You are here

Please Make Me Understand.........................

Francesca's picture

Why it is so hard to disengage!
So, SO's BM filed bankruptcy in his name and handed him the papers one day. I called the lawyer and asked why BM's name is not on the papers. Lawyer says "oh, that must be a mistake, her name should be on." (SO not divorced yet, has foreign name same as American female name.) Lawyer adds her name and sends new papers for signatures. BM gets mad. Signs anyway and does credit counseling course. One year later bankruptcy still not filed, BM refusing to speak with attorney, tells mediator all bills are in SO's name, she wants her name off bankruptcy. Yesterday she tells SO she refuses to file with her name. I lose my mind. Leave message on her answering machine that I have in my hand a loan for 39k in her name. Plus 4k in hospital and phone bills. I tell her that creditors are getting ready to put lien on house to get money when house is sold. Please call SO with your decision. VOILA! She calls and wants to know what she is supposed to do? Just tell bitch not to leave anymore messages on my machine.
Now she removes all money in joint account leaving it at 0 everyday. That is the account unemployment check is deposited into. So, today SO went to office to change bank account deposit and will close account for good.
But why? Why does she do things that screw herself just to aggravate us?


Rags's picture

Because she can and because your SO did not make smart decisions to separate finances when divorce was decided upon.

SO needs to separate himself from BM immediately and completely. If he pays or will pay CS he still needs to keep his finances separate and keep as much control over his resources and provide them in the way he decides is best for his child(ren).

MyNewFamily's picture

Well, coming from a man's perspective, my ex-wife does it solely to screw with me, my FW and our two kids. Case in point, my ex and I finalized our divorce back in June of this year after almost 3 years and I thought it was finally all over with and I could move on with my life. Came to find out in August that my ex had gotten a fee waiver for the filing costs, but when she filed her assets and debts paperwork, the court found out she had falsified information on it and the fee waiver was revoked and she had to pay the filing fee for the divorce to be signed off on. Almost into December now and she continues to refuse to pay the fee, no matter what is said or done. And to further add to this, her attorney let slip that she never even wanted custody of our children, she was just trying to drag it out for the sake of being a pain in my ass. My best guess as to why my ex, your SO's ex and so many others act and do the things they do is because they are vindictive, spiteful losers who have absolutey nothing better to do with themselves other than screw around in other peoples lives to make themselves feel powerful and good about their pitiful lives. The best way to get over this is to make it painful for her to contiue doing whatever it is she's doing and she'll eventually stop trying to involve herself in your life because she is no longer getting anything out of it! Good luck and don't let her get you down!

Rags's picture


You Sir are exactly right IMHO. You have described my SS's SpermIdiot and SpermClan to a tee.

They have no redeeming character traits and nothing to contribute to society and consistently attempt to compensate by being a PITA.

You are also right that the only effective way to deal with idiots like these is to make their actions so painful for them that they finally give up. The most effective way we found to induce pain on them is to keep the Custody/Visitation/Support CO handy, roll it up and beat the snot out of them with it when they think they have grown a brain cell and crawl out from under the mud to cause trouble.

Your perspective is bang on. It is good to have another male perspective on S-Talk. There are a few of us but this is definitely an Estrogen rich environment. Having a little more Testosterone in the mix is a good thing.

Best regards,

Francesca's picture

There is still a joint account because she was living in the house until last May and unemployment deposits the check into that account. He was giving her money to pay the bills. She screwed all that up causing the house to almost be in foreclosure and car repoed. She moved out and they rented house. UE still deposits into that acct. He was afraid to close it and start new deposit because UE screws things up quite easily as well. They stopped the check once because of the address change. Now, however, he has no choice. If I put $5.00 in just to keep in open, she takes it out. They are not divorced, but he pays the CS in a check now, for record keeping. She has some other acct. Thanks for the man's perspective, I have never seen anything like this in my life. All she has ever said since he met me is how she wants him back, he belongs to her. I so want to tell her that her strategy NEEDS A LITTLE WORK. She's just about bankrupted (literally) the man, he's lost almost everything he's worked for and he's supposed to go back to her? Seriously? And it's ME ME ME ME ME ME ME? If she were my wife I would not have been nearly so kind as him. He worries about his spoiled, sulky children who act like her. She NEVER EVER asked him how she could help with the finances. Just when are you giving me money. How do people get like that?