Trying to cope with teenage stepchildren
I am very happy that this site exists to help stepparents vent about their stepkids and this is my first blog entry so here goes... I have known my stepchildren for 8+ years now and overall they are pretty good although they are going through a time of testing boundaries with my husband and I. I do try to talk with them about school, friends, and their lives and they are pretty open with me however I get really upset when they break house rules or if they act disrespectful. My stepson is 18 and now thinks that he can do whatever he wants in our house (our=hubby and I). I stayed home sick from work today and I came up to my home (we share a 2 family w/my mom) from visiting with my mom and I found my stepson's buddy in his room. He said "I hope it is okay that I am here". I am soooo mad I could spit right now. I have nicknamed my stepson’s friend “Eddie Haskell” since he is so nice to my face but behind my back he is pulling all sorts of crap. My stepdaughter is 16 and has been throwing up at night for the past 3-4 months (bulemic) and I confronted her about it last week. She sorta admitted that she is doing it and agreed to go for therapy. One day later she claimed that she does not need the therapy and is doing better (but I don’t believe it). The real mom is off in her own lala land of going to school to become a doctor – she has abandoned the kids in my opinion. My husband has been dealing with this stuff in bits and pieces, he mainly deals with the son and I deal a little bit more with the daughter. They were both sent to boarding school by their mother last year but for this school year they have been living with us. Just recently I came to the realization that I cannot be their friend but that I need to be more of a parent to them. I do feel like I am between a rock and a hard place since I am not their real mom and I do try to get my husband to discipline them when necessary. You see, my husband is pretty laid back and I am more of the taskmaster in our home. My husband is getting it slowly that he needs to police the kids more than he has in the past. I am constantly questioning my decisions about how to get them to respect our house rules and each other. Most of my friends do not have children so I feel alone sometimes. And then I found this site where some of my decisions have been reaffirmed (thank god). So thanks for reading about some of my recent family stresses.