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Success with disengagement and baby turning 1

Floral_SM's picture

My baby girl turned 1 today. We had a party organised at a local park with close friends and family, but the forecast was rain and hail so had to cancel and move the party indoors to my parents house. Covid restrictions won't allow more than 20 people in a home here, so it was small but in all a good day. 

We had SS9 and SD7 this week so I'm glad they could be there at their sisters birthday. SD has a cousin (DH's niece) that's similar age to SD and has always gotten along well with her when they were younger, but I've noticed now that SD's personality is more like her mother's as she's gotten older, they haven't been all that happy playing together. This was the case at my DD1 party, with DH's neice in tears and SD looking guilty when asked what was going on. DH told me one of my old toys (a plush dog I've had forever) had its ear torn off. My poor mum loved that dog. Apparently SS and DH's nephew tried to take it off SD and DH's neice and a tug of war scenario happened. I looked at both girls in tears and shrugged. Seriously I wasn't about to have this be a huge issue on my daughters birthday and said to DH 'Sounds like a rivalry with the girls and boys, don't make it a big thing, I can stitch the ear back on.' But, not even 15 mins later DH's niece was in tears again and SD looking upset. What is going on with these girls? SS and DH's nephew were nowhere near them at this point. MIL took the girls away for a walk somewhere apparently, I'm not sure what was said but glad she was dealing with it, so DH and I can enjoy ourselves.

Just as I announced let's do the cake, SD came up to me crying and confessed she started everything. I hugged her and was baffled as I had no idea what 'everything' really was. I asked her is this still about my plush dog's ear and she nodded. I explained I can fix the ear and no one is in trouble, but obviously by the look on MIL's face there was more to the story. Sorry MIL, I have disengaged, she can fill DH in about SD if she wants. I set the girls up with some cake and that cheered them up. 

When everyone left to go home, DH said quietly to my parents 'I'll have to keep a close eye on SD. She's going to be hard work I think, with her mother's manipulative influence in her. She was hard work this week'. Hmm was she darling DH? Last post I put up was how I planned to disengage from SD as her attitude was so rude to me. Well now this week DH got the full brunt of it as I stepped away, and I'm so glad he can see what's going on. 

Tomorrow is SS's final footy game yay! Hopefully won't have to lay my eyes on toxic BM again until next year when it starts up again. Fingers crossed I don't see my toxic sister or her toxic partner there either. 



JRI's picture

It all sounds good and happy bday to your little one.  I'm sure with SD approaching the teen years that DH will have his hands full.  It's great that you've put the work on him, where it belongs.  Good luck!

Floral_SM's picture

Thanks JRI Smile it was a short and sweet little party. Oh yes she will be a handful. I wonder by that age she might want to live with Toxic BM. BM tends to be 'I'm their friend not their parent' mother. 

JRI's picture

Teens like to go where life is easiest for them regarding expectations, curfews, privileges, school attendance, etc.  So, yes, she will probably want to live where life is easier.

CLove's picture

WEll, thank goodness you were able to hold things together and keep the disengagement going on.

And happy birthday to Little Flower!!!

Pretty soon your DH will either get tired of shenanigans and get easier on them or tougher, so get ready for the ride Biggrin