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DH continues to disappoint, guess I have to learn to live with it

Elizabeth's picture

DH honestly gives me no credit, and my head is about to pop off with how little he must actually think of me.

So DH actually got up the nerve to refile taxes after BM claimed SD19 when it was our year (last year). We got a check for $3100, which I opened and which DH openly admitted he didn't intend me to see. More on WHY later.

After refiling state taxes and paying more, we're netting $2500. We NEED one new vehicle, as both of the ones we have are on their last legs with high mileage. We were discussing how much we could afford (we're buying used), and trying to figure out the down payment and so I mentioned the tax money.

DH says, "Well, I was planning to give $1000 of that to SD19 for college." And I'm like, "Why?" We have money put away for SD19's college, and DH already indicated it would be enough for all four years. DH and I began dating when SD was 5 and married when she was 8. DH was in debt but had put some money back for SD's college.

Over the years we continued to contribute to SD's college fund. DH and I even fought because he was putting more away for SD than for our two BDs, reasoning that she needed the money sooner. I disagreed with the uneven amount because we'd already spent more than $20,000 for five years of private school for SD and that was not an option for our two BDs. He had chosen private school for SD, so in my opinion we owe our two BDs that extra $20,000 on top of the normal college funds. But I haven't bothered to broach this topic with DH.

Anyway, in the course of this disagreement DH actually had the nerve to say (and I think he really believes it) that ALL the money he saved up for SD's college was saved by HIM before we married. I didn't contribute a penny to SD's college in DH's mind. Now, he was in debt when we married and it took years to correct that. Without my income, there's no way he could have afforded to send SD to college. And here he is saying I didn't contribute a bit?

I was and still am SO mad, and he is acting completely clueless as to why this should be.


Willow2010's picture

guess I have to learn to live with it

Yes, I think you will have to learn to live with it.

I mean…the man basically told you that he would divorce you if separated finances and stopped paying for him and SD.

If you will put up with that…I assume you will put up with anything. Sorry to be so blunt.

Elizabeth's picture

Willow, I am OK with blunt. I honestly do not know how I got into this situation. I swear DH did not act like this before we married. I sometimes say I feel like he suffered a traumatic brain injury and didn't tell me.

My mom called during the argument and DH tells her I am "in a foul mood." So of course my mom asks me why, and so I tell her, and then DH says I should be telling other people our personal business. He brought it up to my mom!

I can't believe he has modified his memory so significantly that he changes history!

Willow2010's picture

I feel like he suffered a traumatic brain injury and didn't tell me.
LOL...Sorry, but that is kind of funny. Maybe you should disengage a little from your DH...? Sounds like you are miserable. You deserve better.

Most Evil's picture

Oh wow hon, I am sorry. I wish you could dump him so bad!! but I do understand your reasoning.

It is complete BS of course!!