Second families are valuable. We do not need you to make a sales pitch, DH!
I had a talk yesterday with DH about why it is so frustrating to hear him attempt to sell the idea of us to his oldest from his first marriage. Sometimes I feel like he has the voice of an info commercial announcer as he remarks about DS and I. It is like DS and I are the fruit of a very inconveniently planted tree in SS18’s life. And DH is trying to get SS18 to see how beautiful the leaves are. Painful to watch.
DH explained to me that he is simply excited about us and wants to share news about us to SS18. I think that is partially true. But I also see a long pattern of behavior from DH where he has tried to sell SS18 the idea of us. And SS18 has been harsh and cruel in his responses. “Don’t babies cost a lot?” was his response when he was told by DH privately that I was expecting. He even suggested the baby wasn’t DH’s.
I believe that DH is subconsciously attempting to get permission or approval from his firstborn for divorcing his mother and seeking happiness as a single man. And then further trying to get approval for hooking up with me and having another child.
I stood there yesterday and very strongly told him that we are valuable no matter what SS 18 thinks. And that SS 18 is valuable no matter what I think of him. I do not want DS growing up admiring and seeking the approval of a distant older brother who never took an interest in him. I also do not want to see DH struggle for approval from a child even if it is his child. How can we teach these children to value themselves if we constantly seek their approval?
Want2, with all due respect, can you please NOT comment on my post? Thank you.