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Spending more money on SD for school

Frustr8d1's picture

I cannot help but hate the whole back-to-school shopping for SD12. She has lived with us full-time for half her life while BM has done absolutely nothing for her. We have 100% of all bills, medical, dental, time-consuming school activities, etc. So I can't help but hate that DH has to go spend even more money on this kid for new school clothes that she will inevitably just throw on the floor or ruin them completely.

Past behavior is the best indicator...SD will wear a brand new shirt once, then crunch it into a ball, throw it in the back of the closet on the floor so it can collect a horrid stench from the dirty socks in the same pile. If she took care of her stuff or even appreciated it, maybe I wouldn't feel so much resentment, especially when I have BD5 to worry about too.

Comments

Disneyfan's picture

What did dad do to correct this when she was younger? If never bothered to address the issue,then he has taught her it is acceptable.

oneoffour's picture

Kids learn fro examples or lessons. They are not born tidy. Someone like DH needs to hold her accountable and lay out the rules.

DPW's picture

DH should tell her that she doesn't get any new school clothes until she can manage her current clothing situation (i.e., keep her room tidy, laundry in the basket, etc...).

PrincessCupcake's picture

Ugh. What a pain. Though, I remember being that way when I was that young as well, but I still did my own laundry when the pile got to be too much. SO and I just spent $250 on school clothes for SS13 because the schools here have a very strict dress code and he didn't have anything that fit the standards. (He just recently came to live with us.) He has a laundry bag though, and is required to put his clothes in it at the end of each day, otherwise there are consequences. And his chore chart has him washing his own laundry once a week, something we had to teach him how to do because BM always did his laundry for him. And let him get away with a dirty bedroom. Not in our house.

At 12 she's old enough to do her own laundry. Show her how to operate the machines and let her do her own clothes. If she doesn't, then all she'll have is dirty clothes. And if she complains about that, then just look at her and say "Well, I guess you should have done your laundry then." I agree with buying clothes from Salvation Army or Goodwill as well. You can find some really good clothes, name brand too, for great prices.

Frustr8d1's picture

You all must have skids who are somewhat capable of being taught. My SD12 has always rejected any type of teaching. She doesn't respond to DH's parenting & guidelines & advice. She doesn't respond to punishment. She doesn't respond to praise. Nothing. When I describe her to people, it sounds like she has some sort of disability, but she doesn't. But it seems to me like she's borderline aspie.

She does have a laundry basket in her room. It's a huge one too. Yet, it is always always so full that clothes are falling out. Even after she does her laundry--the very next day, it is plumb full again. The only way that is possible is if she is keeping all clothes (dirty & clean) mixed together, which is just plain gross! DH gets on her case daily about her room & closet. She must hide everything before he goes in to inspect before bed because the very next morning, it all goes to shit again.

I don't even care anymore to try and change this kid. She refuses and I need to focus on things I CAN change--like myself and BD5. SD is too much like BM. BM can't seem to learn from her mistakes either, no matter how many people have tried to help her and explain the rules of life to her. BM was arrested 3 times for the exact same thing and she's in her mid-40s. You would think after the 2nd time, she would figure out that she can't get away with felony credit card theft!