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Just ranting

EveryoneLies's picture

I created a new account just because I realized I have used the same username while still dating DH. Althought I don't think he's ever been on his way to spy on me or anything I just don't feel comfy using the same username again. So, I'm not new here.

Background: SS11 is HFA (high functioning autistic) + ADHD, arguing is our daily dish that I don't enjoy.

SS was last minute shipped to his mom for the spring break so I was able to have a short break. I feel completely blank when SS cried about not wanting to go to his mom. Well, I get it, mom's hard to deal with, but so are you bro. It was really great when SS is not around. We were actually able to get things done.

But anyway, he's now back, for 3 days, and all the same shit is happening again. Not putting in effort in his hw, expecting everyone to work for him, serve him food, holding hands over his hw, and "reminding him what to do because he's forgetful." I get that pepole on the spectrum is challenged when it comes to executive functioning, but i really think this is too much entitlement, when the routine and rules have not changed for years. We have been doing the same thing, same routine, 4 days a week, for the past 2 years.

I'm so sick of this, (we all) clean up after the kid and get no thanks (because he will not notice). Asking him to clean after himself you'll have to endure his complaining and mumbling. Every small injury (like a paper cut) results in high-pitch screaming and a ransacked first-aid drawer. Whenever there's a problem (him can't find his stuff or him doesn't know how to do his hw) he just sits there and yells for help without trying anything himself. If you ask him to double check his work he will just look at his work blankly for 5 minutes and then tell you he's done all, they are all correct (RIGHT, except they aren't). Did I say he's almost 12? I'm not sure how he's going to be able to live his life on his own just based on what I see.

As much as I understand how people on the spectrum function, seriously, how do you expect others around them to react, when they constantly choose to do things that others have already very clearly told them many times not to? Is the "I am forgetful" even a legit excuse???? 

I sound evil but I don't care. Living with my SS is simply not enjoyable. 

DH is taking on most o the disciplines, but that means a lot of screaming between the father and son. I do love my DH and leaving is not an option I am considering.  I'm just really annoyed by all these (because it happens everyday) and it seems like it will never end. 



Harry's picture

Nothing is going to change for the good.  SS has a Mother and Father, you are not one of them. You have to make BM take on more of his care responsibility.  You have to make DH do his responsibility.  You have to disengage as much as possible,

You have to make plans for the future,  This kid will never be able to live on his own. So face the fact that either. SS is going to live with BM, or You or a group home.  If the group home is going to be where he is going  be in the future. Piut him in the group home now and get a life for yourself. ask the QUESTION.  IF you leave the marriage what is going to happen to SS?   What ever is going to happen then, make it happen now

tog redux's picture

You don't sound evil, you sound like a saint for living with that. I'd move out and stay married until he was out of the house.