Can it work if your values are so different?
Long time lurking, first time posting so forgive me for the long post. I’m 28 and live in the UK and also what’s known in old terms as a HFA (high functioning autistic).
I have been with my partner for 18months.living together since June 2018. SO has two daughters: SD20 and SD11. SD20 isn’t my SO bio child, he adopted when he married his ex wife. He left her two years before we got together due to her stealing his money to gamble and going out getting drunk, doing speed and being a crap mum.
The BM is what you would consider to be ‘Jeremy kyle’ material. She’s never worked, very self entitled and is defrauding our disability benefits system. She has ‘ME’.and she gets full whack of the benefits money saying she’s too tired to clean her house or leave it. But, this woman managed to go to the pub 4/5 a week, take speed and coke and she’s proud she can drink 76 cans of cider in a weekend bender. She can afford to buy takeaway every night and buy lots of expensive stuff which they don’t take care off. BM is very overweight, SD20 is 10stone overweight and SD11 is about 1/2 stone over weight. BM is now pregnant again as she openly tells people it’s so the council will have to give her a better house and she’s about to be reassessed for PIP (the new scheme and it’s much harsher) so in order not to have her benefits cut or have to work she’s got herself pregnant. This woman is a hypochondriac, if she or the kids cut them themselves she makes out like they have lost a leg and 10 pints of blood. BM is a very lazy parent, she wants and acts like the SDs friends. SDs aren’t really academic, SD11 is ‘sick’ a lot because she can’t be bothered to go to school. SD11 lives 0.6miles (along one straight road with a mild incline) from school but refuses to walk and demands to be driven. I have issues with SD20 but that’s a whole different lengthy post. In the beginning I was very nice, I give them a lot of space and time (and still do) when SD11 comes over (SO has her every Wednesday and EOW). SD11 tells BM that we leave her out and ignore her, which is bolllocks as 2/3 of time I’m not there. She gets upset if we kiss and SD11 is just all over him when we are out.
Im really struggling with his children. I was brought up very differently with rules and boundaries. I was taught never to take or touch anything that wasn’t mine, if I wanted to I had to ask the person who owned it. Also I never ever went into either of my parents bedrooms (they seperated). It’s sad but I really love my things, I look after them, save them for special things, due to the HFA I can remember how, where and why I brought things very vividly. I don’t mind sharing if asked. The SDs were brought up where they can just take or use each other’s stuff, they have no respect for other people’s things. I’ve came home several times and SD has been wearing or using my stuff. My SO knows very clearly how I feel about it. SD11 has been told not to touch or take my stuff. I came home from shopping today to see she had taken and used up my washi