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Absurd Things—a walk down stephell memory lane

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

I like lists. They feel refreshing to me. So here is a  start to a list of incredibly absurd, head-scratchers I’ve heard in this stephell universe at my house. Please comment with your own most absurd lines from skids or BMs. I hope this can procure a few laughs on this Saturday.

—angry fully licensed driving SS18 who never came around and who has only seen DS1 a handful of times yells through tears “I’m a part of this family too!”

—BM: warmest congrats on your new addition!

—SD13: “maybe it’s dead!” after hearing me remark that I hadn’t felt the baby kick for a little while.


Strange people. I am so sorry DS1 that I have made these dysfunctional people a part of your sweet life. I could have and should have chosen better. But here we are. 




strugglingSM's picture

The most ridiculous thing BM has ever said:

DH: We need to have a united front and make it clear to the boys that we both expect them to do their homework.

BM: You’re only saying that because you hate me!

A close second - 

BM (texting DH on Friday 2 hours before pick-up): Can SS not go to your house this weekend.

DH: No, I want him to come to my house.

BM: Of course you would put your ego before your child! You’re only doing this to get back at me!

On a more general level, it’s also BM telling DH constantly that he’s just bitter about the divorce and that I’m just jealous of her.

For context, DH is someone who rarely interacts with BM. When he does, he’s usually pretty calm and doesn’t react. When he was contacting her, it was to discuss things about the children. I don’t interact with BM at all...which she interprets as jealousy.


Cooooookies's picture

Oh dear, I'll only include a few.  These are all from BM2 and all sent to DH:

-  I should get the most money from your Will as I've known you longer, you've only known Cookies for 5 years.

- Can you send one of your shirts that I can sleep in while I'm visiting as  I don't have any pajamas.

- Why can't she (me) just FACK OFF BACK TO AMERICA?!?!!!!

- It would've been so much more fun if you and I went to Thailand instead of me and my boyfriend.  We would've enjoyed it together so much more.

There's loads more but I'll keep it short.

thinkthrice's picture

Girhippo: (standing up and literally crying at school admin meeting) "BUT WHAT ABOUT HER FRIIIIIEEEEEEENNNNNNDDDDSSSSS?????!!"

Um SD is a mean girl bully type.  Any of her victims, errr I mean "friends" never lasted the whole school year

TwelveLongYrs79's picture

Because that’s the excuse Skankula used for just about every time she spewed some nasty bs out of her mouth to DH. Then next week it was “I never said that”*shok*

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

Skankula... wow i need to think of a cooler name for BM. “Skankula” has inspired me.

Jcksjj's picture

I think the strangest that is non malicious was BM holding back tears on our front porch because my 10 lb dog barked at her and it hurt her feelings (she believes she has a special connection with animals that other people dont).

"I dont have the family support that you do or a career or a house like you" from BM to DH was a good one also when she insisted on being a SAHM and has had her mom paying for all of SDs stuff including her preschool, a gym membership for her, her brother paying her cell phone, and her dad and his bf regularly sending spending money. Dh has gotten no money from his family.

Dh discussing that maybe 50/50 is too stressful for SD and BM responding that she needs to have her half the time because "she is happiest when she is with her (this a few months after her BF that she was going to move 4 hours away for broke up with her and she ended up not completely ditching SD last minute)." So then DH asks just to see what she would say if she wants her every week during the school year and she instantly replies no i only want her exactly half "


shamds's picture

BM 10 yrs after divorce and married to hubby #2 has eldest sd22 message hubby: “we need to have a blank slate for the sake of our kids because we both remarried and have new families so the past is in the past and bring ss20 (the one i abandoned and cut off contact for 5 yrs) and yourself to my home with my husband where i’ll cook anything so we can start afresh (this is 5 yrs after kidnapping sd22 & sd14).

hubby didn't go and ignored the message (what exhusband wants to see psycho narcissistic exwife who had her family threaten to kill hubby).

