SO being squirrelly, waiting for BM other shoe to drop
My partner and I agreed that he would stop taking them back to their village to play sport on kid weekends during the season. It means a ridiculously early start and an early return to BM meaning his EOWE time with them is curtailed and on BM's home turf.
BM is always trying to control his time with them and it never ends well. She is also determined that they play this sport which she loves and SO doesn't. (OSS is enthusiastic about it and YSS not so much - he's not really a team sport guy - but he participates with sufficient willingness but I doubt he'll stick with it for years and years)
Well, as it happens I used to play myself and love it too. I help coach my son's age group. We have a very good club in our area. OSS's age group coach is awesome. YSS's is fine. I have arranged that they start at MY club this weekend. My reasoning is that I get to have one more family lunch (when they are training and not playing) and that they start to make friends here and they start to feel at home at my club (which I am very proud of and where I intend to host our wedding reception). Yes, their playing will be somewhat disrupted by doing half the time at one club and half at another....
SO has not mentioned this to BM yet. I knew he hadn't but he mentioned to me this morning that he hadn't. I sense trouble ahead. He wanted to know if we had enough kit that he didn't even have to ask BM for any of their kit. (I do have enough of the expensive stuff, I don't have one mandatory piece of equipment, but that's cheap and easy to obtain.)
The CO says he has control of activities on his weekends.
What BM also doesn't know is that I plan to do the same with cricket when that season rolls round - if I can - I don't know anything about cricket and don't have any club connections - though I know people who do.
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Sounds logical to me. In any
Sounds logical to me. In any case, yoiu have the CO to back you up. I also think it's a great idea to get them to feel at home where you live. And if it annoys BM, well that's an added bonus (lol). Win-win!
I do not believe that one
I do not believe that one parent should schedule weekend sports on the other parent's time without first having mutual agreement between both parents. Yes, it get hard as the kids get older and more involved in activities. I'm not unsympatetic to a child going two homes fairly long distance and them wanting to still have normal childhood activities and participation.
With that said, when one parent has such little parenting time (EOWE) with their child/children, it seems that the parenting time should come as the priority . If the child is doing more than one sport that is of short duration (6-12wks), it's unrealistic that the EOWE parent is going to devote their weekend after weekend to driving over to BM town and doing nothing but kids sports.
On the other hand, the child may spend more time sitting on the sidelined bench if, as in this case the OP is presenting, gives fulltime kids the first chances to play. Yes, its great the local team is willing to take in part time team members, but I do question how 'fair' that is to the children in your area who attend ,practice/train and participate each and every week including every weekend.
You are going to be 'ok' if your skids possibly spend part of the day's event sitting on the side while the fulltime kids get the priority of playing? Or do you expect your skids to get field time equal to the full timers? I guess what I'm saying is it fair to the local kids to give up their normal roles on the field to accommodate two kids who only come and participate part time? Sports are about teams, would your SSs be welcomed in and really make friends if the local boys resent being sidelined to allow your skids (who only part time participate) field time?
Maybe it depends on the sport selection? I know when I was a kid and then with my own kids, if the kid didn't attend all practices during the week, the kid didn't get to play during the games on weekends.
This is why I talked to
This is why I talked to coaches first. We do not do week day training at this age. There will be NO sideline sitting. There is either playing (and our club is committed to all kids getting play if they are selected to a match) or training. What the other club does is not my look out, however they will be in violation of our governing body guidelines if he isn't played. I would expect their village club to still be playing them particularly since they know they're training here and I would expect them to be understanding of the split weekends - almost all the coaches I've coached with or against would be. We have kids in our club who only come every other weekend because of family situations - we try to accomodate. My own son only comes 3 Sundays in 4 because of split custody. I only coach 3 Sundays in 4.
We like to win, but our aim at this age (after safety!) to is develop boys and girls into young men and women who have our sport's ethos but not to win ALL the matches.
We have the same issue - BM
We have the same issue - BM has signed SD up for two activities during SO's parenting time. SO doesn't seem to mind, but I personally don't enjoy someone else dictating what I do with my time, especially on weekends. I've stopped attending because SD typically has two games in the same evening. SO didn't get home until 9:30pm this past Sunday. It's absolutely ridiculous.
In our case they're doing the
In our case they're doing the exact same thing because BM and I both are rugby lovers. I'm thrilled to get them down to the club. Frankly SO would probably be happier not going at all. Ha ha. Before she guilted him by saying they needed to do the rugby. Well, they're doing it.