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resolution . . . . maybe?

FML's picture

Soooo last night I posted a blog and it caused some little bickering back and forth. I'm glad it did bc I'm just as conflicted on the situation. So my ex came up with a solution that I'm still not sure about. He wants to agree to a clause that states we will keep our daughter away from anyone who has a criminal past. Both my stepdaughter s SM s parents have felony criminal background s. Solves the problem right? Yeah idk . .the SM is going to be pissed thinking I pulled that agenda and ex comes out looking ok. Should I really care if SM thinks I'm a bitch? This is really skirting around the issue . . Idk what I'm thinking just putting my thoughts out there.

Comments

Glassslipper's picture

Clarify?
Your thinking of making a clause that parents my not take the child around anyone with a prior felony, and your ex is agreeable (suggested it?) because your daughters SM and her mother lavished more gifts on the biogranddaughter than your daughter, correct?

Disneyfan's picture

Who care what she thinks? Your ex is trying to protect your daughter. I wouldn't mind being the scapegoat since he's trying to keep daughter away from his inlaws.

FML's picture

This is what I'm thinking. I definitely don't want my daughter to be entitled and think the world revolves around her. It's just the ugliness that seems to be escalating. Plus they are batshit just like stepmom so it may not be a bad thing. I just really want to avoid being the crazy BM I hate so much. I was trying to let ex handle it.

moeilijk's picture

Why don't people just tell the truth anymore?

Your ex *should* tell his wife - look, how your family treated my daughter wasn't ok, and I failed to step in at the time. In the future we won't be bringing my daughter to your family events because it's better if we all avoid that kind of situation.

Doesn't that solve the problem without hiring a lawyer to add clauses to a CO about totally unrelated issues?

FML's picture

I wish there was a like button . . . Sigh it's not really my issue to resolve . .

Glassslipper's picture

IF you put in a clause, she will be left out of ALL her Daddy and new sisters life, sisters birthdays, family camping trips, Christmas. You will pretty much be putting hard and fast limits on your daughters ability to blend into a family because of one mistake by in-laws, My in-laws also tried the first 3 Christmas's to LAVISH their bio grandchildren with gifts while non-bios watched, first year sent my daughter into tears...not because she didn't get "stuff" but because she didn't feel loved and accepted like a normal family and that adults were playing "favorites". (change takes times for kids)
And we never allowed it the other years, the other years DH would literally walk the presents right out to the car and tell his dad to pick out an equal amount for all because we don't allow two Grandchildren to get 20 gifts and two to only get one.

I'm surprised you ex is willing to do this to his daughters future...or his in-laws, it seems very inappropriate to me...I would have to think there is more to this...
Why would you want a clause that would opt your children out of half your families lives??????

Disneyfan's picture

Maybe the ex doesn't like his inlaws and is looking for an excuse to stay away from them.. The clause will keep his inlaws out of his home when his daughter is around. He will have a built-in excuse not to visit them during his time with his daughter.

FML's picture

This is honestly what I think is happening. This has been going on for five years. It's not a new situation. It just seems to be getting worse. I don't know how I feel about this agenda but I think it will benefit my daughter. . . .and my ex in the process. . .

FML's picture

I hate talking bad about children but her little step sister is a bitch and hell on wheels. Been kicked out of two schools. I wouldn't be the least bit upset if she were held away from sister but that's never been my decision to make . .

Disneyfan's picture

It's possible your ex dislikes his stepdaughter and his inlaws. Since he has no problem telling people he still loves you, he may not even like his wife. Why in the world are these two goobers still married?

LuckyGirl's picture

Your ex is a spineless coward.
Frankly, if I were going to get the blame anyway, I'd probably go the whole hog and say you don't want your daughter anywhere near the SM... But that's just me.

BethAnne's picture

Don't sign anything about this. You never know when this could come back and bite you on the ass one day when someone who is a positive influence around your daughter who just happened to have made some mistakes in the past and then your ex will have power to prevent her being around them.

Parents should use their best judgement and if he doesn't like his in laws then he should just not take his daughter. If he needs an excuse I don't understand why he can't just lie and say that you have insisted that she doesn't go around them (not that lying is the best option really, but if he is desperate not to be the bad guy himself that is one thing he could do).

In all reality the child has been around these people for the last 5 years and if he wanted to do something about it he should have done it earlier. He needs to sort out this battle on his own rather than running to you to ask you to take the blame. Time for him to man up and cut the apron cords!

Indigo's picture

BethAnne's right. Don't put something like "child may never be around someone with a convicted felony, or aggravated misdemeanor", but someone with a charged & not convicted felony would be okay. (Think OJ Simpson or Casey Anthony).

I understand the intent, but I can't see anyway that legally you could define "good/not-good people" or "only people who committed victimless crimes."

Besides, what if --- God Forbid --- you or DH should be involved in a lethal traffic accident or do something excruciatingly stupid and get charged with a felony yourselves ?

Perhaps this idea merely appears an easier option than dealing with the in-laws and situation in person.