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Am I wrong?

FrustratedandLost's picture

My 19 year old SD who lives with us full time, doesn't do anything in our house to help out. She goes to school and works part time but doesn't do anything around the house. The only thing she's been asked to do is to clean her room and get rid of two laundry baskets full of clothes in the garage that have been there for over a year. Recently I've been complaining about her more because I'm sick of her not doing anything and my husband not doing anything about her selfish, ungrateful, inconsiderate, disrespectful, thinks she's entitled to do what she wants, attitude. I told him that I'm tired of paying for his kid and that she needs to start paying for her own cell phone bill because she doens't do anything else in our house. I told him that I'm sick of her and that her attitude. He says why don't I do something about it and I said if he backed me up, I would. He doesn't want to deal with her so he just lets her get away with her attitude. He doesn't go out of his way to help her with anything and when she's asked what time she gets off work, she tells him what does it matter. She goes to his sister and cries to her saying her dad doesn't love her and that he doesn't do anything with her. Well, the time he went to dinner with her, just the two of them, a couple months ago she had an attitude about where they were going.

My question where I need advice is this: Should I shut her cell phone off if she doesn't give us money for her cell phone? I told him that she was old enough to pay for her cell phone from now on, as it's only $30 a month. I feel that she should be paying for her cell phone because she works at a department store and is always bringing stuff home that she buys at work but doesn't ever offer to pay for anything at home or help with anything else. I told my SO that if she didn't pay for it, I would have it shut off. He gets mad at me about it but he doesn't want to deal with her. Would I be wrong for doing this? I know she will probably get mad and not talk to me. She doesn't really make it a point to recognize me anyways.

Comments

hereiam's picture

It's time for her to learn about being an adult, with bills and household responsibilities.

FrustratedandLost's picture

trying to say to him, that she needs to take some responsibility and learn about being an adult and paying for her own stuff. I told my husband that we are not her bank anymore and she needs to step up to the plate. He agrees but he just doesn't do anything about it because he doesn't want to deal with her.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You're in a tough spot because you live under someone else's roof and have a problem with someone else's daughter.

Maybe it would be helpful to carve out more independence for yourself? Open your own bank account, pay your own bills from that, and only contribute your own percentage of $$ to the household? One fourth sounds fair, and leave the rest of them to it as you build up your own nest egg.

ntm's picture

By which time the clothes in the garage need to be taken care of. If not washed and put away by the deadline, donate them. 

justmakingthebest's picture

I didn't read all  the other comments because I have a 19 yo SS who lives with us (who is special needs).

He works about 20 hrs a week and he also is going to night school for welding.

He has to pay $165 in "rent" monthly. We put it in a savings account that he doesn't know about. He only has 2 chores around the house- clean his room and dishes nightly. He PICKED doing the dishes as his chore. It is the only one he wants to do. 

DH and I made him sign a lease agreement that had his chores outlines. Every day that he misses his chores and I do them, he had to pay me $5. I make him venmo me on the spot. I wake him up out of bed for it. 

He has balked at me a few times about leaving and not having to do chores (mind set of a 12 yr old)- so I have gone as far as looking up local rentals and "rooms for rent", calculating all his costs and showing him everything. He shuts up REAL fast. 

My point here is- if you have her sign an agreement and she is responsible for X Y Z- hold her to it. She can pay a small rent, use it for monthly maid service. She can pay her own cell bill. Just hold your ground over it all!