Somewhat OT: DH is leaving
I'm not 100% sure what the purpose of this blog is except that I need to vent, think some things through on "paper", and I feel really vulnerable and could use some support.
Long story not-so-short, DH told me last week that he had signed a lease on an apartment and will be moving out of our home this week. I'm not super surprised. He's been increasingly crititcal of every single thing that I do over the past year or so. Nothing ever seems to make him happy (this doesn't just apply to our relationship) and instead of dealing with what I believe is the root of his unhappiness, he's decided that not living with me anymore is what he needs.
Three years ago I discovered an affair. At that time, I gave him the choice of breaking things off with her and staying with me, or moving forward with a divorce immediately. He chose me, and I worked my ass off to forgive him. This has included countless hours of therapy and self-reflection to ensure that I really did forgive him and never gave into the temtpation to punish him. It was SO EFFING HARD. But I'm proud of myself and honestly even with this outcome, I am glad that I can truthfully look my daughter in the eyes and tell her that I did everything I could to keep our family together. Through all of that, I continually improved myself as a wife. Being as objective and self-critical as I can, I don't know anyone who has been a better partner than I've been to him. I've taken care of his children since they were 2 and 4. I've supported him through career changes. I've helped him start and run the businesses that were *his* dream, and they've been successful because of my involvement.
The truth is that he is a workaholic to the point that it is detrimental to every single aspect of his life aside from work. He has driven himself and our relationship into the dust, all in the name of being successful. It's worked. Our businesses are flourishing and we've made more money in the last four years than we could have ever imagined. But, it's cost us our relationship and destroyed our family. I think he would say that the trade-off is worth it because all he cares about is being successful and making money. I personally don't believe that it is, and I certainly don't believe that our daughter would agree. If I could go back in time knowing what I know now, I would do everything in my power to dissuade him from starting our businesses. The money, the trips, the cars, the house, and all the other stuff that we've acquired just seems completely worthless weighed against the fact that my daughter is going to grow up in a split household.
The shitty thing is that even though I KNOW he's a terrible husband, I do still love him. I also believe that it would be best for my daughter to grow up in an intact family so long as we aren't hostile or disrespectful towards each other (which we never have been). But since I have no choice in the matter, all I can do is try to keep things civil and peaceful as possible for DD6. Any and all advice is welcome. Practical, emotional, legal, how to not turn into a bat-shit-crazy BM... *ROFL*