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OT- New Style Fundraising

ESMOD's picture

Is it just me, or is anyone else getting a bit put off by all the "gofundme" fundraisers or requests for other people to pay for stuff.

I have actually contributed to a few... but I kind of resent the fact that this kind of think seems to be pretty one way with little "thanks" from the recipient.

Like.. the guy that we donated to that was injured at his own engine repair business and was going to be out of work for a while. We donated a sizable amount.. never a thank you from him.

Just saw on FB a woman wanting to know where she could get money to get surgery for a tumor removal from her dog..

It just seems like every time I turn around,I see people asking for help when they should probably been a little better prepared in advance.

Like the lady that comes on our local FB page to occasionally ask for food or where she can get donations to "feed her kids" because it's not foodstamp renewal time. So.. go to her FB page (which she obviously is maintaining and accessing on her smart phone/tablet/computer) and of course her nails and hair appear to be professionally maintained (color and extension tips).. she has tattoos and pics of her (very recently) in a party mode. So... maybe you could eat those tattoos?

Maybe it's just sour grapes because I don't have the nerve to ask friends and family to give us money even though my DH was out of work for a year and we had significant medical bills.

I just sucked it up and took money out of my 401K and paid for it myself.. and no Christmas or birthday presents etc.. definitely tightened belts. and... credit cards are not at levels I am comfortable with.. Now he is back to work and we hope to get back on track.. but still.. I just would have been too embarrassed to ask for money... why do others not feel that way? I just don't get it.

I understand that there are crappy things that happen.. but so many of the requests seem like they could have been planned for... but obviously weren't

Comments

agitated's picture

I agree. I just seen someone create a gofundme account to help pay for their child's braces. I was shocked! One of my 2 kids need braces at a cost of $4500 out of pocket. There is a $500 down payment and then $140 per month until paid off. I had to push off getting them until the start of next year (January) so I could plan and save, plus my HSA will be replenished. It's still going to be tight, especially since I haven't received a dime in child support since January 4, 2017, but I'll make it work. I would NEVER ask "friends" or family for money.

notsobad's picture

Gofundme is public begging IMO

The shame is removed. You can some what anonymously tell your story, lost job, loved one died, cancer, or some other painful event. You can plead your case and you don't have to look into the face of the person giving you the money.

Take a look at that person holding a cardboard sign that says "Anything helps". They are ashamed to be in that position.

strugglingSM's picture

I think they've made it way too easy to raise money and I've seen so many that seem to cross the line. Would these same people go around town and ask everyone to give the $5 to cover some of these expenses?

My DH organized one for his apprentice at work who was paralyzed in a non-work accident and will likely never work in his profession again. They're part of a union and they usually pass the hat around at meetings for an injured or sick colleague, so he thought it was a logical extension. Turned out very few work colleagues gave, but the man's friends and family were extremely grateful to DH and they shared the page and raised a lot of money for him.

I've also seen one for a friend's brother who lost his entire home in the wildfires in California.

For those, I can see the need for a gofundme.

But, when I see gofundme pages to cover a trip around the world or medical care for pets or tuition for school, then I draw the line. I agree with you that people need to plan for these things and make adjustments when necessary.

fairyo's picture

I agree that these things can be annoying, but there is no reason why you can't block them or simply scroll down and ignore them. I usually give a small amount if I feel it is genuine and for a good cause. Recently I gave quite a lot to someone who had to pay medical bills. Although I don't regret it- I haven't given any more, even though this person is constantly asking for money for the orphaned children he cares for- and he is genuine.
For the feckless, however, who haven't been very sensible and seem to spend money on silly things, I give nothing. Like you, my life has not been easy and I had to do without lots of things to clothe my kids etc. I live a pretty pared back life myself- but I give regular amounts to charity, which means I don't feel bad about turning people down. Just block or scroll.

secret's picture

The only gofundme I ever contributed to was for a friend of mine, started by another friend of mine.

Him and his fiancee had been together about 8 years, recently engaged... had a 6 year old boy who was autistic...

She just didn't wake up one morning. She was 33 years old. No drugs, no illnesses, nothing... her heart just gave out.

That gofundme accumulated about 25k in about 4 days.

