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I tried...Do you expect me to be a begging dog???

Evil stepmonster's picture

When my husband and I got married in 2012 I tried my best with his children. I wanted to like them and wanted them to like me so much. And for a while I really felt like our blended family was a happy one. My kids and his kids got along great together, we had family day at the beach or park and for about a minute seemed like some ABC Family movie about coming together with love and understanding.
Then..it all turned to hell in a handbasket.
The kids BM's get CSupport, alot of it. They have their own things at our house, granted it's not alot of stuff but we got what we could with what we had.
He helps with their school supplies, but she began refusing the help after he said I'm not giving you cash, tell me what they need and I will go get it and give it to you. I made sure the receit never made it to her hands and the tags stayed with us.
After that, the skids became mean. Every time they would come over they would break something of my kids. Or start physical fights with my kids. Some of the things they destroyed were collectables (BS14 loves star wars) that are not easily replaced. I had enough of it, and told SO if he did not put a stop to it I would pad locking my kids doors, packig them up and staying with family or friends on the weekends his children were with him. After they learned it would not be tolerated any longer, they began destroying our house. Holes in the walls, broken windows, mirrors. Somethings my kids had made me in school were broken.
One of them went out side, grabbed some dog poop and put it in between two books on our bookshelf. The only girl who should have been potty trained a while ago would go put on a pull up, pee in it a few times and then hide the dirty pull up in my kids rooms. Took us a while to figure out where the hell that horrible smell was coming from. Once I found the pull ups, and the poop I went snap, crackle, and pop. Put them all in a corner, turned off the tv and waited for their dad to get home. Once he did I explained it all. The worst part was I really couldn't figure out how these sweet little darlings could have turned so mean so fast. It was just a few months ago that we were one big happy brady bunch.
He sat down, brought them all over and asked them about what I had said. They looked at me then looked at him and all bold faced lied.
SS I tried to so hard to be a good girl but Stepmonster is just so mean to me.
SS7 Yeah dad, she I don't want to be any more as long as stepmonster is here. Take me home now.
SS9 I don't really remember what happened. I was just watching tv and she got mad for no reason.
SS12, Yeah; no.
At this point he was looking at me as if I was mommy dearest, I was almost balling. Not just because these three were accusing me, but I could see it in his eyes that he was believing them over me. That he really believed I would make up these stories just to see his kids in trouble, but then SS12 coudn't go through with it. That's why he said no.
SS12 Dad, we haven't been acting good for stepmonster, and he told the truth.
Here we are, a year later and not much has changed with SD, SS9, and SS12 has had some bad moments with BS9. I don't find myself as willing to be close with them any more. Infact, I avoid them as much as possible. They still come over and attempt to destroy things, they are still very disrespectful and mean to me, my kids, and their dad.
My SO often tells me it hurts him that I don't make attempts to bond with his children. My response is always the same, "I tried, for over a year I did everything I could to bond with them. And every effort I made was met with a slap in the face. So I'm done trying to be close to them. I'm done trying to bond."
I hate that it makes him so angry but what can I do. How far is someone supposed to go before they just say screw it? I know they are just kids, but there are limits that can be reached when dealing with kids and I have reached mine. I use to feel horrible about that, but not so much any more. I now feel like a weight has been lifted.

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

"At this point he was looking at me as if I was mommy dearest, I was almost balling. Not just because these three were accusing me, but I could see it in his eyes that he was believing them over me. That he really believed I would make up these stories just to see his kids in trouble, but then SS12 coudn't go through with it. That's why he said no"

Went through this as well. And he had actual PROOF right from his own children's mouths that they were LYING TO PLEASE THEIR MOTHER when the fake CPS report was launched. But yet he would believe them over me? Pul-EEZE!

It's ALWAYS SM's FAULT!

DaizyDuke's picture

I feel so bad for YOUR kids. Please tell me that you DID padlock their doors and that you DO pack them up and leave when skids come over. Where in the world would a 5 year old even get the notion to do that with a pull up? Was she/he coerced by older skids? BM? WTF?

Evil stepmonster's picture

I did padlock their doors, and they went to their dads house everytime his kids would come over. I also made sure he knew that I would not be a baby sitter for him any more. If he was going to work that weekend then the kids need to stay home with their BM

Evil stepmonster's picture

No, probably not. He and I have talked about this alot over the last year. He doesn't like my stand, but there isn't another way around it.

Evil stepmonster's picture

This happened the first summer they came to stay with us all summer. The summer possesion didn't happen this year. He has gotten tightened up on discipline. His kids are not allowed in my kids rooms or allowed to touch anything that doesn't belong to them. It's just he is still wanting me to try to have a deep relationship with his kids, and I just don't see it every happening cause I can't stand the way they act.
My kids aren't being brutalized, his tried...but my kids are very head strong and have no problems standing up for themselves. It is maining the SD who tries to hit my kids. She feels since she is the only girl she has rights to do what ever she wants and every one needs to cater to her. Well, not my boys!! I have explained to him that I did raise my boys right. No hitting girls, unless the girl won't stop hitting you. Then you have every right to defend your self against her.

Wah-wah-11's picture

Those looks are ALL to familiar. They always believe the kids even when there is proof they are lying... It gets better then worse but mostly worse.

oneoffour's picture

One thing to make it clear to your DH is to say "Look, if a dog kept biting you everytime you patted it wold you keep trying to pat it? I would love to have a good relationship with your kids. I am a kid person. But your kids don't want to be close to me. Name me one thing they have done for me without encouragement that you would say is a kind thought or deed. This is not about my kids vs your kids. When was the last time they did anything that said "We are sorry. We were wrong"? I am sure they feel that by liking me they are betraying their mother but that isn't my problem. You chose to marry me. They are your kids. So it is up to you to make this work. However I will never allow this situation to harm my children any longer. One more broken item or assault and we are gone. Then your kids will get exactly what they want ... Dad all to themselves. Sadly, your happiness is not important to them.Or maybe they think you and their mother will get back together. Don't you think just maybe they have been told who is blocking you getting back with your ex? Think about it."

Evil stepmonster's picture

We have had the talk about when she gets older. She's already saying she's a pretty pretty princess and deserves what ever she wants. (The mothers influence no doubt) I've told him she may be your princess, but I am your queen. The queen has final say on what goes where and who gets what. If he doesn't like it he can get his own bank account and we'll keep it all seperate.

Evil stepmonster's picture

I agree completely. I've also had to remind him several times when one of my sons gets tired of her shit and pops her back that nope, they will not get introuble because they asked her several times to stop smacking them. He always answers with but she's a girl, and I always answer that with yes but in order to be treated like a lady one must first act like a lady. That shuts him up. lol