You are here

SS has ADHD?

Floral_SM's picture

We have had issues with SS's behaviour. Every day he has been sent to the office in school and constantly being suspended from school over the years. His behaviour is mainly that he talks back to teachers, walks out of class, gets frustrated easily, can't focus and can't control his anger. He is very intelligent and can understand his school work, but he refuses to show his working out on paper or refuses to do it. He is the top reader in his class and is highly motivated in sports. At first, teachers thought he chose to not want to do the right thing, but now they suggest he may have ADHD.  

Toxic BM is the worst role model as a mother which wouldn't help his situation. Teachers have said to DH they can see a pattern in his behaviour when he's with her vs our being at our house. Basically we have structure and she doesn't. Still, they find he  cannot sit still in class regardless. One example they gave DH was when the class was supposed to be outside using nature to do math (gathering sticks and leaves to add and subtract) he refused to participate. Complained it was boring and the teacher admitted it was a quiet and slow activity for him. His teacher let him run laps around the oval instead as he was disrupting the other students. He ran these laps 45mins straight. 

I and DH don't have experience in ADHD, so DH is booking an appointment with a doctor and wondering if medication will help him focus more in class. He is full on at home. I have asked DH to put the skids in OSHC because I can't deal with having them home by myself in those awkward few hours between DH work and school pick up when he gets home. My sanity has restored since then. Anyway, we shall see how his first appointment goes.  


tog redux's picture

It does sound like he has some ADHD symptoms, good for your DH for getting the evaluation done.  This is the kind of kid who could excel in school with the right supports, but who will be an underachiever big time without them.

I think DH and my SS21 have ADHD too, though neither have been diagnosed. Both are bright and both really were underachievers in school.  ADHD isn't always about just being hyperactive, there is a lot more to it.

Floral_SM's picture

Reading your reply I wonder if my DH has a bit of it too. He is forever wanting to do everything at the same time, then burns himself out. He dropped out of high school, yet had the intelligence to succeed and go far if he stuck to it. 

tog redux's picture

Yep. My DH did graduate, but he did an extra year. He said teachers would have him tutor other students when he himself had a D in the class - he knew the material but wouldn't do the homework.

Now he's messy, disorganized, forgetful - but has "hyperfocus", which means once he gets into a task, he focuses intently on it - which helps at work.

yougotthis's picture

This sounds exactly like my SS 12. He was diagnosed ADHD and has a learning disabilty. He's very smart though, he just learns in a different way than most. He's also very aggressive and I'm not sure that's just an ADHD thing, I think my SS has a lot more issues going on than just ADHD. He's also quite socially akward. He blurts things out and is so rude and doesn't care what anyone thinks, which can be a good thing and a very bad thing.

Medication has helped him tremendously. 

We also have a horrible excuse for a BM, who could care less about his education. He has no consequences there for anything he does. It's hard dealing with this kind of thing when the other parents is totally uncooperative, with the school as well. They tell us he's a completely different kid on her week (way more aggressive and aggiated) He tells them he'd rather live with her tho....ya cause there's 0 rules.

Floral_SM's picture

This sounds so similar to what we are dealing with. SS is the same and can lash out. I sometimes forget he is only 8, his maturity in how he speaks is advanced for his age. Im glad to hear medication worked wonders, it gives me hope we may have finally found a way to help SS.

yougotthis's picture

Yes I always have to remind myself that his maturity is behind others his age due to his ADHD. 

tog redux's picture

Medication is a godsend for kids with ADHD. It gives them a chance to do well in school, stop being the bad kid who is always in trouble, and decreases their risk of future drug use and other things related to impulsivity.  I hope your DH will agree if it's offered.

Floral_SM's picture

He is a man of science my husband, so I'm sure he will accept the medication path. Apparently Toxic BM attended a teacher/parent interview to be told the same thing about SS. Either she forgot to attend, or is leaving it up to DH to sort out as DH hasn't received any message from her about it. Typical. 

thinker's picture

Yes to what the others have said.  I have personal experience with this situation ("twice exceptional" with ADHD - gifted to profoundly gifted in math, plus ADHD).  I can't imagine life without medication anymore.  It makes that big of a difference.If one coparent has ADHD and the other does not, you have a very big challenge on your hands, but it is surmountable, if the "higher functioning" parent is highly motivated and very patient.  My advice here is learn everything you can, do and model everything you can correctly at your own house, and have faith that over time, the positive parenting you do will make a difference.  Try to get an IEP or 504 at school as soon as possible.  It's super annoying for a gifted kid with ADHD to be labled as "slow" or a bad student. You have to advocate for the kid at school.  Honestly, the hardest thing about the whole situation is dealing with the other parent, who clearly also has untreated ADHD and makes terrible parenting decisions over and over again.  You have to learn to do your best with things in your power to control, and then leave it to a higher power.  

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

I am pleased the teacher let him do another activity on that occasion. 

I would love to know which maths he enjoys as he is clearly intelligent and might be gifted!

i do sympathise a bit with maths because I had to learn one way at school, and then another way when my kids went to school. Even though both ways led to the correct answer thereby in my head both correct- I was told by the teachers that my way was incorrect (just lol). I had to teach the kids ‘the schools way’.