No offense to anyone, but it's really none of my concern if your (you/your being a stranger) cat needs an operation you can't afford, or whether you can't afford medication, or need to feed your kids... I have my own issues to worry about, and you don't see me unashamedly asking for handouts. I suppose if something was genuine, and actually made a difference in my life, I might consider it... but I don't think I'd give to anyone who wasn't friend or family, and wasn't genuinely in need.

moving_on_again's picture

My BIL's niece was asking money for IFV BUT supposedly she is too sick to work. Uh, no, then you shouldn't be having a baby. Oh, and her mom takes her on a big FL vacation every year, we are in the midwest.

queensway's picture

I seem to get these all the time. I don't know maybe it is a new thing. I do give to friends that need help for medical expenses for themselves. But I got one a month ago from a son of a friend of mine. He lost his job and started a gofundme. UMMM maybe get a new job? Its not like he couldn't find one or been looking for a long time. I passed on that one.

DaniAM73's picture

I too would never ask friends or family for money.
I think in some cases of the "GoFundMe, for SOME not all, it is about not having to come up with a solution.

I remember back in 2003 (pre GoFundMe days) a co-worker's home was broken into and all her electronics were stolen out of the home. They passed around an envelope so we could make a donation for the items to be replaced. They raised a total of $0.00 and rightfully so.

Like yourself when things come up and extra money is needed, 401K is always a solution for our household.

We are living in an instant gratification world now. I guess some of those GoFundMe request they want it and they want it now.

secret's picture

see there were floods in our area recently... they were pretty bad, considering we never get floods.... we're just not in a flood zone.

Anyway, someone we work with lost his home and pretty much everything in it. Everything was damaged beyond repair. He was off work for a few weeks.

During his absence, the social committee sent a department wide email explaining the situation - they didn't request donations, but they stated they would be accepting donations from anyone who felt inclined, and would provide any monies raised to him as a way to start re-building.

DaniAM73's picture

Now that I can respect. He lost everything. I would definitely contribute to something like that.

lieutenant_dad's picture

I have given to a local group I had volunteered for that was basically looking for petty cash for activities they do with youth. I gave because I couldn't volunteer anymore, but knew exactly why they were asking. They only asked through their Facebook page, and it really was the easiest way for them to get donations since they served a several-county region.

When a good friend's mom died literally a month before her life insurance kicked in, I gave money, though not through the fundraising site they used because his sister was managing it and I didn't trust that the money would get used appropriately. My friend's dad had one of the cheapest funeral packages because it was what he could afford and it still was expensive, so I gave directly to his dad.

Both of those situations, as well as house fires, major car accidents, or other horrific events, are the few times that I will give through those sites. They are useful then. However, I see too many set up now for non-emergency medical bills, honeymoons, or straight-up support.

That sister I mentioned? Her SIL CONSTANTLY creates GFM pages. She had one set up for a while because she was creating a video game and couldn't work, but needed money for living expenses. She turned to her "fans" (she had a web comic and had been a cam girl) to donate. The sister shared those GFM pages constantly and supported her doing this. It left such a bad taste in my mouth that I didn't confident in donating to the GFM page for her mother because I wasn't sure the money would get to her father for the expenses.

These sites CAN be great for those really terrible events that, even with planning and preparation, are life-crushing OR small groups that are trying to make an impact on their community. I'll donate to that, but if you send me your honeymoon fund to a wedding I'm not invited to or ask me to supplement your income so you can pursue your "passion" full-time, you're SOL with me.

notasm3's picture

A long time friend posts her daughter's go fund me page every single day. It's for surgery for the dog the daughter and her SO have. It infuriates me. The daughter and the SO both have professional well paying jobs, live in a very low cost of living state and have no school loans. They are in their early 30s- no kids. I think it's about $2000 they are trying to raise.

I spent over $6000 on vet bills a couple of years ago. Dh and I are retired with a fairly modest fixed income. Did we have to make sacrifices to pay those bills - hell yes.

The mother who keeps posting this is married - no kids at home. She and her DH have a paid for home and both have extremely well paying jobs. She could pay for that surgery herself in a nanosecond if she's too worried her little snowflake might have to give up one of many little weekend vacations to pay a vet bill.

ESMOD's picture

So.. you see what I mean?

In the past 5 years my DH and I have had the following financial problems

1. Put out of business by the state which forced the sale of his business assets at little to no recovery.. only in business 3 years so basically he earned "nothing" for three years.
2. Fire at a boat yard that damaged his prior business boat. 3 years of fighting insurance company to have them finally pay enough to pay off boat (which Ins co took) and we spent over 100K on legal fees.. more than 30K on storage fees and another several thousand on "experts". Plus interest on the loan for 3 years on something we couldn't use.
3. Hurricane damage to a 2nd home literally the week we put it on the market. Over a year later and of course a fight with insurance for claim funds and we are just now selling it.. which cost us almost 15K in interest, taxes and insurance for keeping the house an additional year.
4. TWO cancer diagnosis in the past year for my DH. Not only the cost of treatment though some was insured.. but DH didn't work for the past year. (partly because he bought his old cruise boat back to refurbish.. but that wasn't progressing well.. so he was going back to work in July which is how we found the 2nd cancer).

