PLEASE HELP ME TO DEAL!!!!
My 15 SD is moving in due to her mother no longer wanting her there. very disobedient...very disrespectful..
I had a terrible experience with her over the summer. I have 3 kids and im pregnant and my husband is telling me if i dont want his daughter here then he will get his own place...im crying on the inside bc i dont want to lose my husband or take him away from our kids. I feel i have no choice in this matter. i almost gave up and told him to just get his own place but i will miss him too much. I am going to fall in a depression over this. I cant imagine her living here with us. my house is already ful land now i have to see her everyday. i feel like this was a stunt by her to get her way. she probably behaved so badly to the point her mother didnt want her there. my husband is saying i can discipline her but DAMN!!!!, I dont want to go through this ...i dont know how this will end. i feel she will end up tearing my marriage apart. I dont know what to do. Im hating i allowed myself to marry someone who has kids. In my head I think, do I lose my husband and allow my kids to grow up without their dad or do I suck it up and deal with his daughter....
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I fear that afer I have my
I fear that afer I have my baby, I will fall back to alcohol to suppress my feelings. This is not what I wanted. I don't want to die due to alcohism but I don't know how to cope with this....at all. I was told to pray about it but I am not sure paraying will help me. I haate my life more than anything right now. Meeting this person was the biggest mistake of my life. I was 15 and he was 30. My mom tried to keep me away from him but I was disobedient and just didn't listen. He didn't care about my future why does he care about his daughter's . Deep down inside I wish he was locked up for talking to me when I was 15, that way I would have no option but to move on with my live my life. But, look at me now...I have 3 kids, Im pregnant with baby #4 and I have 2 choices...to either struggle and raise 4 kids on my own or deal with his kids. I'm not going to lie, if I had a way to maintain on my own, I would rather suffer he heartache then being forced to have his daughter live with me. He knows it will be hard for me . I am so upset that I allowed myself to become so overwhelmed that I cant EVEN SUPPORT MY FAMILY WITHOUT THE HELP OF SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!! IM A FAILURE ...IM A MISTAKE OF A HUMAN BEING....I GUESS THIS IS KARMA FOR ME BEING DISOBEDIENT AS A TEEN. although I was never disrepectful to my parents. I was determined to be with a grown man who is currently ruining my life. As I type this, I think about my kids. Do I let their dad leave and they miss out on having a father around or do I suffer eomotionally and endng becoming an alcoholic who doesnt know how to cope with this situation. I dont drink currently but I when his other child 16, moved in with us a few years ago, I drank so much. His kids have an agenda to break us up. I know it. They are secretly jealous of my kids. I dont fully trust them aound my kids. Welp. I guess I will log off now. He is headed to go pick up his daughter who I cant stand trememdously and Im trying to be a bigger person and acknowledge what lies ahead for me
Please if you are reading this. Please pray for me and my sanity
my spidey senses tell me
my spidey senses tell me troll. why do you need to dicipline her? just treat her like a little sister. laugh at her screw ups. teach her to try yummy new foods. compliment her fashion, hair, nails. Laugh loudly at her jokes even if they fall flat. roll your eyes and leave the room when shes being a jerk. let her know you want her to be safe. try to love the part of her that is from her dad. be like a big sis. not a mom.
not a troll unfortunately. i
not a troll unfortunately. i wish this was fake. but this is the life i find myself stuck. i guess i vented too much. i feel worse now that you take my issue as a joke. its not as simple as you are sugegsting. Also, I dont want to do the things you are telling me to do at this point. I tried that this summer, when she came to visit
Tell him to get an apartment.
Tell him to get an apartment. Her own mother can’t stand her so why should you? If she doesn’t respect the bio who brought her into this world, then why would she treat any other adult any better? It’s unrealistic to think it will work out. He’s just trying to play hero and wreck havoc on your house and kids to prove to BM he is better. Nope. Send him away, wish him good luck and allow him to pop over for dinner once a week. Date your husband. (In all honestly he’s just bluffing and even if he’s not then it’s sick he’d throw y’all’s family under the bus for one unruly teen-do you want to be married to that anyway?)
no, i dont want to be married
no, i dont want to be married to someone like that. but, he knows i need him here to watch the kids in order for me to work. i have 2 kids in school, one who is 1y and a baby due in 6 weeks. I feel stuck. im trying to find the best option for myself so I can maintain on my own.
I have made up my mind but I
I have made up my mind but I am not sure where to start. It's sad he would throw away 4 kids and a wife to please one disobedient teenager, but I am sure his family is telling him to not turn his back on his daughter and to just leave me since I dont want to compromise. I own my own home but I have never lived on my own. I have a fear of failing to provide and struggling. This is what scares me the most. I have't told him what I am thinking about doing(which is kicking him out, if his daughter has to stay here). I have towait until my finances are in order, I need to think about who will watch my kids while I work, I feel overwhelmed and also hopeless.
You live in Illinois. There
You live in Illinois. There are plenty of options for assisted daycare by the state. There are educational programs to help advance your earning potential.
I'm curious as to how you currently own your own house and can simply just kick him out.... you got together with him when you where 15yrs old. Not many teens own their own home going into a marriage. do you mean you and he now own your current home?
and as long as I'm being nosy, how much older are you than your SSs and SD? You mentioned in your first forum posting this last summer that when SD came this summer it was first time in four years. So she was 11ish the visit before this last. That's a long time for a father not to see his kids.
You also mentioned that you and he called it quits for three days this last summer. Was it him or you that moved out then? Not that it matters, as who gets what will be divorce lawyer stuff , but if he is still paying child support for the one older (15yr old) daughter and now possibly his four children with you, I really hope the guy has an excellent paying job to be putting put out all that child support and stomping his foot about getting an apartment with his older children if you don't cave.
I Always Love When
BMs don't parent then can't stand to be around the non-parented monster they created. they spend years and years withholding visitation from biodad and PASing them then are all too eager to dump them off when everything backfires.