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Dear DH, Please shut the hell up about your brat

frustrated-mom's picture

How do I explain to my DH that I no longer want to hear another word about his brat? She's still a disrespectful little bitch that's not welcome in my home and I want to pretend she doesn't exist.

Every time I tell him I don't want to him to discuss what to do with something with SD15 like what to do with the Christmas gift problem (she told him she didn't want anything from him, to leave her alone and to f**k off), he gets all upset and storms out of the room.

Seriously, I don't give a damn what her PSAT scores were. That doesn't change what she is. And I don't understand why her doing well on a test justifies him letting her treat him so badly.

I have enough going on with the holidays that I don't have time to be so stressed out over SD15. I want to have a nice month of December that I spend with family and friends that I care about, not dealing with the messed up situation with his daughter.


Anon2009's picture

I think you essentially have to convey to him that his telling you more about SD is only making you angrier towards her.

I also think that he has a lot of responsibility in creating this mess. It seems like he is one if the many adults who've allowed SD to get away with poor behavior due to what BM let happen to her. While people of course can and should feel empathy for her over that, they shouldn't allow her to use it as an excuse. And that's exactly what the therapist, uncle, aunt and to some extent DH have done and are doing. SD knows that she's been allowed to use it as an excuse for 10 years, and she's running with it. She won't stop running until someone/something forces her to come to a halt.

Ultimately, she will have to recognize that she has issues that can't be solved by merely scratching their surfaces, which is what she's doing with this quack of a therapist. She'll have to decide she needs more intense help and wants to change. Until then I don't see things improving a whole lot.

cant win for losin's picture

Stepaside- i agree. I think thats exactly why they do it. The men sing the praises of their children in hopes that we will wake up out of our self induced fog with the ephiany of "wow, everyone else was right, this kid IS a saint."
My dh was famous for this, and for this reason. He has stopped because he knows his kid is difficult and overwhelming and not pleasant to be around. He knows no amount of top 20 song praises is gonna make me wanna buy that cd.

If you want dh to stop, do what bad listeners do. Dont ask questions, dont act excited, be extremely monotoned in your response ( uh huh, yea, mmm, huh, etc..) have nothing to contribute to the conversation, and if possible do something physical while they are talking. (Grocery list, texting, internet, read, etc..something that also has your attention) AND after each break in their sentence, change the subject! About yourself, the neighbor, the weather, hollywood gossip, etc...BUT when you do, you have to be excited talking about that. Actually the subject matter really should be something of no to little interest to him to be extremely effective.
Then when he starts his "subject" again, go back to being disinterested and distracted.

frustrated-mom's picture

I'd be willing to try this, but the problem is that DH keeps asking for my advice and what I think. He wants to believe I want to help him with his problems with his daughter and that I want her to live with us again and I care about her as much as he does.

If I tell him that I don't want her to live with me, I don't know what he'd do. I'm afraid it would just create more problems if I completely ignore him when he's talking about her. If I tell him the truth, he'd be devastated, angry and hurt.

Right now he's really going full-force into Daddy Mode. His ex-wife remarried last summer and his boys are getting along great with their new stepdad. He's so consumed with what's going on with his kids and I truly don't care.