Worst Weekend of My Life, But Now SD is Gone
I’ve been dreading this weekend since SS (6 and 8 ) would be visiting. Every time they’re here the past few months has been a nightmare, but this was worse than ever. But afterwards, I finally feel like there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s not going to be easy, especially for my DH, but once we make it past this, hopefully things will get back to normal.
To slightly recap, my DH’s 14 year old daughter (who hasn’t been part of his life until recently) has been living with my DH, my BS12 and me for the past four months. SD14 had been living with her grandmother, who passed away. My DH was never married to her mother, who’s lost all custody years ago and has substance abuse problems.
I finally had had enough dealing with out of control SD and thanks to the encouragement I found on here, I laid down the ground rules with my DH about how things were going to be with this girl living with us. She was going to respect me and my son, or she was going to find another place to live. End of argument He was going to get her under control and she was going to stop disrupting our lives, or else.
This didn’t go over very well, but I’ve been trying to convince him that this girl is a lost cause and if he doesn’t resolve this issue, she’s going to continue disrupting our lives and continue to negatively impact the three boys. Already, my son feels bullied and tormented in his own home and she’s turning her half-brothers into hateful little monsters.
Then the final straw came on Saturday.
We are in the process of moving to a larger place, since we’re currently in a 2 bedroom condo, but we can’t find a place we can afford in the school district. And honestly, I don’t want a large house with a big yard. Who do they think is going to take care of it?
I found out that SD14 and SS8 have been on the internet on realtor.com and emailing realtors, and now we have one calling us about some house the stepkids want to us to buy. SD14 gave our phone number, address and the whole story about what’s going on to a stranger - despite the fact that we have household rules that the kids are not allowed on the computer without a parent around or to give out personal information.
We sat everyone down for a family meeting about this to explain to the kids the situation, why we can’t move, how they need to leave this to us, and about internet safety. But SD14 went off on another tantrum.
By the end of this, SS8 had called his mom and she picked him and his brother up and their half-sister went with them. (They have different mothers, so the boys’ BM is not related to SD14). But the boys’ BM has agreed to let her stay with them for a few weeks until we make other arrangements.
SD14 says she doesn’t want to live with us any more, so I say fine. Why force her? And the only way I will permit her back into the house is if she agrees to follow the household rules, respect me and my son, apologize and actually convince us she wants to be part of the family.
My husband doesn’t want her to leave, but I think he realizes it isn’t working and there’s no choice but to send her back to Washington.
I’ve been telling him that it’s not his fault that this girl is so messed up. Her biological mother didn’t want him in her life, and the girl’s maternal grandmother didn’t want him around either. It’s a shame what happened to her, but the only thing he should regret is not using a condom.
So, at least she’s gone now and my living room isn’t a constant mess from her sleeping in there.
My DH has been talking to SD14‘s half sister who's a college student about SD14 moving back to Washington to live with her and providing child support payments. It’s not the best situation but at least she would be out of our lives.
I’ve so relieved.
Things are still tense around the house and I know my husband is upset. I’m afraid he’s going to blame me for driving away his daughter, but I know I’m doing the right thing for my family and putting them and my marriage first.
Again, I appreciate the support I’ve found on here. This is a difficult time for my family, and it’s hard for anyone who hasn’t had stepfamily issues to really understand.