exwife moments after our wedding had hubbys sil contact her about our wedding to bitch about it, they laughed how long it would take our marriage to fall apart. Just bitter useless women aggro some of us are happy and have a solid relationship

ss20 in response to hubby asking he pull his weight at home and do chores and not ignore me and our 2 kids was to claim he had “imaginary stress syndrome”

sd22 5 yrs after disappearing with bm messages hubby how she wants them to be a family again and hubby says she will always be his daughter and he misses her to which she replies: 

“we can’t be a family as mum says you went to a witch doctor to do black magic voodoo (proceeds to send 2 pics of a body with shaded areas where bad spirits were in her mums body), then says that its true because bm said it so daddy must have done it despite few mins earlier stating that bm is a compulsive liar and parent alienator and telling hubby they had cctv footage from a neighbour showing bm bitter siblings and spouse come over to their home to lay dead cats, candles and knives (black magic voodoo crap). Mind you bm was married to hubby for 14 yrs, surely the bitch would know hubby would 100% choose going to a golf course over wasting his time at a witch doctor to perform black magic on her

bm calls sil sings praises for me “i’m so glad she loves my kids like her own, my daughters were singing praises”. This is coming from a woman who never wanted to be pregnant, sabotaged her pregnancies to end up in a termination, never wanted to be a mum, is incapable of nurturing, never wanted these kids. So explain to me why someone would wanna love your kids like their own when you can’t even love them yourself??

sd22 this year messaged hubby: “just letting you know i probably won’t get that job you pulled strings for me to get to interview stage. I did so bad that i sat in silence anytime the interviewer asked me a question, i didn’t even look at company website or bother to look up tips for handling a job interview because I couldn’t be bothered, proceeds to send a hysterically laughing emoji to dad.

same incompetent sd whilst we’re on holiday overseas asks hubby to pull strings for her cousin on bm side (that they’re supposedly not in contact with) that cousin applied to work at hubbys company (hubby is a snr vp) and sd wants daddy to check how she did if he can that is... pretty sure she did beyond shit if its been 3 weeks and she hasn’t been called. Hubby tells sd he can’t do anything, she did real bad and didn’t score enough points at interview if it was 3 weeks ago. Cousin looks like a 10yr old applying for a grown up job. Why would hubby help out a pscho dysfunctional ex-in laws when they were never an integrated family

sd22 5 years after disappearing with bm lectures to hubby his responsibilities as a dad to pay child support to her because she helps with expenses for sd14 and bm contributes too. Sm hasn’t worked in 24 yrs, whatever money she contributes is 100% hubbys cs he pays for sd14. Yup people a sd now 23 yrs old expects daddy to pay her money for child support

all the above has made hubby want to move to my country to retire early because he worked his arse off and he wants to cut the skids off cold turkey.

bm also told sd23 to check with hubby that hubby #2 can’t get a hold of hubbys home if she were to die from her imaginary illness because she is afraid hubby #2 will go to court for it. (Home is in hubbys name, hubby bought it for sd’s to live in), hubby laughed his arse off to his siblings that exwife is crazy that its not possible for her husband to take ownership of my hubbys home should she die... needless to say those were warning signs her marriage is falling apart

Livingoutloud's picture

My OSDs favorite phrase for her dad: “you have to get your priorities straight”. 

After 14 hours of a night shift my DH tells her “ I can’t drive 2 hours to unexpectedly babysit GSD, I need to sleep for couple of hours”. SD: “you choose sleep over your daughter. You have to get your priorities straight” 

After DH said he can’t meet her on a short notice because he has eye doctor appointment. SD: “you need to get your priorities straight, you never put me first” 

I have ton of those. 


Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

LOL  skids are so smart. Thank goodness for their loving guidance. 

retiredusmcdad's picture

I forgot this gem in my recent post about how my SD, and Soon to be ex-wife STBXWs enabling behavior destroyed our marriage.

