she was incosiderate and not courteous and disrespectful. He got mad at me and said that he was tired of my attitude whenever she came around. Fast forward to Saturday night, we were all playing cards and my sister in law and niece were here. I asked how long SD was staying and she said she doesn't have a date yet if that's ok, to which my sister in law said that SD would stay at her house sometimes. I didn't say anything then came back with at least SD would be here when my parents come from out of state 4th of July. Then I dropped the subject. I wanted to say does it really matter if it's ok with me or not because you're going to do what you want anyways but bit my tongue on that one.
SD went camping for three days and my DH and I had a huge argument during the week when SD was not here and he told me he's tired of me having an attitude when someone comes, meaning his daughter. I said that all I was asking for was respect and courtesy of being told so that I could make sure the room was clean for SD and that I could have dinner cooked for when she got there. He said he didn't care if anything was clean and she could get her own food. We talked about his anger issues that he has, from contributing factors in his past, and he basically told me that he doesn't care if I liked his SD being here or not. He does not have a relationship with his oldest SD because IMO his lack of discipline towards his youngest SD, letting youngest SD get what she wants, not telling YSD no and because OSD and DH butted heads too much. So he told me he already lost one daughter and I told him that wasn't my fault so don't blame me. I told him that he never taught his kids to respect me and that was because he didn't respect me. I told him that he's never had my back and that I wasn't going to put up with his attitude in our house and that he should have my back. He said that I should tell SD if something needs to be done or change and I ask him if he was going to have my back, to which he said depends how you talk to her. I told him do you really think I'm going to ask her in a mean way so I have to deal with her attitude? NOT! After going around with him and not getting anywhere, I told him that all I was asking for was respect and consideration from him and SD. But that didn't get anywhere with him. He said that he's depressed and I told him that I was too but I wasn't afraid to get help for it. (I have a counseling appointment this week for me.) So, I finally said that there's no reasoning with someone like him and walked away. I can tell that I will never win in this situation with his daughter and him.
He has been silent for the most part with me for about a week and a half now. We make small talk and that's about it. Sometimes I feel like I am stuck and wonder what it would be like if I just threw my hands up in the air and said I'm done. I know DH wouldn't care because he has that kind of mentality. I see how my aunt who went through a divorce less than two years ago, is happy and has her own space and am a little envious of her. I think about what it would be like to have my own space and be able to do what I want and not have to deal with his family, i.e. SD problems. But I'm a little scared.
Thanks for reading. Sorry this was so long.