Along the way, I have had several dental things like crowns and one redo of a root canal due to shoddy prior work.. so thousands on THAT too.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have a good job. I won't say I am "lucky" to have it because honestly, I worked very hard to get the degrees and successive jobs to get where I am. I could be of doing something more "fun" for less money.. but this job has meant that even with all the above going on.. we have managed to survive even if it meant my credit cards are much higher than I wish they were. My DH did work during some of that time too.. but his pay pretty much just went to fighting the insurance company and other fees.. And... we haven't been totally misers. We have taken a few trips here and there.. so not all was because of misfortune..lol.

I guess I figure I have plenty of gofundme reasons but I just can't see my way clear to ask for money. lol

notasm3's picture

May your future days be brighter! I went through a horrible time 30 years ago. Lost my great job, my mother got cancer, and a whole list of other stuff that ended up with me living in a crummy apartment making 1/3 of what I'd made before with a huge amount of debt. It was horrible.

I ended up being able to retire early and now own two homes. Yes our income is rather modest, but we have no debt and live in a fairly low cost area. I worked really hard to get there. I did it before I met DH so it's not like a acquired a husband to bail me out.

Hang in there. It will get better.

ESMOD's picture

In many ways we are blessed. My DH's health issues don't have lingering impacts (beyond some annual costs for checkups).. but he is healthy now without any disability.. and CAN go back to work.

I have a great job... again, not necessarily luck, but I should hopefully be able to retire before 65... and we have a few places paid for.. or close to it.. so we should be able to live on less when we retire.

So, i do have more than most and a good husband that makes it easy to trust living half way across the country lol.

I know it could definitely be worse!

DaizyDuke's picture

SD19 created a GoFundMe last year to pay for her Grandmother's funeral expenses... BEFORE she was even dead. Somehow the GoFundMe managed to get about $1,000.00 (she was asking for $5,000.00)Her and her BM and all the fam damily shared the GoFundMe page about 3,298 times, yet only got $1,000.00. Probably because there aren't many people left in this town (and elsewhere) that these people haven't scammed money off of and never paid back. I'd love to know how that money was used....quite certain it wasn't used for funeral expenses. They probably stiffed the funeral home. Wink

I have only donated to GoFundMes twice. Once for DH's cousin who has a 2 year old battling Neuroblastoma and once for a high school friend of mine who is battling Glioblastoma.

DaizyDuke's picture

I think one of the most ridiculous ones I ever saw was a woman who started one to raise money, because she spent all of her money that was supposed to be for Christmas presents for her kids, on Powerball tickets and didn't win. like WTF? You should have your children taken away... we shouldn't be handing you money!

moving_on_again's picture

I did donate to a classmate that is a police officer when he was shot in the face. I donated so that his family could take time off work to be with him and take care of his affairs. Thankfully, he had a full recovery. His mom's employer, who she had been with for over 30 years, donated $10K.

justkeepstepping's picture

The only Gofundme account I give to are when someone dies or has an out of the blue severe illness or injury.

I've only ever given to 3. Two were for either someone I knew or a close relative of them that had died. One was for donations to help a high school friend of mines severely autistic brother get surgery because he had nearly gone blind due to another illness.

bananaseedo's picture

The only ones I will consider are if they belong to the pet rescue (Weim in my case) I support.

Willow2010's picture

Before Go fund me…people actually paid for …
Vet bills.
Kid bills.
Their own bills.

And even serious things like …
Medical bills.
Their kids medical bills.
Funerals.

I have never given to anyone on there. I don’t trust people these day to NOT be a liar about what they need money for. And I would only ever consider giving to the medical or funeral on a gofundme if I knew someone personally.
My pet charity is ST Jude and it will stay that way.

MoominMama's picture

They don't bother me as I just ignore anythign like that. I don't do instagram or FB.

Blue Moon's picture

LOLOLOL

strugglingSM's picture

I suspect that if the BM in my life could set something like this up anonymously, she would totally do it.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

SD24 set up a gofundme last year asking for 5K. The money was to pay off the hospital bill from giving birth, with a 2K cushion to "do fun things with the kids".

Her SO makes close to 6 figures a year. They drink $$$ beers and wine and eat out a lot. They party Every.Single.Weekend.

Sadly, gofundme has become a joke. The people who truly need help are overwhelmed by lazy, greedy arseholes.

notsobad's picture

A gofundme was set up for funeral expenses of a friend of my nieces. She'd committed suicide and her family was devastated.

