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Anyone out there that can give me some advice about

fed up step mom's picture

what works for custody schedules? I have a ss and sd that do a 2-2-5. We always have them Monday and Tuesday, BM always has them Wedensday and Thursdays and we switch every weekend. The kids are 12 and 14. Lately I have noticed that it is very stressful for them to pick up all their stuff and move houses mid week. I tried to suggest every other week with the switch day being Friday of Sunday. The BM won't have it. (I think more because I want it) not that it won't work. The only problem I am having is getting the holidays to switch parents every other year. Does anyone do this schedule and how do you make it work? The BM won't go for it unless I can prove it will work out for the holidays.

The reason this is even an issue right now is because my DH and I just found out that the BM has planned a 3 week vacation to Europe in September without her children. We share custody 50/50. But she seems to think that her leaving for three weeks to baptize her two new babies (twins) with her new husband without her other children is ok. And we are just supposed to write that child support check for that month and take care of the kids. I'm livid not to mention how much drama this causes for my SD and SS. She has done this before at Christmas 2 years ago she left for 2 weeks and the kids were a WRECK. So we trying to find a way to stop this from happening and we thought that a week to week schedule might help us during that time. If she could get her family to take care of them for a week. But she said no. Does anyone have any advice I am really going crazy about this I told my DH to take her back to court and get more custody! I am so sick of this woman. She is so detached from her childrens feelings but yet calling all the shots. Please help.


Cindy's picture

but it's documented in the divorce. I see the point you have but for me personally it works. The kids don't do well when away from either parent for more than 5 days at a time. I agree the kids have a hard time moving from home to home so I just try to make a mental note of the stuff they need to bring back and forth and get them prepared the night before. As far as the 3 week vacation, for us anyway, BM would have expected us to watch kids before and pay CS but it does say in the divorce that both parents need to give the other notice of such vacations and CS can be reclaimed if custody is more than 5 days at a time. It's a lot of hassle to enforce rigidly. BM used to always expect us to pick up her slack and in a way I can understand this to a degree, the kids are my DH's too after all, but ultimately i need that time in between to recharge my batteries. I cater once in a while to BM but I don't make a habit of it. Her parents now fill in for her where possible or we switch days informally.

Anne 8102's picture

Yeah, I know... IF ONLY! Somehow I get the feeling that any ideas you come up with will ultimately be shot down. She's put the onus on YOU to find a solution, so you're jumping through hoops trying to find a way to make it work while she's doing nothing to resolve the issue. Then you'll come up with ideas and she'll find reasons to poo-poo them all. (That's if she's anything like my skids' BM.) But I know, you still have to go through the exercise. I wish I had some advice for you. Let us know what happens.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

fed up step mom's picture

Well thank you everyone who wrote back. I can't tell you the deep breath I take when I hear back from step mom's that are going through the same crap. I really feel alone sometimes and my husband thinks I am crazy and all I care about is the money or the SCHEDULE. His argument is these are his children he wants them anytime he can get them. Mine is I went into this relationship knowing that he had 50/50 custody set up. So that means we have a schedule and CS set up accordingly.When the bm does this crap she knows what it does to our household and I think enjoys it and waits for it to come apart at the seams.(as it has so many times) So far my DH and I have always found a way out of the madness but sometimes I just want to give up.

Regarding the latest crap. My DH called BM on Friday and had a 45 minute yelling match with BM. He told her we will have the kids the entire three weeks while she is gone. We will not be handing off to her family at anytime because it is not our job to do this. (They don't like us anyway,it will just cause more conflict) And she will not be getting her CS while she is on vacation. (she really threw a fit about that) Lastly my DH told her that we are switching to a week to week schedule. If she can leave her kids for three weeks at a time she can handle a week. She fought but eventually gave up. We will see I know she will come back with something else.

Then we get the kids after school and they are fully informed of emails and conversations regarding us not wanting them and taking her money and the whole thing. So they were a wreck and blaming us for all of it and I lost it. I tried to stay as respectful as I could but I refuse to be the bad guy this time. I can't say all that I said (this is long enough already) but we (me,my DH and step kids) all ended up crying and loving each other more. Let's see how long it lasts. Their BM is hard at work at turning her children against us both. Even their own Father. She makes me sick.

But she wins she gets her vacation and I get kids for three weeks and did I mention that my DH and I are trying to get pregnant. Oh what fun it is. Thanks for the help but I need more don't ya think? Smile