When I confronted STBXW and would not move on until she answered for her daughters habitual lying her response was "people lie".

YSDs (10) birthday last year OSD did not acknowledge or do anything for her, even though YSD always did something for OSD (15) when her birthday came around.  STBXW "How come you didn't do anything for YSDs birthday, you really hurt her feelings?"  OSD: "I HAVE BEEN BUSY, I HAVE BEEN WORKING, DRAWING, WRITING AND READING!!!!)  She worked maybe 6 - 8 hours a week, and she spends the bulk of her time on her phone texting. 

My birthday, fathers day, christmas, you name it...  YSD makes something for me, OSD does nothing.  STBXW says nothing. I say "thanks, nothing from you I assume, no ackowledgment?"  OSD, "I didn't know we were celebrating it".

STBXW, "OSD likes you, she tells me that she likes you".  Me: "You don't treat people you like the way she treats me, you see it!"  STBXW, "well she likes you because she tells me she likes you"

STBXW: The ex and I agreed to give OSD the car when she turns 16.  Me: The car that I paid off and ended up paying most of?  STBXW: "yes"  Me: What do we do when YSD turns 16?  STBXW "We give her the car we bought to replace the car we gave OSD, it will be almost 5 years old then anyways, it will be old!"  Me: I might not even be done paying off the car at that point, I am not giving cars to the kids, and 5 years old is not "old for a car".  STBXW was p******   Me: "so let me get this straight, you are mad at me because I won't honor a deal you made with OSD and your ex-husband before I came into the picture, even though I paid off the car and ended up paying for most of it?  STBXW "yes".  As an aside STBXW had three nice used cars when she was a teen because she destroyed them all, her parents both working professionals upper middle class kept buying her cars.  She actually told me that the third car her father got her to replace the second car she destroyed was nice, but she cried and complained because it was the wrong color!

Christmas time, the girls are unwrapping their myraid of presents.  I tell STBXW, "we should get them some trash bags so they can clean up the wrapping from their gifts."  STBXW, "lets let them have fun" Me: "ok" not worth a fight.  Five minutes later STBXW: "Can you go get some trash bags so we can clean up the wrapping for the girls? (11 & 15).  My uncle was present and said "DH just said he would get trashbags for the girls 5 minutes ago!"  STBXW "While I don't want them accidently throwing presents away".  Me: "No, they are 11 and 15, they are old enough to pick up after themselves".  STBXW picked up after them.

Forthelifeoftheparty's picture

STBXW sounds like she ought to throw herself in the trash. Don’t you love how hard these parents work to keep their kids absolutely dependent on them? And socially feral so their only friends have to be their dysfunctional parents?

TwoOfUs's picture

BM (when we tried to impose boundaries and rules for OSD at our house and she constantly undermined us): “OSD is just an old soul” and “I think OSD knows best what OSD needs.” 

OSD (at 16, getting CS, living with BM, with a paid for car, insurance, and cell phone...explaining to me in an incredibly smug tone how it would be so easy for her to move out on her own.): “I’m basically independent already...”


There have been so many but those two were fun.

Maxwell09's picture

I think the most outrageous thing was BM blaming DH for her second child being Kell positive...he is not the father...and when he told her her pregnancy and pregnancy issues weren't any of his business, she told him she was glad I miscarried. 

retiredusmcdad's picture

STBXW agreed with me that OSD couldn't be trusted and shouldn't be left alone around me due to her habitual lying.  Fast forward a few months and she changed the narrative.  "at first I felt that way, but eventually I didn't feel they were safe with you" despite no history whatsover of violance or threats of violance.  To admit OSD was a habitual liar would imply she could do wrong and was somehow culpable for her lies.  Much easier to claim the SDs were unsafe with me, this despite the fact I can and do have my son anytime I have time.  If I was a danger would she be giving me our son to spend time with without a fight?