well counseling was today.
Generally disappointing as the counselor seems to have bought into BM’s sad sad nonsense. Hopefully I am mistaken.
Therapist said SD13 steals for attention, lies for attention. Provide a “therapeutic environment...no yelling, recognize it as sickness, be patient and curious...Sibling rivalry”... Yadda yadda yadda. The same sort of easy narrative that I could read off of any forum. Therapist didn’t seem interested in recognizing that BM is a master manipulator and emotionally crippling SD13. Didn’t seem to find important that SD13 doesn’t discuss her mom. She spends most of her time with her mom now. So why do DH and I get all the credit for her increase in screwed up behavior? Lol
Felt disappointing. Next time I will be more organized and prepared with specific questions, so we don’t end up focusing on my emotions regarding screwed up BM or my relationship with DH.
I don’t have much hope for SD13 growing into a mentally healthy adult. In fact, I expect her mother to encourage this “mental illness” as a way to keep SD13 sick and dependent on her. But DH and I are going to follow the therapist’s advice and do our best to provide good examples of how to be non-evil empathetic human beings.
Me? As far as personal development, I’m sort of done trying to convince whoever I am a good and caring person who has been pushed into a deep sadness by BM’s lies and manipulation. Not to mention the rejection by SD13 after I’ve put so much effort and thought into her. I’m sort of done with the dramatic truth searches I engage in with DH in the hopes of helping SD13. What is the use of this truth? We already know it? What is the use of trying to convince everyone of it? The people who matter know what’s up.
Ironically, due to the lies of BM, I feel more comfortable in my skin. I am free mentally. If I do my best to be my best self, what does it matter if I convince the world I am good? Again, why fight every day to convince fools of the truth. The truth is bigger and stronger than me. It can handle its own business without my help.
It is as if BM’s negative soul has fast-tracked my social maturation from “young and naive girl who wishes to have a good relationship with every face she meets” to “if you get me, you get me; if you don’t, no worries and bye bye.” DH and I are stronger than ever. On the same page again. United. It feels good.