"I can't afford it, but you can, so you should pay for it."
If I hear this one more time, I think my head might explode!
Now, I know my situation is better than most, as BM works. Between BM and DH, BM makes more than DH, due to the fields that they are in. BM is horrible with money, always has been, and it was part of the reason for their divorce. However, they have a CO that says they are to split bills.
Month after month, year after year, I've heard verbally or seen it in writing, "I'm a single parent, doing this on my own. You are remarried, you have money, so you should pay for it." It didn't matter if it was a school trip, school supplies, medical bills, extra sports, clothing, this was the typical response. I'm tried of footing the bill and covering the extras because BM can't budget. The kids are getting older (and more expensive) and I am done dealing with the unrealistic expectations of our house covering 100% of the financial needs for the kids, even though it's supposed to be 50/50 custody (that's a vent for a different day).
Then again, I don't want to disappoint the kids (but sometimes, I think this is DH in my head).
- ej'scrazy's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
No, it does not. She
No, it does not. She lied/manipulated to get it, and DH went after the lies until it was determined it wasn't owed.
Preteens, and he's blamed when they can't do something. It's self-serving on her part. There was a school camp last year that was to be split. She signed the forms and put down the $25 deposit. Then, DH was left to pay the $375 so that the skid could go, as BM backed out. Honestly, I was pissed, I told DH not to pay, as he wouldn't see that money again. To this day, we have only gotten about $50 back from BM for her "half".
No way. Yes dh is remarried,
No way. Yes dh is remarried, but the children are his and bms. Not yours. It is your husband and their mothers responsibilty to pay for their childrens expenses. If you want to help out of the kindness of your heart then that is your choice. You should not be forced to pay for everything for someone elses children. Whether youre married to their father or not. Bm needs to stop being selfish and if bm and your dh cannot afford something without your help every time then maybe the children shouldnt be doing whatever it is that they cannot afford..its the same as living wihin your means. IMO of course
I get this. It's no way my
I get this. It's no way my job. BM "sees" me as invisible, except when it comes to my money.
We live within our means, but plan well. BM is up to her eyeballs in debt, and is always complaining about money. I'm afraid it may affect our ability to be able to do for 'our' kids (future) ones.
If it's 50/50 and the kids
If it's 50/50 and the kids ask for something, your DH says, "OK, your mom and I are supposed to split the cost. I'll gladly pay my portion, you need to ask your mom for the other half." Providing they are old enough to understand the undercurrent.
Sorry if anyone thinks that's PASing, but I lived with this for many years. DH works and makes good money, I work and make better money, BM never worked. However, DH paid a shit-ton of CS and BM was remarried. Although she made it clear it was not HER DH's responsibility to help her with extracurriculars and such, she was always trying to stick DH and I with them because, well, WE made more money (and I have 2 kids). For the longest time, the SK's didn't get it because we kept it away from them, and DH would quietly pay for his portion (or all) and not say a word. Then we'd hear how "MOM" paid for this, "MOM" paid for that, blah blah blah. When they were in their early teens DH spilled the beans and told them how it really was. They found out that their MOM basically paid for NOTHING even though she always complained to them that CS wasn't enough and she never had any $.
Now that CS is over and done with, now she's making THEM pay their own way since she doesn't have that big fat check from DH.
I'm afraid they will stay
I'm afraid they will stay with us when they age out. Then we will still be footing the bill with everything!
It's hard. I hear that too,
It's hard. I hear that too, it's best for the kids. Don't want to disappoint.
I don't get the single parent thing. We have kids 3 days a week and pay for Everything and BM still crys single parent. I guess everyone defines single parent different.
If DH was a deadbeat and
If DH was a deadbeat and never took the kids and never paid for anything, I could see her crying "single" parent. However, he does way more for them. She just doesn't appreciate it.
I'm sorry but neither DH nor
I'm sorry but neither DH nor BM should expect SD13 to benefit from MY money in ANY way EVER. I am expecting a large sum of money within a year or so and DH talks about retiring, which is kinda okay with me as long as he doesn't expect me to pay off the house we live in (his parents house before him and in his name only, meaning SD will inherit... so I plan to buy a house in MY name) or buy SD a car or put away money for her college, etc. I do, however, plan to help my own kids in various ways. Sorry folks... that's just the way the cookie crumbles.