Boundaries. The real question is..
I may have hurt DH’s feelings, but the words poured out, the question, “Has anyone ever loved your children enough to tell then the truth?”
The truth about their behavior, about their mother’s lack of a conscience?
I’ll focus on SD13 because she is the one I actually have to be around regularly. But it isn’t her that gets to me. It is DH’s parenting. Yes, he does “tell” her to stop standing on his shoes, and he does “tell” her to stop sitting on his lap or to stop lying across him because she is too old for that, but always in a tone of voice that is so kind and reserved, nothing ever happens! She continues the behavior! IT WEIRDS PEOPLE OUT.
And as for her theft of his and my property.. the excuse is “she didn’t sell it. She just took the things and stashed them in her closet for months. Is it really stealing?” And when I reply with an emphatic YES IT IS STILL STEALING, DH questions whether it should or how it could possibly be addressed because “What leverage do I have now that SD13 lives with her mom FT?”
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve procreated with a man who, despite all of his experience, doesn’t have the guts to actually parent a child. I swear, it’s like if SD13 is on auto-pilot polite mode, all is well to DH. It doesn’t matter if she just told horrible lies about him to CPS. Doesn’t matter if she has stolen.
I swear it’s like he uses “kindness” as an excuse to be the buggest coward in the world wnd his children suffer for it. Because the ONLY strong personality they see every day is the coniving and wicked example of his EXW.
I am going to begin counseling so I can figure out how to care LESS about these children. Because my “checking in” emotionally to them gives me a lot of anxiety and anger towards my DH.