The person who set up the gofundme was the wife of the girl who'd killed herself.

She never gave a penny of the over $2K raised to the parents for funeral expenses and when she was questioned about it, she said they treated her horribly and never recognized their marriage. So why should she give them the money?
She took herself on a 2 week Mexican all inclusive vacation to help get over the pain of her loss.

I never gave her any money and personally I think she should be charged with fraud.

Thumper's picture

Oh my goodness that is awful.

Why am I not shocked...I don't think I like NOT being shocked by what happened.

Goes to show ya, some folks have a lot of nerve.

Thumper's picture

Makes me sick in my stomach to read most Fundrazer/go fund me stuff.

POsts I have seen:
HELP our family raise money to become FOSTER PARENTS
Help us raise money to adopt our Foster Children
Help US raise money make our home BIGGER so we can have MOREEEEE Foster children.
(the state gives foster families money per month per child and IF You adopt a child from foster care it is even MORE money--do not be fooled)

Help we are expecting our first baby
Help us pay for IVF
Help Single Mom here of 5 kids, some special needs, we are homeless. **GOOD GRIEF HOW DO YOU AFFORD a phone to post your Gofundme add?**
-----------------------------------------------------
**We did donate to assist funeral expenses directly to the funeral home. I wont hand over money just because someone is asking for it. People get put off when you try to pay directly. It happened to us** So, I lowered our amount**

moving_on_again's picture

I know a lady that just adopted 3 kids from foster care and she now gets less money. And she just found out the mother of the children is pregnant again.

thinkthrice's picture

Well you'll be glad to know that at least in NYS, you can get PAID to eldercare/childcare your own progeny courtesy of the taxpayers. I hear radio ads for it all the time; big promotion. :barf:

moving_on_again's picture

Oh, I'm not in NYS, and this lady adopted non-biological children. I am absolutely fine with her getting state aide for it, too. She did work but it was hard because the kids had so many physical and psychological issues that she missed work a lot. The state paid for the adoption.

thinkthrice's picture

Well its nice to know that people do it out of the goodness of their hearts. But I'm afraid that when state aid enters the arena, many ill-intentioned greedy people come out of the woodwork like the greedy Girhippo.

notasm3's picture

OMG - I just went to look at the details of the gofundme plea for money for dog surgery that my friend keeps posting for her daughter.

It's for a non-malignant growth. My dog has the exact same thing. They are begging for $1200 for what is basically doggie plastic surgery. It is totally a cosmetic thing - not life threatening or that would impede with quality of life. It's basically a fat pad.

And my stupid sister who is quite impoverished gave $20. Makes me ill.

ESMOD's picture

My dog is a yellow lab and has a couple of lipomas on his side. Just had him at the vet on Saturday to get some ear drops and the vet just said.. yep lipomas.. no offer to treat or anything.

My understanding is you only have to remove them if they impede movement.

notasm3's picture

I took my dog in when I first found it (at the urging of my friends who keep him when we travel). The vet said it was nothing to worry about. At his next yearly appointment she again looked at it and said it was not a problem.

thinkthrice's picture

Legalized begging. What's next? http://squeegeeforcash.com ?

As far as the foster parents thing goes, there are some legit foster parents who truly care about the children, but there is a quagmire of greedy people. For example, when the greedy Girhippo was working as a CPS worker, she thought it would be great for extra cash to be a foster parent.

Truly ironic because the Girhippo is probably THE crappiest parent who tries to come off as MOTY that I have ever encountered. Well the kid got into an argument with OSS, at the time 15 or so, and she immediately booted him out. That's what happens when you have ZERO supervision of your spawn.

24 years as a SM's picture

The only Go Fund Me that we donated to was a disabled Vet that his house survived a wildfire last week, but a tree fell on the roof. A crane was needed to remove the tree, his house is paid for free and clear, and he didn't have homeowner's insurance. The local tree service company offered to cut the tree down for free, but they didn't have a crane. Word got spread around through our area and a crane service is coming in to help remove the tree.

The disabled vet wanted to give the monies back to the people that donated, everyone told him to keep the money to help repair the roof. He's has been a pillar of our community for years, has a heart of gold and would do anything to help others, everyone has agreed that it's time that we gave back to him.

momjeans's picture

Yes. Me.

I have a friend on Facebook - well. It’s actaullu a friend of a friend, who created a Go Fund Me a couple months ago for diapers/formula/baby stuff in general. She works, dad works as well. Her little blurb was something along the lines of needing things and not having money. I get that things can be tight, financially, but damn do my jaw drop.