BM cannot stand our happy home
EOW visits with SD13 have been going really well. There is no Disney Dad happening. No nightly phone calls to BM. SD13 seems pretty happy when she is here. She spends time with us by her own choice and we all get along well. When it is time to go back to BM’s (who she chose to stay with FT) she drags her feet.
I am still sticking to my two rules. I am not left alone with SD13 because of her lying. And I keep conversation focused on her, so my invisible emotional boundary is intact.
Oh but slow down! A new counselling session has been requested by SD13. Already scheduled on our visit time. And we have been asked to attend. (Don’t worry, BM won’t be there. She doesn’t have the guts.)
Is this as obvious to other STalkers as it is to me?
BM has figured out that SD13 is actually happy when she is here with us, that she is actually bonding with DS and I, so BM has invented a problem about us for SD13 to bring up in counseling. BM, by my estimation, figures that forcing SD13 to lie yet again will cause the same feelings of betrayal and hurt in DH and I like the lies did last time. She hopes to cause me to become an emotional mess in front of the counselor and to cause strain on our marriage.
But I already know what I will say no matter what is said or insinuated.
Oh, I’m glad you are telling us your feelings. I wish you felt like you could say your feelings to us without a counselor, but I am glad to be here if it makes you feel more comfortable.
Then I will say one of two options depending on whether she complains about true shortcomings or lies her mother has invented..
I am sorry you are unhappy about XYZ. I will do my best to work on XYZ. Nobody is perfect, but in this family we try to work together.
Or if the thing said is a lie..
I am confused as to why you are u happy about XYZ because XYZ didn’t happen. Instead this happened. Example: I am sorry you are unhapoy about not going out to eat. If you remember, we all wanted to go out to eat but then we decided it was a better option to eat at home and go out for dessert instead.
LOL BM is so pitiful. If we let her into our heads, we lose the peace we have gained. If we get emotional over lies, we just opened the door and invited BM in.