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Has this child been abused?

Elsie's picture

A friend of mine said I might get answers here about my boyfriend's son.

Is it normal for an 11 year old almost 12 to wet the bed regularly. He is definitely not a normal kid. He has ADHD and no friends. He has online friends from gaming chat rooms but no school friends. He acts almost as he could be autistic. He mumbles and stutters and speaks in a monotone and talks to himself a lot but like hes telling himself things or giving himself instructions. He is shy or non social at family get togethers and doesnt make eye contact. He is obsessive or repetitive about certain things. He repeats what others say sometimes. To put it kindly, he's different. He creeps me out a bit. He obsessively plays games on the computer or playstation. He plays all night sometimes. We went away for the weekend and he played on my boyfriend's phone all night in the hotel. It annoying and I didnt sleep. After spending a weekend with him and his 10 year old bratty brother, I dont think I want to take this relationship to the next level. Both of the kids are over sexualized for their age and the 11 year old watches inappropriate videos on YouTube. He also looks at pornographic pictures or videos on the chat line and says well someone sent it to me but he also talks to the people who are sending it and makes comments. His 15 year old sister found it on the family computer and freaked out. She thinks he's disgusting and my boyfriend thinks he's just playing along with the other gamers because it's his only friends. He grounded him from the computer for a week. A WHOLE WEEK!!

Im starting to think this child could have been abused and my boyfriend just thinks he's quirky and immature. The bedwetting, being over sexualized, and he is afraid to go to his mom's house since her boyfriend moved in although the behaviors have been around longer than the boyfriend, but maybe one of mom's old boyfriends or anyone in the family. You never know. He also stuck a battery in a cat's behind when he was too young to really know any better. He would never hurt an animal intentionally. He is kind to animals and people. I dont know his age at the time but is that a sign of sexual abuse to do that to a cat?

All of the kids stay at my boyfriend's every night for months. They wont go back to their mom's at all. She doesnt see them very much but I think she would rather be with her boyfriend and his kids. They registered for school in his district.

Comments

Pedd18's picture

I would take him to the doctors right away and tel them exactly what you said on here. Get professional help! Hope everything works out for you!

ESMOD's picture

The kid is not displaying normal behavior.  Some of it is more odd ...but he should be seen by a professional. 

Now... I would not jump on the abuse train too quickly. Not wanting to go to mom's since the new boyfriend could be explained in that like you... the bf finds him offputting and the boy knows that the bf doesn't like him.

 

justmakingthebest's picture

I agree with the posters above. None of that is normal stuff. I wonder why your BF would rather bury his head in the sand than make sure his son is ok? That alone would make me rethink a relationship.

ITB2012's picture

and he may have a hearing problem, maybe, but that could be learned, too. And there's a chance he has some level of autism from what you describe.

That being said, I thought one of my skids was autistic. Turns out it was just that DH and BM babied the shit out of him and always said "that's just skids-name" when it really was that they were aiding and abetting his behavior. BM had him diagnosed with ADHD, medicated, and getting occupational therapy.

For example, instead of telling him to get a hold of himself and distracting him with something else, BM said she spent two HOURS brushing his arms (an OT thing for calming) and talking to him to get him to calm down after he couldn't find instructions to a Lego kit.

That didn't fly here when I came around. If he started flipping out I told him to just stop and I explained how the situation should have gone and even gave him a "script" of what to say, then I made him try the situation again with those reactions and words.

The over-sexualized stuff is probably because they are not monitored on their electronics. I would be careful before going down the road of sexual abuse. Figure out if it is/isn't other stuff first.